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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 25, 2018 12:39:04 GMT -5
a kaw draws the eye spoon, bowl, metal on metal the bandits disperse Crows stealing the cat's food again?
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Post by laughter on Jan 25, 2018 13:08:56 GMT -5
a kaw draws the eye spoon, bowl, metal on metal the bandits disperse Crows stealing the cat's food again? Left'em alone when it got really cold, but they mess up my car.
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 25, 2018 13:52:25 GMT -5
Crows stealing the cat's food again? Left'em alone when it got really cold, but they mess up my car. they have no shame. :-)
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Post by laughter on Jan 25, 2018 13:57:56 GMT -5
Left'em alone when it got really cold, but they mess up my car. they have no shame. :-)
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 26, 2018 8:45:39 GMT -5
her rhinestone glasses glinting under a spotlight the scent of spearmint
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Post by laughter on Jan 26, 2018 22:45:47 GMT -5
her rhinestone glasses glinting under a spotlight the scent of spearmint I'll guess .. school play?
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 27, 2018 8:40:12 GMT -5
her rhinestone glasses glinting under a spotlight the scent of spearmint I'll guess .. school play? It's a valid image/conjuring/guess. The poem is/was inspired by a lady standing in the narrator's antiques shop, on one side of a spotlighted display counter, her eyeglasses glinting like diamonds. The scent of spearmint is an oblique reference to her (gum) scented breath. :-)
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Post by laughter on Jan 27, 2018 12:31:22 GMT -5
I'll guess .. school play? It's a valid image/conjuring/guess. The poem is/was inspired by a lady standing in the narrator's antiques shop, on one side of a spotlighted display counter, her eyeglasses glinting like diamonds. The scent of spearmint is an oblique reference to her (gum) scented breath. :-) Ah, take away the innocence and it gets alot more interesting. The gum was ambiguous but suggestive to me of youth, and in my experience, grown women have a disdain for "rhinestones" .. depending on circumstance, they might excuse fake diamonds, but only as long as they're in the current vogue.
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 27, 2018 13:50:52 GMT -5
It's a valid image/conjuring/guess. The poem is/was inspired by a lady standing in the narrator's antiques shop, on one side of a spotlighted display counter, her eyeglasses glinting like diamonds. The scent of spearmint is an oblique reference to her (gum) scented breath. :-) Ah, take away the innocence and it gets alot more interesting. The gum was ambiguous but suggestive to me of youth, and in my experience, grown women have a disdain for "rhinestones" .. depending on circumstance, they might excuse fake diamonds, but only as long as they're in the current vogue. Iris Apfel might have different idea about grown women and rhinestones
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Post by laughter on Jan 27, 2018 16:41:00 GMT -5
Ah, take away the innocence and it gets alot more interesting. The gum was ambiguous but suggestive to me of youth, and in my experience, grown women have a disdain for "rhinestones" .. depending on circumstance, they might excuse fake diamonds, but only as long as they're in the current vogue. Iris Apfel might have different idea about grown women and rhinestones Yeah, I was talkin' more along the lines of a cultural mean, about the stone's relative value to the woman .. and there's never really any ultimate accounting along those lines for the taste of an "artist".
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Post by justlikeyou on Jan 27, 2018 16:58:07 GMT -5
Iris Apfel might have different idea about grown women and rhinestones Yeah, I was talkin' more along the lines of a cultural mean, about the stone's relative value to the woman .. and there's never really any ultimate accounting along those lines for the taste of an "artist". I was just fun'n, but yes, an artist is notoriously difficult to pin down.
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Post by laughter on May 4, 2018 15:31:30 GMT -5
faintly meowing stuck in the basement next door finally! moonlight!
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Post by justlikeyou on May 4, 2018 20:24:28 GMT -5
faintly meowing stuck in the next door basement finally! moonlight! Enjoyed this one. It is reminiscent of classical Japanese haiku. A nicely captured moment bringing a smile. :-) As feedback I would say consider paring the moment down even simpler. Less description. It invites the reader to use their own imagination when they are not told the whole story. That's part of the fun it. Getting to fill in the blanks with our own images of the scene. It can be quite enlightening to learn how some reader's imagine our poems to be. :-) This may be too simplistic for some tastes, but what comes to mind is... meowing in the next door basement- moonlight I included a dash at the end of line 2 to separate the phrase from the fragment. Most modern haiku however no longer use stops. The idea being to let the reader find the stop for themselves, which can also be part of the fun. meowing in the next door basement moonlight my 2 cents.
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Post by laughter on May 5, 2018 8:27:31 GMT -5
faintly meowing stuck in the next door basement finally! moonlight! Enjoyed this one. It is reminiscent of classical Japanese haiku. A nicely captured moment bringing a smile. :-) As feedback I would say consider paring the moment down even simpler. Less description. It invites the reader to use their own imagination when they are not told the whole story. That's part of the fun it. Getting to fill in the blanks with our own images of the scene. It can be quite enlightening to learn how some reader's imagine our poems to be. :-) This may be too simplistic for some tastes, but what comes to mind is... meowing in the next door basement- moonlight I included a dash at the end of line 2 to separate the phrase from the fragment. Most modern haiku however no longer use stops. The idea being to let the reader find the stop for themselves, which can also be part of the fun. meowing in the next door basement moonlight my 2 cents. Thanks for the perspective, sure, I see how minimally leading the reader into the action is in the spirit of the form. What I'd never give up about the last line is how it makes it clear where the perspective is from. I did make one change that I think flows it better "basement next door". Yes, I see how describing the place is a reliance on the conceptual. The great thing about 5-7-5 is that the form allows the poem to just write itself. It's like .. the form is the factory. These words just appear from notable moments. If I were to go off the pattern here the one choice I would have made is to drop the -ly from faintly. Hoping that the story gets less harsh for ya' in the coming months man.
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Post by justlikeyou on May 5, 2018 8:48:19 GMT -5
Enjoyed this one. It is reminiscent of classical Japanese haiku. A nicely captured moment bringing a smile. :-) As feedback I would say consider paring the moment down even simpler. Less description. It invites the reader to use their own imagination when they are not told the whole story. That's part of the fun it. Getting to fill in the blanks with our own images of the scene. It can be quite enlightening to learn how some reader's imagine our poems to be. :-) This may be too simplistic for some tastes, but what comes to mind is... meowing in the next door basement- moonlight I included a dash at the end of line 2 to separate the phrase from the fragment. Most modern haiku however no longer use stops. The idea being to let the reader find the stop for themselves, which can also be part of the fun. meowing in the next door basement moonlight my 2 cents. Thanks for the perspective, sure, I see how minimally leading the reader into the action is in the spirit of the form. What I'd never give up about the last line is how it makes it clear where the perspective is from. I did make one change that I think flows it better "basement next door". Yes, I see how describing the place is a reliance on the conceptual. The great thing about 5-7-5 is that the form allows the poem to just write itself. It's like .. the form is the factory. These words just appear from notable moments. If I were to go off the pattern here the one choice I would have made is to drop the -ly from faintly. Hoping that the story gets less harsh for ya' in the coming months man. I noted the -ly in faintly being unneccessary too :-) The "story" is still unfolding. One of the things - of many - I learned/realized from a recent 5 day silent retreat with Adya is to embody fully, consciously, whatever is. In this case generally, a divorce and complete life change, and specifically, this past week, it meant actively participating in the selling/showing of our house. And why not? I know all the improvements, benefits and features better than any realtor, because I made them. This house is ready for TEOTWAWKI. :-) Ironically, that is a security Life has says time to live without too. :-) And I'm good with it. Anyway, it all went over well. After all the first week showings, we received 9 offers, more than half being over the asking price. :-) So, we'll see. Now, on to liquidating the personal property. Anyone need a John Deere tractor? :-)
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