dei
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by dei on Mar 31, 2010 18:24:30 GMT -5
A (clear) friend posted this on Facebook recently. I love it! Any comments? Got any great God jokes to share? I collect them in case i get a speaking gig.
A man fell off a cliff and was hanging on by his fingers. He yelled "Anybody up there?" A voice said "Yes" He asked "Can you help me?" The voice said "Yes, let go" The man said "Who are you" The Voice said "God" The man called out again and God answered the same way. The man asked "Is there anyone else up there?"
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Post by Portto on Apr 1, 2010 14:12:36 GMT -5
Nice joke, especially for those interested in nonduality!
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Post by zendancer on Apr 1, 2010 20:13:18 GMT -5
Well, this is not a God joke, but.........
A Hindu priest, a Jewish rabbi, and a televangelist were on a trip when their car broke down. They went to a nearby farmhouse and asked the farmer if they could spend the night in his house. The farmer told them that he only had room for two of them, and that one person would have to sleep in the barn behind the house.
The Hindu priest volunteered to sleep in the barn, and they all went to bed. Five minutes later there was a knock on the back door. It was the priest. He explained that he hadn't known that there was a cow in the barn, and that as a Hindu he couldn't sleep with a cow.
The rabbi told him that a cow wouldn't bother him, and he volunteered to take his place in the barn. Everybody went to bed, but five minutes later there was a knock on the back door. It was the rabbi. He explained that he hadn't known that there was a pig in the barn, and there was no way he could sleep with a pig.
The televangelist told everyone that neither a cow nor a pig would bother him, and he volunteered to take the rabbi's place. Everybody went to bed and five minutes later there was a knock at the back door. It was the cow and the pig.
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Post by Portto on Apr 1, 2010 22:30:22 GMT -5
Nice one! Now, we must find out why the cow and the pig have left... Did the televangelist take out the book or the knife? Meanwhile, you can look at this image:  |
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Post by frankshank on Apr 2, 2010 5:10:41 GMT -5
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good-looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."
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Post by lightmystic on Apr 2, 2010 10:52:42 GMT -5
A Bum and a Preacher were playing golf. The Bum swung and missed the hole. He said "d**n I missed!" The Preacher said "You know, you really shouldn't say that, God doesn't like it." "Ah, whatever old man, the Bum mumbled to himself." The Preacher goes and has a nice drive. The Bum's shot curves off to the side, he says "d**n I missed." The Preacher says, "Look, I told you not to say that. If you say that again, God will strike you down." The Bum is not sure if he believes it, but decides that maybe he ought to play it safe this time. This time, however, the Preacher gets a hole in one. The Bum lines up his shot carefully, makes a beautiful drive and the ball goes around the outside of the the hole and ends up only one inch away. "d**n I missed!" Shouts the Bum.
Just then, lightening comes from the heavens, strikes the Preacher, the Preacher dies, and this voice from heaven says "DAMN I MISSED!"
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