On a couple other places in the forum, I have posted my lead up to the disappearance of an individual self. So that is where I'd like to start. It can sound like a progression over time, but it really isn't in the sense that each new experience contains the experience before, and each new perspective is just greater clarity and detail on the same entire thing. Each knowledge is whole, and I have found that to be true for me ever since that poof into Nothingness. And that is why each new understand does not negate the previous. Even if it somehow seems to. That is an important point for me.
1. Black. Nothingness. Not nothing, not something, not neither, nor both, nor a mixture. Not empty, not full, not good or bad. Comfortable. The great beyond and it's right here. Right everywhere. It is, it's fresh, current, immediate. There is no relativity, there is just Oneness, and not even anything to have oneness with. No one, no thing no space. No time either. Relaxation...
In the corner of Awareness there is the play of Creation. Moving pictures? In MY Flowing Stillness?
How is it possible? It's not, and yet there it is.... so far removed, like the aftershock of a camera flash when it has blinded you. It's there, and can be seen, but it's very incorporeal. It's not reality. THIS, that surrounds it, that is not static, it but is unchanging, that flows and moves of it's own accord is reality. There is no other. The relative, though impossible, exists anyway within it. It surrounds us all like a safety womb....but the feeling is of sinking....always sinking....sinking in deeper and deeper....and the sinking into relaxation is a process...like sinking into warm bathwater - that moment forever....
There is only one Absolute,and that is all, moving, unmoving, good, bad, all qualities. Suffering is extinguished like a candle.
2. Eventually, as the eyes adjust to the light, there is an individual. A cosmic individual. That individual is all of Creation condensed into the density of that Absoluteness. The Absoluteness is all there is, but the Absoluteness re-enters as individual Creation Absolutness Allness One-Thing. The Absolute Relates directly to the Absolute. Now there are two Absolutes. Each completely Infinite, completely the whole thing. And they relate to each other. A cosmic interplay between on one and no one. And it's enjoyed immensely. That's what Creation is.
3. Then Process Appears. Process is all that any of these perceptions are. Each is a process, each is it's own. There are 3 Infinities - Infinite-ness, Infinite Subject, and Infinite Processes, each completely the whole thing, each containing the other. Each complete unto itself. There cannot be more even though there seems to be greater clarity which gives rise to more. Each solid thing is not solid. It's also a process of Awareness, in addition to it being solidified Awareness itself. Even solidified Awareness itself is a process. And all of Creation can be seen in terms of the processes, and the little beings that fulfill those processes seen everywhere. Clear as day, but not physical....They have a job to do and relationship with the Universe, with Creation, and Creation is all there is - in 3 distinct, all encompassing, simultaneous infinities, each encompassing the other. It blows the mind wide open....Each is the whole thing, and there is no other. The eternal nature of each object of Creation is known and experienced directly. The transitory IS eternal.
4. Then, everything appears to collapse to a point. There IS no difference between a cosmic person and an individual person. Personal nature and cosmic nature are the same. Before, the personal nature was that same Absolute as the Cosmic Nature, as that is all there was, but for the actual individuality mechanism itself to be recognized clearly as the entire Creation that encompasses all Creates something new entirely. It's like this cycle of Awareness entering the individual to find the entire universe to zero in on the individual through them to the entire universe to the individual, etc. It's like a room containing a snowglobe, and inside that snowglobe is the same room containing the same snow globe. And inside of that snowglobe is again the same room etc. It's that with the individual and all of Creation, all of the Absolute.
It's here, were the individual IS the same as the cosmic that the ability to conceptualize it really breaks down for me. It's not being suggested that the two are not the same substance (although that is, of course, also true), but are actually, literally, the SAME EXACT THING.
5. From here, the Impersonalness of the Infinite Absolute is recognized to be completely personal as well. This provides an intimacy with everything as that impersonalness, because the Impersonalness itself has become Personal without changing it's Impersonal Nature. It starts to be recognized that the Absolute and Relative are Interchangeable...Not only are they both the same substance that is everything, but they start to merge in a new, very concrete physical sort of way. A magic to life emerges that cannot be described and dwarfs any prior conenctedness, appreciation, or experience in size amount, and duration....
6. Then it channels into a multiplicity of Connectedness. Each point of Creation is brightly personal impersonalness. One is personally the flow of each point of Life itself, and each point of life itself is recognized as the whole thing directly. Just walking around. There is nothing else except this one point of Creation. And that is true for all points simultaneously. Multiplicity of Oneness of Nothingness of Integration reigns.
7. From there, it all starts to Coalesce. Each individuality in the multiplicity, despite being the whole thing is actually just one thing. There is only one point of "other" and that's the same point. And then the whole Creation unfolds and explodes into that other. Now the other is more truth than the truth is. Separation itself is so intimate that it is not really separating on a practical level. It leaves no room for missing anything. The Subject and Object are merged completely at all points with the Process itself into an Infinitely Infinite collection of Infinite singularities, collapsing down into one black hole of light singularity.
8. From there, an infinite space that, of course, encompasses all experiences 1-8 and a stillness, like glass, more real than the crystalline structure of that infiniteness previously experienced. It's more solid than solid. More real than real. More physical than physical. Simultaneously, the most awesomely intense elemental stages and levels integrate with that silence. The most explosively elemental, violently turbulent, Crystal smooth silent dynamic explosion of a million galactic colors structure that remains beyond description even with these right brained poetic word forms. And Somehow this deep Nothingness encapsulates all of this. Tends to all of all of this, Tends AS all of this.
9. The Nothingness containing all that grows, expands, moves. IT is the Impersonal Being that is no more separate than one's own breath. The impersonal Being is neither relative nor Absolute. It contains all, contains both, at every point at the same time. A paradox incarnate. The perceiver itself in it's infinite nature is just as much outside as in. It explodes in bright colors. It is safety incarnate in the deep dark pillowyness of the most changeless Absolute reality. And it is neither one nor the other. It cannot be said because it's not there. And that is how it can be known directly.
10. That infinitely inconceivable being, that is clearly, distinctly, and directly known on the most intimate of intimate levels. The all encompassing perceiver made object is all there is. It's the only one, the only thing, so rich and magical and alive. And then it concretizes itself (although already itself more physical than physical, more real than real) into a 100,000 trillion little points, hiding as every particle, of every inch of Creation. All possible Creations contained within the Absolute knowingess of each little particulate intimately known and related to impersonal being. And that being is just as much a process as everything else. So it's a beingness. But a cosmically Personalized infinite subject process object individualized Intimate one.
11. Then ignorance itself comes to the forefront. The heavy, slow, sleepy, deluded quality of all of life. Ignorance is the ebullient gem that reflects this whole play in it's multiplicity of forms. It's what lets a little person know they are infinite and not alone. All of these beings and dancing is there within it. There is no non-ignorance or ignorance. There is no longer a need to go towards one thing and away from another on even the subtlest values of life. Suddenly there is the ignorance itself recognizing itself to be it more directly even than something less dense. More dense than the elemental. It holds the finest structures of Creation together. And all knowledge pervades the ignorance, and the ignorance starts to vibrate like silence. It tends to vibrate the infinity of ignorant forms. The vibrational silence becomes deafening, taking on a quality that can be felt by all the senses and simultaneously known directly.
The very thing in the way of growth itself IS growth itself incarnate.
12. The infinity of thought forms comes to the forefront. Each thought reaching out into forever. Each containing all aspects simultaneously of points 1-13. Total stillness and total generation of life happening AS the same thing that is neither still nor moving.
13. Cosmic Will and Individual Will merge on the most complete, direct of ways. There is no longer the ability to make a distinction. A prior levels, there was that relationship between the two, culminating in the individual relaxing and being taken care of by itself, which is all Creation. Then they become the exact same thing, so the passionate individual will becomes the exact same as Divine Cosmic will and no distinction at all can be found.
Questions and comments are welcome, as always.
How is it possible? It's not, and yet there it is.... so far removed, like the aftershock of a camera flash when it has blinded you. It's there, and can be seen, but it's very incorporeal. It's not reality. THIS, that surrounds it, that is not static, it but is unchanging, that flows and moves of it's own accord is reality. There is no other. The relative, though impossible, exists anyway within it. It surrounds us all like a safety womb....but the feeling is of sinking....always sinking....sinking in deeper and deeper....and the sinking into relaxation is a process...like sinking into warm bathwater - that moment forever....
