comfort, relief and the mind

[loverofall]

The koans have a been a great way to see how much of a grip the mind has on this person. They make me uncomfortable. This with some emotional awarenesses on relief and comfort have driven home the point that being uncomfortable and not looking for relief is part of this journey. I understand that there is no person but the patterns still arise very strong and overwhelms the clear seeing that has been here at times.

The mind is alway looking for ways to get through something or to avoid something because it is unpleasant. The more emotional scars the stronger the mind and patterns is my personal experience and what I have seen in others that are undoing mind patterns.

Exercising with a goal to be in shape is not as helpful as exercising and feeling the sensations and the experience. Today I saw how through the whole workout there are thoughts of just a few more reps or a few minutes more and I caught the seeking mind looking for relief and salvation in the future. The more I focused on the pain of the muscles or beating of the heart the quieter the mind got but also fear kept arising as I shifted from seeking to experiencing.

With that said, exercise has been the bedrock of this persons journey since it began a couple years ago. In the beginning like everything else it starts with seeking and wanting to be better but that stick has to burn up at sometime in the fire and its now starting to smoke.

Even as I type this I can see the mind patterns come in strong and then shift out as I let go. ZD is right, the mind still has a good grip here. Great awareness today. The focusing on these koans are doing something if not at the least seeing how strong the mind still is. Its all about awarenesses. This board is so helpful. Thanks.

[zendancer]

Loverofall: You're so right. On the way to adulthood we unconsciously develop lots of mental habits that obscure or distort reality. These are a few of the patterns that occur to me at the moment:

1. Comparing mind: This is the mental habit that is responsible for the idea of "keeping up with the Joneses." We compare our ideas, our bodies, our achievements, our possessions, etc. with those of others, and it is a tough habit to break. When we catch this habit in action, we can remind ourselves that who we are, what we have, what we've achieved, how we look, etc are always a perfect manifestation of "what is." There is no better or worse in the absolute; there is only THAT.

2. Checking mind: This is the habit we develop of second-guessing ourselves. It is the superego in action. As we shift from a life dominated by mind to a life of direct action and direct perception, this habit falls away on its own. We become confident that we are always doing what we have to be doing regardless of what other people think, or, more importantly, what we think. Zen Master Seung Sahn used to remind his students of the Nike commercial--"Just do it!" and I would add, "Don't look back." Stay in the present moment and do what has to be done. It is the mindstate of a warrior.

3. Fantasizing mind: This is the habit we develop of living for the future or always thinking about the future. It is the "Walter Mitty mind" in action. We go on vacation and imagine that someone may have broken into our home. We think we'll be happier in the future when such and such happens. We walk into an empty home and wonder if someone is hiding behind the door. There are an endless supply of thoughts about the future, and almost all worries revolve around imagined future events that very rarely occur. Fortunately, this habit is not as hard to break as a habit like comparing mind. We simply have to get in the habit of recognizing when the mind is focusing upon the future and bring our attention back to what is here and now. We refuse to let the mind take us away from the present moment.

4. Judging mind: This habit is pernicious and powerful. We look at people and immediately categorize them, putting them into various imaginary boxes. We see them as young or old, dumb or smart, black or white, male or female, like us or different than us, correct or incorrect, liberal or conservative, etc. Breaking this habit requires vigilance and quick action to prevent it from carrying us away into extended internal monologues about "us" versus "them." Many of us judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else, and this is often more destructive of open-mindedness and tolerance than anything else we do. Realizing, even if only intellectually, that everyone we interact with is ourself helps keep things in perspective.

5. Attachment mind: We develop the habit of getting intensely attached to various ideas that we think are "correct." We do not realize that this habit puts us into a kind of prison and usually prevents us from seeing the truth. We become like "the cigarette man" and no one can tell us anything. We can't learn anything new because our mind is closed. It is far better to have a beginner's mind where all things are possible.

More on this topic later. One of these days we need to also discuss the difference between the monastic traditions and the householder tradition as they apply to this path, but right now the sun is shining and I think I'll go mow some grass. Ciao.

[karen]

Hi loverofall,

I also find exercise to have been a major part of my seeking. I hike around a hilly path near my house, and I will climb hills and feel the discomfort and find it quite analogous to seeking itself. The hiking itself (done with trekking poles) is like an nlp swish almost (it's not important to know what that is). For the first several years of seeking, I'd only seem to be earnest on those hills.

But now whenever anything unpleasant comes up, I can almost hear John Sherman's calm voice saying: "None of that can hurt you. None of that can help you. And none of that is a problem. It is rather an effect - and effect of believing you are at stake in this life" - and I get back to looking at myself.

I use to (secretly) hate it when people would say that my problems weren't problems at all, but I would try to accept that and try to know what that meant. But it makes far more sense to me that they are not problems but rather effects of a deeper problem. This validates my pain rather than dismissing it. And it becomes more than a mere slogan. And it points me to go deeper. And it takes a load off!

Now the suffering is a reminder to look at myself. It is also a bellwether. It's not a problem in itself. What a relief.