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Post by laughter on Nov 30, 2019 5:10:36 GMT -5
You speak plumberese. Luckily my Dad was a Master Plumber and I know the lingo. :-) Anywho, without your prose account, I'm not sure how I would have ever guessed at the scene/image you were attempting to convey. Maybe your intent is something other than presenting an image others can enter into? The answer is a Haiga. Most of the above would do with the slightest edit, followed by the haiku. Perfect. Oh, now, of course that gives me an idea!
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Post by laughter on Nov 30, 2019 5:13:13 GMT -5
heh heh, well, I admit up front that it was an inside haiku. .. the yawning was ambiguous, yes, so it was sort of like a riddle wrapped up in the rhyme, and now I'm curious as to whether ZD or E', farmer, the 'pilgrim or any other dude with dirt under his fingernails would have got it. .. the key clue is that the it was a "turning tool" used to "tap" the valve: the fact that I had a wrench was the indicator that "do it tomorrow" was about changing the valve. Do you see the comedy in the laziness now? turning tool, yes, a wrench. Gathered at least that it could be that. :-) But the language here is not direct or what is commonly used, mainly because you are constrained in your word usage by adhering to a certain number of syllables per line which forces you to be more subjective than you might be if not so constrained. Thanks for sharing your feedback .. yes, I can see how it's obscure, for sure. Notice that, similar to Reefs' point about how koans have a cultural substrate, the brevity of Haiku relies on commonality of experience. So, doesn't this lend an insight as to why so much of it involves the natural world? "The Yawn", is definitely for a limited audience. As to the 5-7-5 .. well, I sort of let the form be the process, and that's quite freeing and lends to a liquidity of the experience of expressing it .. also, I kinda' like the resulting rhythm of the words that resulted.
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Post by justlikeyou on Nov 30, 2019 7:43:44 GMT -5
You speak plumberese. Luckily my Dad was a Master Plumber and I know the lingo. :-) Anywho, without your prose account, I'm not sure how I would have ever guessed at the scene/image you were attempting to convey. Maybe your intent is something other than presenting an image others can enter into? The answer is a Haiga. Most of the above would do with the slightest edit, followed by the haiku. Perfect. Haiga (俳画, haikai drawing) is a style of Japanese painting that incorporates the aesthetics of haikai. Haiga are typically painted by haiku poets (haijin), and often accompanied by a haiku poem. Like the poetic form it accompanied, haiga was based on simple, yet often profound, observations of the everyday world. I think you meant haibun. Haibun (俳文, literally, haikai writings) is a prosimetric literary form originating in Japan, combining prose and haiku. The range of haibun is broad and frequently includes autobiography, diary, essay, prose poem, short story and travel journal.
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Post by glimmer on Nov 30, 2019 9:34:08 GMT -5
The answer is a Haiga. Most of the above would do with the slightest edit, followed by the haiku. Perfect. Haiga (俳画, haikai drawing) is a style of Japanese painting that incorporates the aesthetics of haikai. Haiga are typically painted by haiku poets (haijin), and often accompanied by a haiku poem. Like the poetic form it accompanied, haiga was based on simple, yet often profound, observations of the everyday world. I think you meant haibun. Haibun (俳文, literally, haikai writings) is a prosimetric literary form originating in Japan, combining prose and haiku. The range of haibun is broad and frequently includes autobiography, diary, essay, prose poem, short story and travel journal. Yes, my inattentive typo. Haiga are often presented with a photo rather than a painting in this modern day and age .. could be interesting actually for laughter’s piece.
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Post by justlikeyou on Nov 30, 2019 9:51:28 GMT -5
turning tool, yes, a wrench. Gathered at least that it could be that. :-) But the language here is not direct or what is commonly used, mainly because you are constrained in your word usage by adhering to a certain number of syllables per line which forces you to be more subjective than you might be if not so constrained. Thanks for sharing your feedback .. yes, I can see how it's obscure, for sure. Notice that, similar to Reefs' point about how koans have a cultural substrate, the brevity of Haiku relies on commonality of experience. So, doesn't this lend an insight as to why so much of it involves the natural world? "The Yawn", is definitely for a limited audience. As to the 5-7-5 .. well, I sort of let the form be the process, and that's quite freeing and lends to a liquidity of the experience of expressing it .. also, I kinda' like the resulting rhythm of the words that resulted. Nothing wrong with 5-7-5, even if only for your own entertainment. :-) But even here I am certain that common language can be employed effectively if one wanted to, though it still would be unlikely to be picked up by an editor unless it shone like the sun, leaving them no choice. :-) There is another similar Japanese form called Tanka - it originally was a 5-7-5-7-7 format, but like 5-7-5 haiku, modern poets of haiku and tanka generally eschew the old style format for reasons I won't get into now. However, I recently wrote my first tanka based upon the passing of my daughter a couple of months ago, and I DID use the old format as I was influenced by an older Tanka website that prefers the older format. A rarity for sure. In it I used common language and form. in cold morning sun leaves in a crosswalk skip by while bare trees look on I hear your last words to me "I love you, Dad" and "Goodbye"
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Post by justlikeyou on Nov 30, 2019 9:54:44 GMT -5
Haiga (俳画, haikai drawing) is a style of Japanese painting that incorporates the aesthetics of haikai. Haiga are typically painted by haiku poets (haijin), and often accompanied by a haiku poem. Like the poetic form it accompanied, haiga was based on simple, yet often profound, observations of the everyday world. I think you meant haibun. Haibun (俳文, literally, haikai writings) is a prosimetric literary form originating in Japan, combining prose and haiku. The range of haibun is broad and frequently includes autobiography, diary, essay, prose poem, short story and travel journal. Yes, my inattentive typo. Haiga are often presented with a photo rather than a painting in this modern day and age .. could be interesting actually for laughter’s piece. Yes, photographs are a very common medium in haiga. And yes, Laughter's prose account could potentially make a wonderful haibun. :-)
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Post by laughter on Dec 1, 2019 5:57:57 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing your feedback .. yes, I can see how it's obscure, for sure. Notice that, similar to Reefs' point about how koans have a cultural substrate, the brevity of Haiku relies on commonality of experience. So, doesn't this lend an insight as to why so much of it involves the natural world? "The Yawn", is definitely for a limited audience. As to the 5-7-5 .. well, I sort of let the form be the process, and that's quite freeing and lends to a liquidity of the experience of expressing it .. also, I kinda' like the resulting rhythm of the words that resulted. Nothing wrong with 5-7-5, even if only for your own entertainment. :-) But even here I am certain that common language can be employed effectively if one wanted to, though it still would be unlikely to be picked up by an editor unless it shone like the sun, leaving them no choice. :-) There is another similar Japanese form called Tanka - it originally was a 5-7-5-7-7 format, but like 5-7-5 haiku, modern poets of haiku and tanka generally eschew the old style format for reasons I won't get into now. However, I recently wrote my first tanka based upon the passing of my daughter a couple of months ago, and I DID use the old format as I was influenced by an older Tanka website that prefers the older format. A rarity for sure. In it I used common language and form. in cold morning sun leaves in a crosswalk skip by while bare trees look on I hear your last words to me "I love you, Dad" and "Goodbye"
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Post by justlikeyou on Dec 1, 2019 11:07:00 GMT -5
Nothing wrong with 5-7-5, even if only for your own entertainment. :-) But even here I am certain that common language can be employed effectively if one wanted to, though it still would be unlikely to be picked up by an editor unless it shone like the sun, leaving them no choice. :-) There is another similar Japanese form called Tanka - it originally was a 5-7-5-7-7 format, but like 5-7-5 haiku, modern poets of haiku and tanka generally eschew the old style format for reasons I won't get into now. However, I recently wrote my first tanka based upon the passing of my daughter a couple of months ago, and I DID use the old format as I was influenced by an older Tanka website that prefers the older format. A rarity for sure. In it I used common language and form. in cold morning sun leaves in a crosswalk skip by while bare trees look on I hear your last words to me "I love you, Dad" and "Goodbye" This may not be the proper place to post this, but I will anyway. It is something Tolle once said, and as I mentioned in the PM to you, it speaks well to the experience of being with my daughter those last 39 hours. "It is a great privilege and a sacred act to be present at a person’s death as a witness and companion. When you sit with a dying person, do not deny any aspect of that experience. Do not deny what is happening and do not deny your feelings. The recognition that there is nothing you can do may make you feel helpless, sad, or angry. Accept what you feel. Then go one step further: accept that there is nothing you can do, and accept it completely. You are not in control. Deeply surrender to every aspect of that experience, your feelings as well as any pain or discomfort the dying person may be experiencing. Your surrendered state of consciousness and the stillness that comes with it will greatly assist the dying person and ease their transition. If words are called for, they will come out of the stillness within you. But they will be secondary. With the stillness comes the benediction: peace."
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Post by zin on Dec 2, 2019 19:45:18 GMT -5
This may not be the proper place to post this, but I will anyway. It is something Tolle once said, and as I mentioned in the PM to you, it speaks well to the experience of being with my daughter those last 39 hours. "It is a great privilege and a sacred act to be present at a person’s death as a witness and companion. When you sit with a dying person, do not deny any aspect of that experience. Do not deny what is happening and do not deny your feelings. The recognition that there is nothing you can do may make you feel helpless, sad, or angry. Accept what you feel. Then go one step further: accept that there is nothing you can do, and accept it completely. You are not in control. Deeply surrender to every aspect of that experience, your feelings as well as any pain or discomfort the dying person may be experiencing. Your surrendered state of consciousness and the stillness that comes with it will greatly assist the dying person and ease their transition. If words are called for, they will come out of the stillness within you. But they will be secondary. With the stillness comes the benediction: peace." Good to hear you here.
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Post by laughter on Dec 9, 2019 5:15:58 GMT -5
Countless diamonds flicker and glitter In the cold, but bright, low morning angle On the undisturbed expanse
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Post by laughter on Mar 12, 2020 3:11:01 GMT -5
emerging from mist ancestral images fade to sensation
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Post by laughter on Jun 8, 2021 1:24:51 GMT -5
dappled sunlight on purple wildflowers along the trail
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Post by laughter on Jun 14, 2021 4:11:31 GMT -5
listen to sweet June murmur, in the pattering of gentle night rain
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Post by laughter on Jun 17, 2021 10:59:19 GMT -5
peanutbutter whiskers * snap! * alive and well
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