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Post by zazeniac on Mar 20, 2021 9:10:12 GMT -5
Eating an oreo,
First time in months,
Drool mixed with crumbs.
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Post by lolly on Mar 26, 2021 17:28:58 GMT -5
I wrote one of these ages ago...
I lost my smile
But don't worry
The dandelion has it
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Post by laughter on Mar 26, 2021 22:31:54 GMT -5
I wrote one of these ages ago... I lost my smile But don't worry The dandelion has it genius!  |
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Post by laughter on Jun 20, 2021 14:45:01 GMT -5
orange solstice ribbon
lingers at the edge
of the subtle twilight
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Post by laughter on Jun 21, 2021 15:08:26 GMT -5
darth google
trading cookies
for nakedness
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 19, 2022 15:31:11 GMT -5
Interesting photo haiku posted on the US Army twitter account yesterday. Hmmmm.  |
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Post by laughter on Jan 20, 2022 8:12:43 GMT -5
the double-sink trap
an ancient enemy
another battle won.
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Post by inavalan on Feb 7, 2022 14:57:42 GMT -5
For both haiku I shared in the last few days, I was reflecting on how a haiku can seem less fragmented. In the first one about the "n" I tried to let the "n" sound hold it together-- to create a run on feeling-- a feeling that was taken out of conversation-- not created by one. It is a failed poem, in my opinion, because it doesn't make any sense. In the second example, the expectation when you hear the part about "voices" is that you are going to be taken into a new realm-- the expectation is that the poem is about to step outside of nature into a poetic fragment-- but it doesn't. The last line merely informs the loneliness of the original voices. The poem doesn't step outside of itself-- which creates a more boxed in feeling. Both poems exemplify why 5-7-5 form doesn't work and should be avoided. If the poet is counting numbers-- his mind is already fragmented-- no matter how good his contraption-- he will know he was counting numbers-- he will know he was playing poetic lotto. He will know that he was stealing from his own poem rather than serving it. Some people would say that I broke a cardinal rule talking about my own poems. But my poem is about seagulls not cardinals. Seagulls are beautiful rats with wings. Have you ever fed a seagull a french fry at the beach? I would never do it again. The other seagulls get jealous of the one who got a french fry. That first french fry is the haiku-- not the second one! I am not an artist. My understanding of art is that it should be defined more by the way it is perceived, than by the way the artist intends it. Coincidentally (or not), a few days ago I read about "ut pictura poesis" and about "paragon" debates (those interested can read the related wikipedia pages). What you wrote here brought to my mind those debates, but it also seems to be part of a trend of redefining terms (words) to meet our views, and in some cases agendas. By the way, I would rank the arts debated by those remarkable men (by the way, I intentionally used "men", not "people" ...) as such: music, literature, painting, sculpture, which is the degree of allowing the perceiver freedom of interpretation of the symbolism of the artistic result. As an art beneficiary, and not an artist, it is more important what I get from the artistic result than what the artist meant to express. The artist, the art, the artistic result, from my perspective as an art perceiver, are means to my interpretation of a higher message. About "haiku" from wikipedia: Haiku (俳句) is a type of short form poetry originally from Japan. Traditional Japanese haiku consist of three phrases that contain a kireji, or "cutting word", 17 on (phonetic units similar to syllables) in a 5, 7, 5 pattern, and a kigo, or seasonal reference. Similar poems that do not adhere to these rules are generally classified as senryū Like with other words, I wouldn't redefine "haiku" to mean something else. Just use a new word ... I think we owe respect to traditions, and progress doesn't mean to better traditions by redefining them in a new context. |
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Post by laughter on Feb 7, 2022 15:28:53 GMT -5
Ok. Good point, my friend. Tradition is important. I am still working on that subsequent piece. Was just a rough draft. One of the questions artist usually asks him or herself is how does one get to a finished product. Not an easy question to answer. I think the artist needs a bridge. But not a bridge to the outside. He or she needs a way into experiences. I will work on these thoughts further. Peace. For what it's worth, I understand your observation about the fragmentation of counting syllables, but what I've found is that there is a groove to 5-7-5 that can help the poem write itself, effortlessly. It's a form of conditioning, no doubt, but we're always expressing some form of conditioning, and this is a learned pattern similar to say the Japanese caligrapher's of old. What I learned from one group of Hakui enthusiasts (that are apparently currently offline) is that there is a better mapping of syballic cadence into English, as I recall, it's 3-4-3 .. or it might have been 3-5-3, can't remember. To me, setting aside the stricture of the syballic form simply opens up a new dimension to it, but there's a flip side to that, in that using the stricture can result in a different creation as well. In my experience if you ATA alone in nature, in the syballic grove, the poem will sort of just present itself, naturally, fully formed, almost in parallel. |
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Post by justlikeyou on Feb 8, 2022 20:51:32 GMT -5
Ok. Good point, my friend. Tradition is important. I am still working on that subsequent piece. Was just a rough draft. One of the questions artist usually asks him or herself is how does one get to a finished product. Not an easy question to answer. I think the artist needs a bridge. But not a bridge to the outside. He or she needs a way into experiences. I will work on these thoughts further. Peace. Modern haiku eschews 5-7-5 in the main. Modern haiku is accepted to be of two parts. A one-line fragment and a two-line phrase (either fragment or phrase can start the poem) Juxtaposition is employed using a comparison, contrast, or association. Here is a short essay on juxtaposition that provides some examples. Thoughts on Juxtaposition |
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Post by zazeniac on Feb 10, 2022 9:06:57 GMT -5
Pictures of the dead
On the living room bookcase
Adorn with memories
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Post by laughter on Feb 14, 2022 16:27:34 GMT -5
low sun
on new snow
our smiles, dancing
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Post by laughter on Mar 20, 2022 12:03:45 GMT -5
Early Spring
transcendent breeze
munching squirrel
open window
gentle patter
life returning
distant thunder
dusty scent
sudden storm
spring rages
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Post by justlikeyou on Mar 23, 2022 17:15:45 GMT -5
low sun on new snow our smiles, dancing Perfectly beautiful. Have you posted it anywhere besides here? |
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Post by lolly on Apr 13, 2022 8:13:07 GMT -5
We're all a little broken
But nothing is lost
Little pieces fit together
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