I can't deny that in my view I am a weird ass human.
Barely that. Barely functional in my own eyes.
In my second go round with spirituality I WAS and still AM struggling to cope with reality.
This idiot 'I' I think myself to be.
In the first go round with spirituality I loved 'the baby Jesus'!
Catholic.
And up to a far too tender age life seemed o.k. despite all the hell that surrounded me.
There was fun.
So maybe "life is fun" was reality and "life is hell" was thrown on top of that.
I see myself as anxious, neurotic (I think, don't know. So much seeming weirdness.)
A darn sure drunk.
The "confusion in turning from one description of reality to another" started back around age six.
When "life is fun" turned into "I should never have been born".
This is all a story. It's all I has.
This apparent person runs around doing things I don't want it to do.
This apparent person won't do what I want it to do.
I don't know what this I is or this stubborn mule of a "person".
I don't know what part of the message you saw scares you.
There is no observer.
And I've been floating on the edge of insanity for a long time.
Because "life is good" was taken away.
And quieting the mind is nonsense.
Like standing in the Mississippi trying to stop the flow with your hand.
I became so adept at clamping down on thought I have no idea what's driving this bugger.
Possibly not so good.
Before there is mind there is quiet.
And I sincerely don't know much about that.
STFU. (to myself!)
Love.
Apologies if needed.