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Hello
Oct 23, 2009 11:43:44 GMT -5
Post by loverofall on Oct 23, 2009 11:43:44 GMT -5
I have enjoyed reading this board so this is my first joining of any board like this. I am very grateful for the opportunity to share and learn with others.
Small town childhood with sports, camping and extended family all came crashing down with a messy divorce. Joined Miliatry to get away and lost first real love because of it. Finished time in military, went to college, married a nice girl, had two daughters. Converted from Catholicism to Mormonism (I wasn't strict in either of them). Became disillusioned on defending deep doctrines but always enjoyed the committed and connecting part.
Became teacher and life was getting rougher inside even as things got real good on outside. I came across an amazing old man as a counselor with radical (close to enlightenment theories) that got me to go inside and see my patterns that were created to protect my heart. Stumbled across Power of Now and then got hooked on enlightement since it explained everything that I had always struggled with religion and aligned right with my counselor's theories.
For the past year and a half I have read all the major books and scanned websites. I have undone much of my ego and I am at a point where I catch myself in my thoughts more and more. Due to my counseling and my Christian backgound, I enjoy the Course in Miracle author's and the focus on relationships to overcome the ego.
So here I am, ready to drop more illusions and benefit from the wisdom that is here.
Love
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Hello
Oct 23, 2009 14:46:57 GMT -5
Post by lightmystic on Oct 23, 2009 14:46:57 GMT -5
Welcome to our forum loverofall. Whenever you want to have your experience poked please let me know. Whenever you want to poke someone else's experience, please do. Look forward to talking with you.
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Hello
Oct 23, 2009 17:50:07 GMT -5
Post by loverofall on Oct 23, 2009 17:50:07 GMT -5
Poke away all you want. There is no one here to defend.
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Hello
Oct 25, 2009 0:48:26 GMT -5
Post by Peter on Oct 25, 2009 0:48:26 GMT -5
Poke away all you want. There is no one here to defend. Then who is going to reply? Welcome to the board, Lover. Pleased to see that you're 42. It's a good number.
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Hello
Oct 25, 2009 12:30:25 GMT -5
Post by loverofall on Oct 25, 2009 12:30:25 GMT -5
HAHA who is replying. That is a good question. Its a different experience to interact with you all. Most of my experience has been through books, mp3's and vids on the net. There is a whole different flavor to two way communication on these topics.
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Hello
Oct 26, 2009 10:06:36 GMT -5
Post by lightmystic on Oct 26, 2009 10:06:36 GMT -5
Well, it's a good thing there is no one there to defend, because the poking is not actually an attack, but rather a persistance questioning of direct experience. So, that said, what is your experience. Would you do me the honor of sharing? Poke away all you want. There is no one here to defend.
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Hello
Oct 26, 2009 14:34:35 GMT -5
Post by loverofall on Oct 26, 2009 14:34:35 GMT -5
Good point. I guess I saw an attack in the word poke or I wouldn't have brought up the word defend. This interacting is definitely a whole new level then just reading this stuff. I am more focused now that ever by posting on this board. The advice to stop fascinating or reflecting was so true. I never realized I do that all the time. that.
My experience really begins with me suffering and finally getting some counseling. I just happened to get a very good retired man that had over 30 years of experience and was totally nonconventional. He went off his own experience and almost had contempt for traditional counseling. I was hooked by his simplicity and straight forwardness. He basically over time said people control their experiences by thoughts and distracting behaviors to protect their heart. I'll never forget him telling me I couldn't feel love or happiness because I had shut those experienced emotions down in favor of emotions I could control (even if they cause suffering) due to my childhood. Basically he got me to see I create my suffering and to let go and also to close distance in key relationships (another way to protect the heart). Its really amazing how our minds keep people at a distance. I could write pages on what I have experienced and watched in others as I have learned this new way of thinking and living.
He thought eastern religions were about indifference but there were some major overlaps to his observed theories. He would always say we are all connected, everything affects everything and all emotional limitation is about being separate and controlling out of fear of deep pain.
I wanted more than he was offering and came across "The Power of Now". It was so similar to what I was learning and doing it was great. I now had something I could share with family and friends other than some old guys has these theories. I was losing weight big time, getting in great shape and my family relationships were getting better (Though I was still suffering but at least I had a plan). Now that I realized I had found truth, I went crazy reading anything about enlightenment. I had some relationships weaken while others become incredibly strong. All depending on their level of emotional health. The changes that happened are miracles at times and then at other times just seem what should of been. I freak my inlaws out and I have to admit I enjoy that, Haha. Then again, I am among some very limited people and that is disturbing at times to see how it has limited me but I've got to love it all.
In the beginning I was intimidated or scared about us all being one. I was just looking for relief from suffering and more ideas to be emotionally free and some info to share with friends and family on what I was learning.. I had no idea this was where it all was heading. I am rereading "Emptiness Dancing" by Adyshanti and the first time I read that a year ago, it freaked me some because I my old beliefs were in the way. I really should keep a log of changes because as I looked back while writing this, I realized I am not the same person at all that started this over two years ago whatever a person is.
You might want to be more specific in the questioning because I can ramble. This stuff gets me all excited because I have searched for truth most of my life and could never explain how all these religious people hate so much. The ego explained all the insanity that drove me crazy and of course my own too. LOL.
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Hello
Oct 27, 2009 1:16:06 GMT -5
Post by lightmystic on Oct 27, 2009 1:16:06 GMT -5
Hey loverofall, Yes, the poking is not meant to be painful or confrontational unless that is right for the situation (which it usually isn't). The process definitely excites me as well. So what is your experience now? Where has all of this left you? How about this moment? What is your relationship to life? Good point. I guess I saw an attack in the word poke or I wouldn't have brought up the word defend. This interacting is definitely a whole new level then just reading this stuff. I am more focused now that ever by posting on this board. The advice to stop fascinating or reflecting was so true. I never realized I do that all the time. that. My experience really begins with me suffering and finally getting some counseling. I just happened to get a very good retired man that had over 30 years of experience and was totally nonconventional. He went off his own experience and almost had contempt for traditional counseling. I was hooked by his simplicity and straight forwardness. He basically over time said people control their experiences by thoughts and distracting behaviors to protect their heart. I'll never forget him telling me I couldn't feel love or happiness because I had shut those experienced emotions down in favor of emotions I could control (even if they cause suffering) due to my childhood. Basically he got me to see I create my suffering and to let go and also to close distance in key relationships (another way to protect the heart). Its really amazing how our minds keep people at a distance. I could write pages on what I have experienced and watched in others as I have learned this new way of thinking and living. He thought eastern religions were about indifference but there were some major overlaps to his observed theories. He would always say we are all connected, everything affects everything and all emotional limitation is about being separate and controlling out of fear of deep pain. I wanted more than he was offering and came across "The Power of Now". It was so similar to what I was learning and doing it was great. I now had something I could share with family and friends other than some old guys has these theories. I was losing weight big time, getting in great shape and my family relationships were getting better (Though I was still suffering but at least I had a plan). Now that I realized I had found truth, I went crazy reading anything about enlightenment. I had some relationships weaken while others become incredibly strong. All depending on their level of emotional health. The changes that happened are miracles at times and then at other times just seem what should of been. I freak my inlaws out and I have to admit I enjoy that, Haha. Then again, I am among some very limited people and that is disturbing at times to see how it has limited me but I've got to love it all. In the beginning I was intimidated or scared about us all being one. I was just looking for relief from suffering and more ideas to be emotionally free and some info to share with friends and family on what I was learning.. I had no idea this was where it all was heading. I am rereading "Emptiness Dancing" by Adyshanti and the first time I read that a year ago, it freaked me some because I my old beliefs were in the way. I really should keep a log of changes because as I looked back while writing this, I realized I am not the same person at all that started this over two years ago whatever a person is. You might want to be more specific in the questioning because I can ramble. This stuff gets me all excited because I have searched for truth most of my life and could never explain how all these religious people hate so much. The ego explained all the insanity that drove me crazy and of course my own too. LOL.
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Hello
Oct 27, 2009 6:51:08 GMT -5
Post by loverofall on Oct 27, 2009 6:51:08 GMT -5
I am at a point where I constantly observing my thoughts and feelings and sometimes feel overwhelmed at the task while at other times I feel incredibly free.
Since it is morning I have resistance because it seems my mind attacks in my sleep. I wake up with fearful thoughts and then just let them go.
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Hello
Oct 31, 2009 0:54:54 GMT -5
Post by astenny on Oct 31, 2009 0:54:54 GMT -5
Welcome, and I hope you continue to enjoy your experience here.
Rambling is a good thing, and something people tell me I do all the time. People at work often get a little tired of it, especially since I almost never answer a yes or no question with yes or no. Something I often think, and only sometimes say, is that people have only to ask the right question.
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Hello
Nov 2, 2009 11:05:41 GMT -5
Post by lightmystic on Nov 2, 2009 11:05:41 GMT -5
Sounds like the process of letting thoughts go. Unless there is something you actively feel is in the way, or unless the practice isn't making you noticeably freer over time, it sounds like you just need to keep doing exactly what you're doing. I would definitely enjoy hearing how things progress. I am at a point where I constantly observing my thoughts and feelings and sometimes feel overwhelmed at the task while at other times I feel incredibly free. Since it is morning I have resistance because it seems my mind attacks in my sleep. I wake up with fearful thoughts and then just let them go.
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