Post by courtesyofthesoul on Oct 25, 2015 17:50:05 GMT -5
Hello all!
This is my first time on a forum and I've been considering joining one for a long time.. I'm so glad I finally did. A bit about me..
I grew up devoted to Catholicism. I would go to church every Sunday and say my prayers every night. I always had faith that God would keep my family and loved ones safe, that is until events in my life dramatically changed that. My 20's were a very rough time in my life. It seemed like there was nothing but disappointment, pain, and bad luck for everyone in my family. I prayed and prayed for something good to happen, for a break to the constant suffering in not only my life, but my Family's. No respite ever came and I grew very tired of watching those I loved, Truly good hearted people suffer and struggle.
One by one, every member of my family denounced Religion. Including myself ( I still do not claim any Religion, but more on that later) My Mother was the only one who stayed faithful to Catholicism. My Mother is also the only one with whom I can confide, in any matter. Even in matters that a normal person would never even think about telling their Mother about. Needless to say, we were very close. We had a bond so strong that words cannot define it. Mom was the type of person that would give the shirt off her back to anyone who needed it. She was very kind, caring, selfless and gentle (although, she Would put you in your place without hesitation if need be!
) Mom had her own philosophy on the after life. She always told me "If you have a good heart you will go to heaven" She didn't believe in Hell, or any place where you would "burn of eternity". She trusted her feelings and intuition first, before she would trust what anyone else told her to be true.
My Mom and I were the last members of our family to believe in God, though I was very close to letting go. My Brother and Father had already embraced atheism. The day I completely gave up on God and Religion was the day the Mom came home, sat my brother and I down and told us that she had breast cancer. I remember having no reaction, no emotion. I just blocked what she said out of my mind. I Remember thinking "Breast cancer is cured all the time, she will just need surgery and maybe some chemo". What she told us next pulled me back to reality. She told us that it spread to her bones, and she was "Stage 4". At the time, I had no idea what that meant, I had no Idea that stage 4 meant that there was no cure for her condition. The next day, my Bother and I helped her shave her head. As my Mothers beautiful long black hair fell in clumps to the bathroom floor, I remember looking over to my Brother who was sobbing hysterically. That was it for me. I'll never forget the next words I said. I thought about God and Jesus, I thought about how faithful my Mom had always been, And how she was rewarded. Then I said it.
"Fuck You". Mom and my Brother Knew Who I was speaking to, so they were not confused.
We were all very lucky to have Mayo Clinic near by. She truly did receive the the best treatment there. As time went by, I just kept telling myself that she would be fine. I always asked her how her scans went, and she would tell me that the treatment was working, that the cancer cells were staying put and not metastasizing. (but not receding either) I used this information to convince myself that she would live a long life.. "The cancer isnt spreading any further, and she looks okay" Mom would often try and talk with me about her inevitable passing.. But I would just interject and say "Come on Ma, We don't have to worry about that for another 5-10 years, you're fine!" and id tell her not to be "morbid" . She understood, she would tell me gently "okay honey" with a warm smile.
Mayo Clinic gave Mom 5 good years with us since her diagnosis, And for that we are very grateful. However for my Brother and I, It was 5 years of building up denial. When the time came, it happened quickly. Within a matter of weeks. It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Mom went in for surgery to have a supporting rod installed in her hip, because it was very painful for her to walk and move at this point. I remember standing in the garage and waving goodbye to her, we looked at eachother and smiled as the garage door closed between us. That was the last time Mom would be home.
The surgery actually went very well, it was the dilaudid that they gave her afterward that did the damage. Mom's Liver couldnt handle it. There were already small spots of cancer cells in her liver, which didn't help matters. It was a chain reaction. The Dilaudid made it difficult for her to urinate, so they inserted a catheter. While the catheter was in, she seemed to slowly improve over the course of a week. So much so, that they moved her from hospice care to a rehab unit. When she got to the rehab unit, I was working with Her every day, Moving her legs, exercising her knees so she could be ready for therapy. The first day of her therepy went really well, the therapist said that "she did amazing". we were all very excited. The following day was her birthday, so we brought her an ice cream cake, her favorite, and got to spend a wonderful day with her. For that day, I am eternally grateful.
The next morning, the nurse came to remove her catheter. From that point on, Mom's condition deteriorated daily. It was due to an infection that started when the catheter was removed. Day by day, Mom became more confused. At first I thought she was joking with me, telling me that there was a "man on the ceiling" and " don't you see those people?" On one of her days where she was not so confused, and not unconscious, I sat on the side of her bed, Took both of her hands in mine, and when she opened her eyes, we looked at each other and shared our last smile. That image will never leave me. Within 24 hours, Mom had passed on.
The events of the following Months are what changed my life, changed my reality and made me realize that Unconditional Love is the strongest force in the Universe and all dimensions of it. These changes and realizations are what ultimately brought me here. The smile I shared with My Mom that day would not be the last bonding moment between us, There were many more after that, but without the burden of her broken body. If you are still reading, Thank you. I was just going to type something quick, but I couldn't stop. I guess I really needed to get that out! I will create more posts about my awakened abilities. I have many questions! And I'm looking forward joining this community! -With Love
Nick
This is my first time on a forum and I've been considering joining one for a long time.. I'm so glad I finally did. A bit about me..
I grew up devoted to Catholicism. I would go to church every Sunday and say my prayers every night. I always had faith that God would keep my family and loved ones safe, that is until events in my life dramatically changed that. My 20's were a very rough time in my life. It seemed like there was nothing but disappointment, pain, and bad luck for everyone in my family. I prayed and prayed for something good to happen, for a break to the constant suffering in not only my life, but my Family's. No respite ever came and I grew very tired of watching those I loved, Truly good hearted people suffer and struggle.
One by one, every member of my family denounced Religion. Including myself ( I still do not claim any Religion, but more on that later) My Mother was the only one who stayed faithful to Catholicism. My Mother is also the only one with whom I can confide, in any matter. Even in matters that a normal person would never even think about telling their Mother about. Needless to say, we were very close. We had a bond so strong that words cannot define it. Mom was the type of person that would give the shirt off her back to anyone who needed it. She was very kind, caring, selfless and gentle (although, she Would put you in your place without hesitation if need be!
) Mom had her own philosophy on the after life. She always told me "If you have a good heart you will go to heaven" She didn't believe in Hell, or any place where you would "burn of eternity". She trusted her feelings and intuition first, before she would trust what anyone else told her to be true. My Mom and I were the last members of our family to believe in God, though I was very close to letting go. My Brother and Father had already embraced atheism. The day I completely gave up on God and Religion was the day the Mom came home, sat my brother and I down and told us that she had breast cancer. I remember having no reaction, no emotion. I just blocked what she said out of my mind. I Remember thinking "Breast cancer is cured all the time, she will just need surgery and maybe some chemo". What she told us next pulled me back to reality. She told us that it spread to her bones, and she was "Stage 4". At the time, I had no idea what that meant, I had no Idea that stage 4 meant that there was no cure for her condition. The next day, my Bother and I helped her shave her head. As my Mothers beautiful long black hair fell in clumps to the bathroom floor, I remember looking over to my Brother who was sobbing hysterically. That was it for me. I'll never forget the next words I said. I thought about God and Jesus, I thought about how faithful my Mom had always been, And how she was rewarded. Then I said it.
"Fuck You". Mom and my Brother Knew Who I was speaking to, so they were not confused.
We were all very lucky to have Mayo Clinic near by. She truly did receive the the best treatment there. As time went by, I just kept telling myself that she would be fine. I always asked her how her scans went, and she would tell me that the treatment was working, that the cancer cells were staying put and not metastasizing. (but not receding either) I used this information to convince myself that she would live a long life.. "The cancer isnt spreading any further, and she looks okay" Mom would often try and talk with me about her inevitable passing.. But I would just interject and say "Come on Ma, We don't have to worry about that for another 5-10 years, you're fine!" and id tell her not to be "morbid" . She understood, she would tell me gently "okay honey" with a warm smile.
Mayo Clinic gave Mom 5 good years with us since her diagnosis, And for that we are very grateful. However for my Brother and I, It was 5 years of building up denial. When the time came, it happened quickly. Within a matter of weeks. It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Mom went in for surgery to have a supporting rod installed in her hip, because it was very painful for her to walk and move at this point. I remember standing in the garage and waving goodbye to her, we looked at eachother and smiled as the garage door closed between us. That was the last time Mom would be home.
The surgery actually went very well, it was the dilaudid that they gave her afterward that did the damage. Mom's Liver couldnt handle it. There were already small spots of cancer cells in her liver, which didn't help matters. It was a chain reaction. The Dilaudid made it difficult for her to urinate, so they inserted a catheter. While the catheter was in, she seemed to slowly improve over the course of a week. So much so, that they moved her from hospice care to a rehab unit. When she got to the rehab unit, I was working with Her every day, Moving her legs, exercising her knees so she could be ready for therapy. The first day of her therepy went really well, the therapist said that "she did amazing". we were all very excited. The following day was her birthday, so we brought her an ice cream cake, her favorite, and got to spend a wonderful day with her. For that day, I am eternally grateful.
The next morning, the nurse came to remove her catheter. From that point on, Mom's condition deteriorated daily. It was due to an infection that started when the catheter was removed. Day by day, Mom became more confused. At first I thought she was joking with me, telling me that there was a "man on the ceiling" and " don't you see those people?" On one of her days where she was not so confused, and not unconscious, I sat on the side of her bed, Took both of her hands in mine, and when she opened her eyes, we looked at each other and shared our last smile. That image will never leave me. Within 24 hours, Mom had passed on.
The events of the following Months are what changed my life, changed my reality and made me realize that Unconditional Love is the strongest force in the Universe and all dimensions of it. These changes and realizations are what ultimately brought me here. The smile I shared with My Mom that day would not be the last bonding moment between us, There were many more after that, but without the burden of her broken body. If you are still reading, Thank you. I was just going to type something quick, but I couldn't stop. I guess I really needed to get that out! I will create more posts about my awakened abilities. I have many questions! And I'm looking forward joining this community! -With Love
Nick
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