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Post by explorer on Jan 22, 2018 14:28:39 GMT -5
A proper haiku
Is not a proper haiku
If not 5, 7, 5!
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Post by explorer on Jan 22, 2018 14:33:48 GMT -5
Enlightenment is
Not proper enlightenment
If not the right shape!
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 23, 2018 8:59:03 GMT -5
A proper haiku Is not a proper haiku If not 5, 7, 5! is in the eye of the beholder. opinions vary. most of those in haiku-world (publishers, editors, prominent voices, etc) do not subscribe to 5-7-5 as being paramount or necessary. |
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Post by laughter on Jan 23, 2018 22:25:49 GMT -5
A proper haiku Is not a proper haiku If not 5, 7, 5! is in the eye of the beholder. opinions vary. most of those in haiku-world (publishers, editors, prominent voices, etc) do not subscribe to 5-7-5 as being paramount or necessary. All my playin' with you on this thread has been about getting you to consider ... who cares what they think??  |
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Post by explorer on Jan 24, 2018 7:42:43 GMT -5
Don't care what they think?
Sounds a bit like Donald Trump.
Ain't Empathy good?
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 24, 2018 7:56:01 GMT -5
proper is in the eye of the beholder. opinions vary. most of those in haiku-world (publishers, editors, prominent voices, etc) do not subscribe to 5-7-5 as being paramount or necessary. All my playin' with you on this thread has been about getting you to consider ... who cares what they think?? I do have agreement with the majority that the idea of 5-7-5 is a misconception based on a misunderstanding of the Japanese language and how it is used in Japanese haiku. That it is simply unnecessary in English language haiku. But I don't have this agreement because someone said so, but because I did my own research and concluded it is so. :-) My style - in haiku world - is known to be sometimes iconoclastic, boundary breaking and/or down right shocking at times. Took awhile, but the forums are much more accepting of my respectful but anti-authority tendencies these days :-) And for my part, I enjoy and learn from then all. But I hardly care about being published or winning prizes. I'm far too undisciplined to jump through those hoops, except for the very rare occasion when it strikes to do so. Here is a poem from just this week and a comment. -------------------------------------------------- red light starlings twisting, turning, landing i go on green Rick, A good example of breaking the 'rules' to make the haiku work well. Nicely done! My only suggestion is to add punctuation at the end of line 2. As is, I worry about the N twisting, turning, landing. :wink: Susan |
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Post by explorer on Jan 24, 2018 9:20:14 GMT -5
Boundary Breaking
And iconoclastic too.
Gosh, how talented!
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 24, 2018 9:51:37 GMT -5
Boundary Breaking And iconoclastic too. Gosh, how talented! too is in the eye of the beholder  |
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Post by laughter on Jan 24, 2018 13:57:22 GMT -5
All my playin' with you on this thread has been about getting you to consider ... who cares what they think?? I do have agreement with the majority that the idea of 5-7-5 is a misconception based on a misunderstanding of the Japanese language and how it is used in Japanese haiku. That it is simply unnecessary in English language haiku. But I don't have this agreement because someone said so, but because I did my own research and concluded it is so. :-) My style - in haiku world - is known to be sometimes iconoclastic, boundary breaking and/or down right shocking at times. Took awhile, but the forums are much more accepting of my respectful but anti-authority tendencies these days :-) And for my part, I enjoy and learn from then all. But I hardly care about being published or winning prizes. I'm far too undisciplined to jump through those hoops, except for the very rare occasion when it strikes to do so. Here is a poem from just this week and a comment. -------------------------------------------------- red light starlings twisting, turning, landing i go on green Rick, A good example of breaking the 'rules' to make the haiku work well. Nicely done! My only suggestion is to add punctuation at the end of line 2. As is, I worry about the N twisting, turning, landing. :wink: Susan I'm with Sue on the quality of the poem. As I think you've pointed out about Haiku in the past, it offers to share a visceral moment of direct experience with the reader, and this one does that quite well. But unlike Sue I have no criticism to offer. There's a beauty to 5-7-5 and I'd analogize it to what I read from Sekida about counting breaths. What he wrote about counting breath is that some time in the future, after the practice had matured beyond that, revisiting it can lead to a nice insight. Not to say that you haven't had that insight yet, just offering my take on the cadence issue generally. |
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 24, 2018 15:55:06 GMT -5
I do have agreement with the majority that the idea of 5-7-5 is a misconception based on a misunderstanding of the Japanese language and how it is used in Japanese haiku. That it is simply unnecessary in English language haiku. But I don't have this agreement because someone said so, but because I did my own research and concluded it is so. :-) My style - in haiku world - is known to be sometimes iconoclastic, boundary breaking and/or down right shocking at times. Took awhile, but the forums are much more accepting of my respectful but anti-authority tendencies these days :-) And for my part, I enjoy and learn from then all. But I hardly care about being published or winning prizes. I'm far too undisciplined to jump through those hoops, except for the very rare occasion when it strikes to do so. Here is a poem from just this week and a comment. -------------------------------------------------- red light starlings twisting, turning, landing i go on green Rick, A good example of breaking the 'rules' to make the haiku work well. Nicely done! My only suggestion is to add punctuation at the end of line 2. As is, I worry about the N twisting, turning, landing. :wink: Susan I'm with Sue on the quality of the poem. As I think you've pointed out about Haiku in the past, it offers to share a visceral moment of direct experience with the reader, and this one does that quite well. But unlike Sue I have no criticism to offer. There's a beauty to 5-7-5 and I'd analogize it to what I read from Sekida about counting breaths. What he wrote about counting breath is that some time in the future, after the practice had matured beyond that, revisiting it can lead to a nice insight. Not to say that you haven't had that insight yet, just offering my take on the cadence issue generally. There can be beauty in 5-7-5 for sure. I've read some. It takes skill to write a poem with so many syllables and not weigh the poem down, just for the sake of using all those syllables. There is nothing wrong with writing it. My early poems were just that in fact. Nor would I rule out writing 5-7-5 in the future. It's just that I love how using everyday, commonly spoke language can be so powerful in producing beautiful images that are more readily accessible to the reader as a result of that everyday commonality. |
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Post by laughter on Jan 24, 2018 17:34:44 GMT -5
I'm with Sue on the quality of the poem. As I think you've pointed out about Haiku in the past, it offers to share a visceral moment of direct experience with the reader, and this one does that quite well. But unlike Sue I have no criticism to offer. There's a beauty to 5-7-5 and I'd analogize it to what I read from Sekida about counting breaths. What he wrote about counting breath is that some time in the future, after the practice had matured beyond that, revisiting it can lead to a nice insight. Not to say that you haven't had that insight yet, just offering my take on the cadence issue generally. There can be beauty in 5-7-5 for sure. I've read some. It takes skill to write a poem with so many syllables and not weigh the poem down, just for the sake of using all those syllables. There is nothing wrong with writing it. My early poems were just that in fact. Nor would I rule out writing 5-7-5 in the future. It's just that I love how using everyday, commonly spoke language can be so powerful in producing beautiful images that are more readily accessible to the reader as a result of that everyday commonality. Yes, as I wrote elsewhere the other week, poetry is the ultimate expression of letting the words speak for themselves. My experience with 5-7-5 is that following it can put the mind in a sort of groove, like a flow, where the poem just writes itself by following the cadence, and new ideas seem to emerge naturally in the course of a translation of perception as it's happening in terms of the cadence. |
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 24, 2018 18:57:54 GMT -5
There can be beauty in 5-7-5 for sure. I've read some. It takes skill to write a poem with so many syllables and not weigh the poem down, just for the sake of using all those syllables. There is nothing wrong with writing it. My early poems were just that in fact. Nor would I rule out writing 5-7-5 in the future. It's just that I love how using everyday, commonly spoke language can be so powerful in producing beautiful images that are more readily accessible to the reader as a result of that everyday commonality. Yes, as I wrote elsewhere the other week, poetry is the ultimate expression of letting the words speak for themselves. My experience with 5-7-5 is that following it can put the mind in a sort of groove, like a flow, where the poem just writes itself by following the cadence, and new ideas seem to emerge naturally in the course of a translation of perception as it's happening in terms of the cadence. It's a blessing to have a clear mind, and fun to play with patterns. |
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Post by glimmer on Jan 25, 2018 3:05:56 GMT -5
17 syllables in one breath can be a beautiful thing
*
To experience
*
Indeed laughter “perception as it’s happening”
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Post by justlikeyou on Feb 1, 2018 18:14:42 GMT -5
the beams
in the barn wall-
knotholes
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Post by glimmer on Feb 5, 2018 23:20:15 GMT -5
the beams in the barn wall- knotholes quantum physics in the barn wall this is true |
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