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Post by lightmystic on Feb 18, 2010 11:36:56 GMT -5
At the suggestion of others, I've recognized the wisdom of attempting to put some of the new developments of my experience into words, as the attempt helps me get clearer on it. I'm going to try to do that regularly in this thread. As always, I encourage people to poke or question it if they want to, as that helps me look more deeply at it and find more clarity and more things about it. I will try to add to this thread a little bit on a frequent basis to the extent that it seems useful.
And, as always, I would encourage anyone who wants to to put their direct experience in a thread, starting to explore that, and open it for the poking of others.....I find that amazing clarity comes out of that if people have that inclination....Anyway, the first post:
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 18, 2010 11:50:41 GMT -5
There is an experience of the density of everything, as if everything is like a black hole of space/time foam Awareness....The Infinite so dense......that it's like the complete merging of infinite solidity and structure. To quote, the movie: the Dark Knight, it's substance is like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. It's actually exactly like that, the one substance is whatever it looks like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object....complete mergence of structure and structurelessness. And each of the two are infinite. And the structure being infinite means that each particle is fluid/completely stable, and extends out to infinity, infinitely connected to every other particle of every possible structure..... And I can feel that with my senses. It's so physical and so concrete that it feels as if it's being experienced with senses that are somehow grosser than physical senses, that physical senses are a subtle precursor to. I suppose that these senses are what used to be conceived of as my "subtle senses", but they have gotten so concrete, that they are now more solid to me than my physical senses, although it's a completely connected continuum. But it's almost as if the continuum is flipped upside down from what is was, where the once subtle is now grosser than the physical, which is now subtle.  I think I'll stop there for now....but next time, I want to talk about the different levels of density of infinite, because that's what gives rise to the structure that I've been experiencing lately.... |
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Post by maggie on Feb 18, 2010 13:12:58 GMT -5
Just last night at the meditation group, the topic I brought up was death, I am tired of the specter hanging over my shoulder. The night before there was an experience of being pressed out, the head was felt to be sat upon and spread, whew, beautiful. It seems to have then stirred up things, as I asked my mentor what the hell am I doing with this thought of death, cancer etc....she said a few very pointed things and then she said that "Maggie", does not exist, how can it die. Some thing to that effect. I can tell you for years I have chanted " I am not a body I am free", "There is no death the child of God is free" on and on and on..... The one thing that was never allowed to happen is to get past the barrier self erected. Now I can not shake that statement there is no Maggie......its not the first time Ive heard it or entertained it...No but this time the arrow went straight to the heart....I feel mortally wounded in the best possible sense.... There was a stillness as I heard the words as if something deep within paid total attention and heard the words, as if it sat up erect to hear....then I heard the words "And the last to be overcome is death"
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Post by Portto on Feb 18, 2010 21:01:24 GMT -5
Wow, that is quite an experience, LM!
What I find interesting is that you acknowledge an upside down flip in what you sense.
If a flip happened, it can happen again anytime, in any direction.
So, do you feel that your experience is some sort of final state, or is it just a step in an infinite process?
If the process is infinite, are the new states being formed now, or were they always here - but you didn't notice them?
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Post by drunkenlady on Feb 19, 2010 5:00:58 GMT -5
For whom does this experience occur? And for what reason?
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 19, 2010 12:04:01 GMT -5
Hey maggie, Sounds like you are going through a very big transformation! It's beautiful that you are actually starting to directly see and experience the core fears, so that you can start to let the resistance to them go.... Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience! Just last night at the meditation group, the topic I brought up was death, I am tired of the specter hanging over my shoulder. The night before there was an experience of being pressed out, the head was felt to be sat upon and spread, whew, beautiful. It seems to have then stirred up things, as I asked my mentor what the hell am I doing with this thought of death, cancer etc....she said a few very pointed things and then she said that "Maggie", does not exist, how can it die. Some thing to that effect. I can tell you for years I have chanted " I am not a body I am free", "There is no death the child of God is free" on and on and on..... The one thing that was never allowed to happen is to get past the barrier self erected. Now I can not shake that statement there is no Maggie......its not the first time Ive heard it or entertained it...No but this time the arrow went straight to the heart....I feel mortally wounded in the best possible sense.... There was a stillness as I heard the words as if something deep within paid total attention and heard the words, as if it sat up erect to hear....then I heard the words "And the last to be overcome is death" |
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 19, 2010 12:12:29 GMT -5
Hey porto, I don't really feel like the flip is a construct that is subject to change the way you are talking about. It's more like recognizing so deeply that everything is just Awareness, and realizing my sensory relationship to that, that the subtle senses are clearer now even than the gross. The gross senses haven't lost anything, but there never was anything other than Awareness, and, upon seeing that, I do not see that there is a way to ever unsee that on the most fundamental level..... In terms of finality, there was a point where the individual disappeared (or rather, that's what it felt like at the time - it's more like I just realized that the individual NEVER existed), and then there was an end to suffering. From there, rather than each new experience being more correct than the old one, and replacing it, it was more like each new experience was a finer detailed understanding that provided more knowledge, rather than invalidating the previous. It was like more in-depth insight and commentary into what has fundamentally always been the same "thing" since that time. But, the deeper recognition of it's mechanics brings all kinds of new things to light, and so the experience changes completely many times over, just not in a way that invalidates, or doesn't include, any of the experiences/recognitions that came since the individual disappeared.... Because what is being recognized is infinite and eternal, the process were always here, it's just that enough clarity comes for them to finally be recognized, and then fully experienced and appreciated. And so, yes, the infinite processes were always there, always available, on some level, but recognize makes it feel like it has become true. Wow, that is quite an experience, LM! What I find interesting is that you acknowledge an upside down flip in what you sense. If a flip happened, it can happen again anytime, in any direction. So, do you feel that your experience is some sort of final state, or is it just a step in an infinite process? If the process is infinite, are the new states being formed now, or were they always here - but you didn't notice them? |
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 19, 2010 12:17:19 GMT -5
Hey drunkenlady, Thanks for the poke! I cannot say that this experience is happening to someone specific to the exclusion of someone else specific. I would say that, to the extent that ME represents all there has ever been, ever could be, ever has not been, and all that could ever not be, then it is ME who is experiencing it. And nobody and no thing is not included in that ME. In terms of reason, I have looked a lot into these, because meaning was important to me. In the end, I've found that the idea of reason or non reason is really just coming from a feeling of connectedness or lack thereof. To the extent that I do not feel connected, then there is a feeling of meaninglessness, and any "reason" I would come up with as to why there is no meaning is just a backwards rationalization from feeling disconnected. To the extent that I feel connected, then it feels like everything is inherently meaningful, and any meaning that I give would just be a backwards rationalization from feeling connected. So, you could say, that there is all meanings, an infinite number of meanings to life and growth, but no one as OPPOSED to another.... Does that make sense? For whom does this experience occur? And for what reason? |
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 19, 2010 12:34:45 GMT -5
Experience continued: Post II
This infinite "substance" that was being referred to in the prior experience, which is a complete homogeneous mixture of Absolute (eternal)/Relative (ever changing) - a sort of "eternal deep comfortable black hole/excited fluctuating cosmic light" - one thing, appears to have different levels of density. And those different level of density seem to have the job of give rise to time/eternity/diversity in an appearance that does not ever leave this cosmic structure (i.e. the appearance doesn't "go anywhere" when appearing - there is no difference or separation). And the density or lack of density in this, as if, "virtual space" of each thing determines which archetype of thing will be created, and that archetype will burst into diversity of everything. It's like the value that holds the eternal memory of all things, all tendencies, in big overarching blocks....and that fractures into a million different things....each one of those blocks dividing into smaller blocks, which explode into the confetti of quadrillions and quadrillions of particles, which can appear as universes, galaxies, planets, beings, structures of Creation, etc. And all of this is not sequential. It's all pre-expressed, always currently being expressed, and already has been done being expressed simultaneously. The very idea that it's "going" to happen, never leaves, and the very implication means it's never really not happened, never really happened, and never really been other than about to happen at the same time.
And so this density of virtual space, which remains pre-expressed even during it's full expression structures all potential and actual existence (and by virtue of that, all non-existence too).
And what contains that, what the virtual space is itself is what I'm going to call the Feminine value. It's that which, when getting smaller than the smallest possible smallness IS that which is bigger than the biggest possible bigness. It's like the gap itself, the Absolute, itself, has an infinite eternal structure, and the gaps between those gaps are pure silence, pure shiva. There is NOTHING in the most fullest sense. And what contains that nothing is that Feminine value. It's just not feminine as opposed to masculine. It's a femininity that is irrespective of gender/sexuality/chromosome differences. And it's that way in the same way that the GAP within the Gap is the deepest most concrete silence, but silence irrespective of noise.....
Next I want to talk about the structure itself in some more detail.....
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Post by Portto on Feb 19, 2010 16:39:13 GMT -5
So, you could say, that there is all meanings, an infinite number of meanings to life and growth, but no one as OPPOSED to another.... This is so nice... Thanks, LM! |
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Post by Portto on Feb 19, 2010 16:52:17 GMT -5
I don't really feel like the flip is a construct that is subject to change the way you are talking about. ............... I do not see that there is a way to ever unsee that on the most fundamental level..... I understand that this is your current experience, and it looks like it cannot be unseen. However, you were always awareness itself - and yet you considered yourself to be an individual for a while. IMHO, if you acknowledge that you [infinite awareness] experienced individuality and separateness (or that you are able to experience them) - you must also acknowledge that there is a way to forget what you're seeing now. And that doesn't mean that you're anything less than infinite awareness. |
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Post by drunkenlady on Feb 19, 2010 19:47:19 GMT -5
You are no closer to enlightment/awareness than the drunk in the alley!
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 19, 2010 20:55:59 GMT -5
Hehe, thanks for the poke! I'm definitely no closer to Awareness than the drunk in the alley. What else would all this stuff be. Enlightenment, is simply whether one is recognizing that or not. And, while that doesn't confer any inherent value, it does make things a lot more appreciated and opens one up to have a lot more of everything... You are no closer to enlightment/awareness than the drunk in the alley! |
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Post by lightmystic on Feb 19, 2010 20:58:38 GMT -5
Hey porto, It is very true that I do not definitively know what my future experience will be, and so anything - absolutely anything - is certainly a possibility. The reason, however, that, if anything could be impossible, it would be this, is that it takes actual hard work to fool ourselves into believing that we are separate. Once that's seen through, I don't think I could do anything to believe it if I tried. There is really nothing that could be done.... That said, it appears that nothing is impossible, so I'm sure there's a scenario where it could happen. And the recognition has nothing to do with experience. There could certainly be miserable experiences coming up. That doesn't seem to be the trend, but they are certainly welcome..... I don't really feel like the flip is a construct that is subject to change the way you are talking about. ............... I do not see that there is a way to ever unsee that on the most fundamental level..... I understand that this is your current experience, and it looks like it cannot be unseen. However, you were always awareness itself - and yet you considered yourself to be an individual for a while. IMHO, if you acknowledge that you [infinite awareness] experienced individuality and separateness (or that you are able to experience them) - you must also acknowledge that there is a way to forget what you're seeing now. And that doesn't mean that you're anything less than infinite awareness. |
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Post by Portto on Feb 19, 2010 22:20:45 GMT -5
Thanks for the post above. Experience continued: Post II Nice experience. You sure are very talented at describing it! |
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