Okay, at the risk of boring everyone, here is some “real world” advice for everyone struggling with ANY kind of “problem.”
One hand clapping wrote, “I’m wrestling with the concept of what I should or shouldn’t be doing with my life career wise.” He also wrote, “I guess the advice I seek is the aforementioned question of where does one find motivation when there’s none to be found?”
Zenman wrote, “I’m 41 and struggle with the career thing too……I think most people accept that having a deeply meaningful job is rare so they just make the best of whatever career they’re in.”
A woman called from California and said, “I had to do a public performance last night, and I was so exhausted that the thought of getting up and doing the performance was simply overwhelming. I didn’t want to fake it, and I didn’t want to do it. It takes so much energy to put on all that makeup, and put a huge smile on your face, and psyche yourself up when you just don’t feel like it. I felt so depressed that I put on a CD by Tony Parsons hoping to cheer myself up, but it made things worse! Tony said that there is no hope, and that there is nothing anyone can do to improve their situation. It made me so frustrated to think that there is nothing I can do to find happiness or even feel better about what I’m doing.”
Tonight, a fellow contractor (whose wife died in a tragic accident two years ago) said, “I’m dating again, but I’m wrestling with guilt about my relationships with women. I don’t want to hurt anyone or use anyone, but I also don’t want to be a monk. My friends have told me to accept the fact that I’ll probably never find another soulmate (similar to his former wife) in this lifetime. They’ve told me to just go on dates and have fun and quit worrying about all the stuff that’s bothering me, but I want to find someone I can enjoy being with all the time. I want an emotional and spiritual connection with someone who shares my sense of play and adventure—someone with whom I can relax and be myself and enjoy being with all the time. What should I do?”
A woman said, “I feel like a failure because I never found a vocation in life that I could feel totally passionate about. I would love to find some kind of work that I could lose myself in, something that pays well and allows me to express myself creatively.”
A man said, “I want to be happy, but I don’t know what that even means. I can’t imagine what I could do that would give me what I want. If I can’t be happy, then I’d at least like to have peace. Is that too much to ask?”
What is the one thing that all of these people have in common? They all have “problems” that result from being attached to various thoughts, and most of those thoughts involve an imaginary future.
This is what we might call “ordinary” life for most people. To get a sense of what is possible, I would recommend that anyone suffering from these kinds of problems should go see a documentary movie currently playing in a limited number of theaters. It is titled “Bill Cunningham, New York City.” This will give you an idea of what is possible when the mind is not dominant in life. Bill Cunningham is a fashion photographer who rides around NYC on a bicycle taking pictures of what interests him. He works for the New York Times and his life is remarkable; it is totally Zen. He cares nothing about money or fame or happiness or peace, yet he is as happy as a clam. Hundreds of famous well-known people know him, but he doesn’t care. He has won all kinds of awards, but he doesn’t care. He probably has never meditated, or heard of non-duality, but he is spiritual (in the best sense) and he lives a non-dual life. Go see the movie to get a sense of what is possible.
Cunningham is not enlightened in the way of a Zen Master, but his life will seem extraordinary compared to the lives that most people live. The question is, “How can someone else find what Bill Cunningham exhibits?”
At this point, and because most people on this forum are fairly sophisticated in their understanding of non-duality issues, lets make something clear; all of the words that will be used from this point on are pointing at something that is beyond thought, and each teacher of non-duality chooses which approach seems most appropriate. Tony Parsons says that there is nothing anyone can do to wake up, or find happiness, or resolve any problems. Gangaji and some other teachers use the opposite approach. Both teachings are pointing to the exact same truth. I prefer the approach that Gangaji uses, so I tell people that they can do certain things that will lead to freedom. What are those things?
1. Recognize that thoughts are the root cause of all problems.
2. Recognize that most adults are dominated by incessant thoughts, most of which are unnecessary.
3. Resolve to break the habit of incessant thoughts.
4. Recognize that freedom lies in non-abidance in the mind.
5. When it is recognized that thoughts are causing a problem, shift attention away from thoughts to what can be seen or heard. Scan the field of vision rather than focus on individual things within the field. Keep the eyes moving. If the mind names what is seen, ignore that and keep looking. If the mind gets carried away into fantasies about what is seen, ignore that and return to looking. If the mind is so frenetic that it is impossible to hold attention upon the visual or aural fields, then try some breath-counting or other simple meditative techniques to establish some psychological space.
6. Become focused on what is happening in the present moment. If you haven’t read The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, get a copy and read it. Forget the future.
7. Ask yourself, “What must I be doing right this moment?” You body knows, so listen to it.
8. Just do it. Do whatever you have to do this moment without reflection. Don’t look back and don’t look ahead. Stay focused on what is happening now.
9. Don’t check how you’re doing. Forget about making progress. Get lost in what you’re doing and stay lost! If you’re washing the dishes, just wash the dishes. Put your total concentration upon what you’re doing.
10. If you’re driving a car, leave the radio off and just look at the world. Listen to what you can hear.
11. Go for walks in parks or wilderness areas and just look at the world. If thoughts appear, ignore them and keep looking. If they’re important, write them down so that you can deal with them later, and keep looking. Focus upon “what is.”
12. Be incredibly persistent. Most adults waste several hours each day doing nonsense stuff, playing video games or watching sitcoms. Develop a warrior mentality. Your goal is to leave the mind behind.
I could write hundreds of pages about this stuff, but this provides a general outline. What is the ultimate payoff? Freedom from the mind. Probably the best definition of enlightenment is “non-abidance in the mind.” Thoughts perpetuate the illusion that there is an entity, a separate self, choosing to do things and pursue various activities. This is an illusion, but it is deeply embedded in the human psyche.
What is the payoff? No you and no problems. The price is steep because this means that who you think you are must be relinquished. If you become enlightened, there will be no you who can take credit for it. You will realize that who you thought you were never existed at all.
When you disappear, creativity increases, and the world is seen to be a miraculous and magical place. You will feel like playing all the time, and work will become play because there will be no you trying to control anything or take credit for anything. Everything will become empty and self-illuminating. You will see everything and everyone as yourself—your True Self.
The path from incessant thought to non-abidance in the mind is not quick and easy for most people. Most people will go through periods of intense effort and other periods where nothing seems to be happening. Persistence and non-reflectivity are the keys. Count breaths, look at the world, walk in the woods, take time to smell the roses, be nice to your body, help other people, give away time or money to a good cause, take vitamins, exercise, and stop reflecting about the future. As you become more focused upon the here and now, new possibilities will arise, and new interests will appear. Ignore your friends and family and business associates if they have a problem with what you’re doing. Freedom is more important than anyone else’s opinions about you. Freedom is more important than satisfying anyone’s stultifying expectations of you.
If you want to get free, you have to be willing to leave the world you have known behind. Some people are lucky and have supportive families; others are not so lucky. Do what you have to do. Trust the universe 100%. The more you trust it, the more you will realize it can be trusted to give you everything.
I’ll write more later, but its been a long day and I’ve got to get to bed. Until then be of good cheer. Keep a smile on your face. Let your sense of humor run wild. An unimaginable fantastic world awaits discovery. You knew it as a young child, but it never went away. You did! Now you need to find your way back. Cheers and good luck.