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Post by lightmystic on Apr 7, 2009 9:45:52 GMT -5
Yeah, that's the seriousness right there.... Dark months of the soul
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Post by souley on Apr 18, 2009 9:54:11 GMT -5
It seems that I am the perception. Whatever that means.
The new souley is kind of a cool guy. He is a more mature human, free from relating everything to his sense of self. He is stilled annoyed with stuff, judge things, etc.. but not necessarily relating himself to it, and it is a great freedom, especially when interacting with people.
Who am I? Who is souley? Who is souley in relation to me? What is everything else in relation to me? Who are everyone else in relation to souley? How can I be both souley and not souley? Not necessarily expecting answers, but hinting whats going on over here.
I have alot to say about this process that I have been through. There are many incredibly interesting aspects to it.. a lot of questions and observations. Maybe I could document it once it has become clearer. I think it could be valuable to others, even though it is probably highly individual.
Anyway, it is not over yet. But a new life seem to have begun:)
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Post by lightmystic on Apr 20, 2009 9:59:17 GMT -5
Beautiful. Thanks for the update. I'm assuming your questions are rhetorical. If that is not true please post whatever isn't and we can talk about it. It seems that I am the perception. Whatever that means. The new souley is kind of a cool guy. He is a more mature human, free from relating everything to his sense of self. He is stilled annoyed with stuff, judge things, etc.. but not necessarily relating himself to it, and it is a great freedom, especially when interacting with people. Who am I? Who is souley? Who is souley in relation to me? What is everything else in relation to me? Who are everyone else in relation to souley? How can I be both souley and not souley? Not necessarily expecting answers, but hinting whats going on over here. I have alot to say about this process that I have been through. There are many incredibly interesting aspects to it.. a lot of questions and observations. Maybe I could document it once it has become clearer. I think it could be valuable to others, even though it is probably highly individual. Anyway, it is not over yet. But a new life seem to have begun:)
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Post by souley on Apr 21, 2009 11:59:45 GMT -5
Maybe you could outline the process a bit from here on.. where am I, what is going to happen?
Right now I don't feel that I want enlightenment over anything else, I probably never did, I just wanted to know, but the whole concept has changed a lot for me, since this is such a big adjustment already. Nonetheless I know that my drive for more will always continue. But right now there is a big longing for some stability. I would like to relax a bit and enjoy this.. see the world and figure it out from this new place. But it is not stable, it seems the falling away of the old self is still going on, although much less crazy, and something like unity is coming and going.. although not too strongly. When at complete rest I can start to feel very kind of.. big, and I have experienced something like the heart thing again in these situations. But then again I'm back to being souley in some kind of real life situation, wondering what has happened to me, what is the world, what is going to happen, etc. It is scary, but it is not combined with the release of fear that was earlier, which made it totally brutal, it is just mentally a bit scary. In some other situation I'm enjoying the beautiful weather in a way that I hardly though possible.. and then it is like, I don't care what this is, since it is awesome.
The world is really kind of showing it's true nature. How could I not be totally in awe of creation before, how can people not be.. it is such a mystery it continually blows my mind. It seems there is a lot to take in and accept, and for me it seems to be a very gradual thing.
I recognize the process of growing up.. how we are learned that we are the separate individual, it is really quite amazing. But then again the world sure plays along in this, showing souley in the mirror etc.. is there any way to describe the relation between souley and the real me? Like, am I both? The perception seems to be from souleys point of view, yet I can start to feel that there really is just the view and no souley so to speak. But it is still souleys view? Everything about this is so paradoxical.. and if that is the answer then that is another thing that needs to sink in i guess.
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Post by keepsearching on Apr 21, 2009 17:05:13 GMT -5
All phenomena must be ignored completly. They are distractions on the path to realisation. That which is perceived or perceivable is not the goal. Keep searching, if phenomena arise then disregard it. Even blissfull states, ignore, ignore until the truth alone remains.
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Post by lightmystic on Apr 22, 2009 10:03:55 GMT -5
Hey Souley, The problem with the path is that it's not linear. For me, there were three basic stages, but there are really only two that I've recognized in everyone I've come across consistently. There's that initial Awakening, which it seems you've made the recognition, and then there's the disappearance of separateness, which is a placeholder word for something that cannot be said. That disappearance is the end of suffering on the most fundamental level. As long as you are listening to yourself and to life, and have the desire to keep moving then your Enlightenment is guaranteed, but there is no easy way, and there is no pre-set model that can be definitively outlined. For me, there was an opening into unity, where there was a connection to all things, but there was still a feeling of a person to "Be Enlightened." This was replaced eventually by a warm hollowness, an emptyful joy of all possibilities.... Nothing felt truly complete until then... Maybe you could outline the process a bit from here on.. where am I, what is going to happen? Right now I don't feel that I want enlightenment over anything else, I probably never did, I just wanted to know, but the whole concept has changed a lot for me, since this is such a big adjustment already. Nonetheless I know that my drive for more will always continue. But right now there is a big longing for some stability. I would like to relax a bit and enjoy this.. see the world and figure it out from this new place. But it is not stable, it seems the falling away of the old self is still going on, although much less crazy, and something like unity is coming and going.. although not too strongly. When at complete rest I can start to feel very kind of.. big, and I have experienced something like the heart thing again in these situations. But then again I'm back to being souley in some kind of real life situation, wondering what has happened to me, what is the world, what is going to happen, etc. It is scary, but it is not combined with the release of fear that was earlier, which made it totally brutal, it is just mentally a bit scary. In some other situation I'm enjoying the beautiful weather in a way that I hardly though possible.. and then it is like, I don't care what this is, since it is awesome. The world is really kind of showing it's true nature. How could I not be totally in awe of creation before, how can people not be.. it is such a mystery it continually blows my mind. It seems there is a lot to take in and accept, and for me it seems to be a very gradual thing. I recognize the process of growing up.. how we are learned that we are the separate individual, it is really quite amazing. But then again the world sure plays along in this, showing souley in the mirror etc.. is there any way to describe the relation between souley and the real me? Like, am I both? The perception seems to be from souleys point of view, yet I can start to feel that there really is just the view and no souley so to speak. But it is still souleys view? Everything about this is so paradoxical.. and if that is the answer then that is another thing that needs to sink in i guess.
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Post by souley on Apr 22, 2009 12:11:52 GMT -5
Thanks!
I'm not really worried about enlightenment right now. I'm really not worried about progress anymore in that way. "I" seem to be extremely susceptible to this for some reason. For Bernadette Roberts it seems it took 20 years or so from awakening to enlightenment.. Maybe I will be worried about reaching that at some later time. Right now there is only a longing for stability in some way. I'm kind of curious if there is something like "stable unity", I mean a place where one will be for a while and get used to? I'm still kind of falling apart so I wonder if I will hit the bottom in some way:)
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Post by souley on Apr 22, 2009 12:14:07 GMT -5
All phenomena must be ignored completly. They are distractions on the path to realisation. That which is perceived or perceivable is not the goal. Keep searching, if phenomena arise then disregard it. Even blissfull states, ignore, ignore until the truth alone remains. These things are so not helpful.. spiritual clichés. This is for me an intellectual belief or standpoint, that has nothing to do with opening up to my real self.
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Post by lightmystic on Apr 22, 2009 13:03:08 GMT -5
Yes, there definitely is a stable unity point that can be reached, although from the way your talking it's quite likely that your stability won't be found until Enlightenment. Your attitude is a good one in my opinion. Give it a year and see how things integrate. Don't worry about the Enlightenment thing. There's a lot more stuff in there than we can possibly imagine, but it also moves more quickly than we can possibly imagine. You're not going to have to wait 20 years. That's something I just intuitively feel... Thanks! I'm not really worried about enlightenment right now. I'm really not worried about progress anymore in that way. "I" seem to be extremely susceptible to this for some reason. For Bernadette Roberts it seems it took 20 years or so from awakening to enlightenment.. Maybe I will be worried about reaching that at some later time. Right now there is only a longing for stability in some way. I'm kind of curious if there is something like "stable unity", I mean a place where one will be for a while and get used to? I'm still kind of falling apart so I wonder if I will hit the bottom in some way:)
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Post by Peter on Apr 28, 2009 3:13:42 GMT -5
Hi Masterfran, welcome to the board.
I won't claim to know anything about the enlightened state, but my understanding of mind is that it's "in it's nature" to try to constantly occupy itself. I think a lot of the work we need to do is concerned with becoming less identified with that 'chatter', opinion and fantasy that it continually feeds us. Thoughts arise, but you are not your thoughts.
That said, I've had some experiences of total silence in meditation, but then I became more aware of a lower level background hum - feelings and thoughts and half ideas not fully formed. Those neurons keep on firing.
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Post by lightmystic on Apr 28, 2009 10:46:06 GMT -5
Hey masterfran. Welcome to the board. What do you mean by the "I" behind the "I"? I definitely relate the the cosmic noise/silence. I like to call it "silence irrespective of sound," and that's the most accurate what to talk about it from my experience.... I'm pleased to hear that you are not that spiritually advanced despite all your time studying it. That sounds like a wonderful place to be. So much openness and innocence possible when we haven't decided that we know something.... hello just joined up,Iwould love to ask two questions of this very learned group,1,When in the enlighened state do you sense an "I" behind the "I", or am i dreaming,? also in this state is there cosmic noise or total silence,I am not enlightened myself but have studied it for fifty years, but yet am not very advanced,My hero is Nisargadatta Maharaj and my bible is "I am that".
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Post by souley on May 28, 2009 14:43:23 GMT -5
I would like to update on whats happening here.. but I don't know really. I had some turbulent times again, which ended in some kind of surrender.. I just gave up thinking (or whatever) about all the shit that was going on, in some weak moment. That resulted in a strange silence, and the volume of my mind is now lower. I'm also free of fear in a way that I haven't been since february.
I appreciate fully the realizations I have gotten. The world is not taken for granted anymore, and in a sense it is a completely different world. And as mentioned earlier, Souley has become kind of a cool guy. But I have also taken on the suffering of the world in some sense. The more I see, the more suffering I also see, and the more I suffer. It's like the suffering is a big part of the journey. In a sense suffering is also beautiful.. I don't know why. And what can I do except surrender to it..
Surrender / Don't know / Surrender / Watch
I have been having a sense lately, that I should try and see what life gives me. Like right now work is hell, I took on a lot of stuff to do, because it felt right. I don't know why I did it, in a sense it was stupid, because I have to suffer for it, but I don't regret it either.. I see the people in that project suffer and I want to help them, or share it. And when friends invite me to some thing I don't feel like doing (I mostly feel like lying in bed contemplating stuff), then I always get the sense "go for it, see where it takes you".
I definitely want to go deeper into this (like "I" have some say in the matter). I'm not afraid in this current place, and I look at things in a new way now when there is less fear.
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Post by lightmystic on May 28, 2009 17:16:49 GMT -5
Beautiful! Thanks for the update! What is your relationship to your self and life now? Can you talk about it? I would like to update on whats happening here.. but I don't know really. I had some turbulent times again, which ended in some kind of surrender.. I just gave up thinking (or whatever) about all the nuts that was going on, in some weak moment. That resulted in a strange silence, and the volume of my mind is now lower. I'm also free of fear in a way that I haven't been since february. I appreciate fully the realizations I have gotten. The world is not taken for granted anymore, and in a sense it is a completely different world. And as mentioned earlier, Souley has become kind of a cool guy. But I have also taken on the suffering of the world in some sense. The more I see, the more suffering I also see, and the more I suffer. It's like the suffering is a big part of the journey. In a sense suffering is also beautiful.. I don't know why. And what can I do except surrender to it.. Surrender / Don't know / Surrender / Watch I have been having a sense lately, that I should try and see what life gives me. Like right now work is hell, I took on a lot of stuff to do, because it felt right. I don't know why I did it, in a sense it was stupid, because I have to suffer for it, but I don't regret it either.. I see the people in that project suffer and I want to help them, or share it. And when friends invite me to some thing I don't feel like doing (I mostly feel like lying in bed contemplating stuff), then I always get the sense "go for it, see where it takes you". I definitely want to go deeper into this (like "I" have some say in the matter). I'm not afraid in this current place, and I look at things in a new way now when there is less fear.
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Post by souley on May 29, 2009 10:31:08 GMT -5
Beautiful! Thanks for the update! What is your relationship to your self and life now? Can you talk about it? It is all so new, I really don't know where I am at the moment. It seems to fluctuate too. I feel that the awareness is something I can often lean back on, it seems that I am more and more rooted in that. But as always there is a strong urge to belong, to get closer to life and to other people. It is like I really enjoy the mystery of life, and I enjoy the fact that it is a mystery. I am less in many aspects. Less self centered. When something bad happens, I can like choose to let the old habits whine about it, or just see whats going on, and then that won't get any space. Even though I feel that there have been enormous falling aways and realizations, it still feels pretty ordinary, just a lot more clear and balanced. There are still things going on, I can sometimes be a bit "buzzed" by a feeling of more awareness, like it's still growing on me and that shows in some situations. Too bad I can't be more precise. I am definitely more THAT but that seems to be synonymous with less and less "I". Though I also feel that I am more and more myself, more natural and individual, in another sense:) This gets so complex somehow..
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Post by lightmystic on Jun 2, 2009 10:08:46 GMT -5
Good observations. I think precision comes in time as things develop and the experience is less overwhelming... Sounds like you are starting to move into experiencing more unity with life... It is an interesting paradox. Let me know how things unfold! It is all so new, I really don't know where I am at the moment. It seems to fluctuate too. I feel that the awareness is something I can often lean back on, it seems that I am more and more rooted in that. But as always there is a strong urge to belong, to get closer to life and to other people. It is like I really enjoy the mystery of life, and I enjoy the fact that it is a mystery. I am less in many aspects. Less self centered. When something bad happens, I can like choose to let the old habits whine about it, or just see whats going on, and then that won't get any space. Even though I feel that there have been enormous falling aways and realizations, it still feels pretty ordinary, just a lot more clear and balanced. There are still things going on, I can sometimes be a bit "buzzed" by a feeling of more awareness, like it's still growing on me and that shows in some situations. Too bad I can't be more precise. I am definitely more THAT but that seems to be synonymous with less and less "I". Though I also feel that I am more and more myself, more natural and individual, in another sense:) This gets so complex somehow..
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