Best methods for emotional pain and ego patterns

[loverofall]

Ok, as the awareness increases (or more correctly stated, as I realize more of the awareness that is already there) and these past pains and patterns cloud me up, whats the best way to deal with them?

Is just staying with the patterns and allowing them to arise and pass through the best way?

Some times the pull of ego patterns are so strong that I wonder if I am doing it the best way because it always shocks me at how strong these patterns still are.

Could this also be just being more aware of what is already there and that awareness is more disturbing? As I think about it now, the patterns are definitely less so maybe its the contrast that is driving this post. Your insights are always appreciated.

[karen]

Hi there!

Yes I too seem to be in the same predicament as you. I've tried many methods. In chronological order from memory, I've tried: hypnosis, EFT, and "The Sedona Method". But none of these have worked for me long term.

My definition of "worked" is to be free from identification from the emotion whether the underlying story persists or not, as long as I'm not identified I'm OK with them still being there.

But I think there has been subtle expectations of permanent freedom from them such that they never arise again, and after so long I start wanting them gone again. And I've fallen back into painful repression over the years.

But my latest method now is when they arise, I use this form and say: "I feel shame. I actually feel shame over this. I actually think this shame is mine" etc.

I started doing this recently after completely owning up to my feelings by saying: "I'm so ashamed" and feeling it deeply, but I moved onto the above form as I feel its more true rather than me being such and such.

By continuously addressing these emotions, I've slowly started being able to not identify with them, so that they can be there like any other object around me. But if I feel identification, I stay uber-honest with myself and not to try to "fake it till I make it" - the trick of the primate that doesn't work in this arena. I need moment by moment super self-honesty here. Nothing less will do. And when I feel suffering, I always seem to be BSing myself.

What have you tried in the past. Has my cycle seemed similar to yours?

[frankshank]

I'm reading a book by John Wheeler at the moment called 'You were never born' and it's full of questions and answers along these lines. He keeps things simple and has clarity. His strength, the way I perceive it anyway, is that he keeps returning to the basic truth that we are present awareness and he does it in such a way that all the other issues don't seem so important. Know what you are!

[loverofall]

Karen: I do something similar to that but use there is instead of I feel. I do believe that all these methods help because the more you watch the emotions the less you identify with them. The absolute best method that I know of is the resting in awareness but when there is a strong pattern, it takes effort to let go of the pattern and not identify with it.

The more emotional trauma the stronger ego patterns of fear of feeling. I know people who took emotional freedom classes with me all had different experiences.

After reflection today, seeing that there is no I and that the patterns are illusion and to rest in awareness and think I want this and could feel this way the rest of my life seems to be my best formula.

I am aware now how there is a split second to stop a bad feeling and extend good feelings which is the whole problem. When I feel I want this feeling its rough but there is a freeing experience that if I can want bad feelings than its game over.

I had a freind do somthing that triggered old patterns and today I was able to sit with the feelings of anger and fear and get a feeling of wanting the situation, thoughts and feelings along with it. Thats why Christ taught return love for hate and forgiveness because you are basically reversing ego patterns by doing the opposite.

I had a person a few weeks ago at work really step over the line and I was able to return kindness and not act on the ego patterns of defense and attack and that was rough but I believe that is where the greatest growth happens when we can act opposite a known ego created feeling.

Anthony DeMello says the 3 hardest things for people to do are

1) Return love for hate
2) Admit your wrong
3) Include those that are excluded.

They have all helped me undo ego.

[loverofall]

Frankshank: I read a book by John Wheeler called "The Natural State". He is good for pointing people past the need to achieve anything other than recognize pure awareness.

Maybe this is my illusion but I think there still has to be some undoing of emotional patterns and calming the mind to some level to see what he talks about. I read his book a year ago and now it seems to resonate much more.

I do notice that I can shift at times to awareness and feel so free and not get caught up in the clouds like he puts it but then other times there is such a strong reacting that it takes minutes to get to a point to let go completely.

The teachers that say all you have to do is see that you are already awarness usually have 10, 20 or even 30 years on the path. I have less than 3. Don't get me wrong, I think they can speed this up so we don't chase things for that long and maybe that is why they talk from that point because they know there is already a ton of other info out there that makes people seek forever.

There is undoing. The ego is a creation of thoughts, pains and memories attached to I. Weakening those patterns and letting go makes it easier to see the illusion completely.

Maybe I am wrong but this where I am and Zen Dancer's approach in his book seem to verify this. There is stuff to do but don't think you can do things to get enlightenment because at some point you have to let it all go.

[loverofall]

Karen: I am glad you asked that question because it made me get my thoughts together.

I also ask the question"To whom are these feeling and thoughts coming" and I realize no one and they are caused by another no one. That seems to dissolve it quicker too. For me its about how long until I realize I am caught up.

Zendancer's notes is a great idea. I am putting them up everywhere with the tricks that work. I have things on my desktop, in my car, in the bathroom, on the refridge and I am now setting up automatic emails and texts to hit me through the day.

Another idea I must follow through on now is to have Katie Byron's "The Work" worksheets printed out to go through.

You made me realize I am not using all the stuff I know. Probably ego resistance deep down.

[frankshank]

Mar 17, 2010 21:21:53 GMT -5 loverofall said:

Frankshank: I read a book by John Wheeler called "The Natural State". He is good for pointing people past the need to achieve anything other than recognize pure awareness.

Maybe this is my illusion but I think there still has to be some undoing of emotional patterns and calming the mind to some level to see what he talks about. I read his book a year ago and now it seems to resonate much more.

I do notice that I can shift at times to awareness and feel so free and not get caught up in the clouds like he puts it but then other times there is such a strong reacting that it takes minutes to get to a point to let go completely.

The teachers that say all you have to do is see that you are already awarness usually have 10, 20 or even 30 years on the path. I have less than 3. Don't get me wrong, I think they can speed this up so we don't chase things for that long and maybe that is why they talk from that point because they know there is already a ton of other info out there that makes people seek forever.

There is undoing. The ego is a creation of thoughts, pains and memories attached to I. Weakening those patterns and letting go makes it easier to see the illusion completely.

Maybe I am wrong but this where I am and Zen Dancer's approach in his book seem to verify this. There is stuff to do but don't think you can do things to get enlightenment because at some point you have to let it all go.

Fair enough. I'm not experiencing what you're experiencing. I have it in my head that recognizing what I am will be easy when the time is right so I may be in for a shock lol. Please forgive me if I offer advice and it's old news or not appropriate. I wish you all the best with the undoing!

[loverofall]

There is nothing to forgive. Your post was great. Wheeler does offer a great perspective that can save time. It was great for me to think about and there are many others who don't post who read these posts who might benefit. If you like John Wheeler, I recommend a book by James Braha on Sailor Bob. There is also a great blog written by a Rodney Stevens that is just pointers and questions that I find very valuable to read often.

radianceofbeing.blogspot.com/

It could be that my ego thinks there is really somthing it can do. I don't know, I am along for the ride. Point of no return for sure.

[frankshank]

I'm sure you'll work through it just fine!

Thanks for the book recommendation and blog link. I'll check them out!

[lightmystic]

On the subject of this thread, I find that Adyashanti made a great observation at one point, which is that the ego is not a noun, but a verb. It's not some other thing separate from us, it's just a deeply held energetic habit of functioning. You could say that, at the deepest level, we are on the habit of functioning as if separate. And we've started to believe that's the reality. We've done it for so long that it's shocking to even begin to realize how tightly we cling to it. And the letting go of those old habits can be a very intense and uncomfortable process. So we have to be very gentle with ourselves and as open to life as we can, because life always provides subtle cues on what is next for us (and, if we resist, often not-so-subtle cues . But I don't think we have to worry about how to do it. It's more of a gentle experimenting, a gentle feeling into. Listen to life, listen to others and see what resonates with you....I have no doubt that anyone who sincerely wants to learn how to undo their energetic habit of functioning can discover it, but it takes really re-examining everything we've assumed to be a certain way. It takes a certain kind of innocence of experience, of stopping assuming that we know, or that we can know, anything on a conceptual level. And that doesn't mean that won't know either sometimes. We just don't know. It's a return to our most innocent, perhaps most vulnerable, feeling level, and starting to follow that feeling, without having to "figure it out" or get ideas about what those feelings "mean". Everyone is getting it....it just takes some time, some patience with the process, and some understanding....

[karen]

I was watching this clip of John Sherman (thanks elduderino) where he mentions the non-direct technique of Ramana's which was to go to the core of the particular feeling when it's present and hold it by the throat. I've been doing that today. It's very helpful.

[loverofall]

Thanks Karen,

That resonated with me. He has a powerful way of explaining no self. The visual of a teacher like that made a difference. As I was going inside to find the core of a feeling it was causing fear like reactions which means somthing is working. Crazy spiritual seekers wanting to feel fear. LOL.

[enigma]

While we're clear that undoing is the goal, and methods have their place, these can also be a trap when the goal is to stop something that one is doing. Much better to call a meeting of all the participants and start handing out pink slips.

Be sure not to seat opponents next to each other. The one who likes to think should be seated at the other end of the table from the one who wants to stop the thinking. Ditto for the one who's hanging on and the one who is trying to let go. Ego, super-ego and hyper-ego should never be permitted to make eye contact with one another.

They are, of course, all the same, including the one handing out the pink slips, but it all makes for a fascinating story, or a bloody car wreck, depending on which end of the table you're sitting. It can be most useful to simplify the equation, though it may not be as much fun. There is only one imaginary person. If this is seen clearly, you might start to feel like a deer caught in the headlights, which is a good thingy.

Lets say your intention is to drop a diamond into the ocean. You stand on the rocks with your closed hand extended over the waves, grasping the diamond. At this point, do you need a practice in order to let go? You review Byron Katie and the Sedona method and try to remember how that 'letting go' mantra goes. Suddenly it seems like you're not alone on the rocks in the simplicity of your intention, but really you are.

There comes a time, (who can say when?) when the warrior tires of swinging his blade, and waving his white flag, because they seem equally futile, pointless and endless. He sees that the battle rages on no matter what he's doing because it's his interest in what is going on on the battlefield that keeps it going.

So he walks away.

Is there a practice for learning how to walk off the battlefield? No, there isn't.

[frankshank]

Enigma: Great first post. I really enjoyed reading it. Now, where can I get hold of some pink slips?

[enigma]

Frank: Now, where can I get hold of some pink slips?



.......Damn! I knew I forgot something.