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Post by stardustpilgrim on Jun 7, 2013 20:03:21 GMT -5
Ego is a normal part of the process of human life. We must acquire a cultural self in order to function in life. We are born as essence, which is weak and fragile and silent. Part of the purpose of the formation of personality is actually to protect our essence, but eventually we forget who we are and take ourselves to be the mask (persona). Identity, what we say "I" to, shifts from true self to false self. ........Some of us never feel comfortable in the world, although we have shifted our sense of "I", in a natural process, we still somehow sense something has been lost, this is enough to initiate a spiritual search.
At a certain stage of the journey, recognized early by some, not so early by others, persona/mask becomes a liability, staying stuck in personality effectively stalls the journey. Whereas our essence can grow and develop, its very purpose, personality cannot evolve spiritually. Personality only has a certain capacity, can only deal with certain levels of energy. Some of you are old enough to have seen and old fuse box, going back to probably the '40's. The fuse box has been replaced by an electrical panel with breakers. A breaker is designed to trip when any one circuit tries to pull more power than the wire is designed to carry (I have seen a situation where there was a short and the breaker failed to trip. The copper wire melted like butter, had to be replaced). With the old round fuses, when a circuit exceeded the power of the fuse, you blew a fuse, you had to trash it and replace it with a new fuse (designed thus so to prevent the situation described above).
Personality can handle only just so much energy. Under most ordinary life situations, personality is not connected with more power than it is 'designed' to handle. However, with intense spiritual practice one has the possibility to save energy, and even create new and finer levels of energy. This next higher level of energy is known by various names, chi, prana among them. If one continues the spiritual journey, at some point one's personality has to become passive (you cease to say "I" to personality), and eventually one has to die to personality. For essence to grow you have cease giving personality the energy that keeps it alive, and give the energy to essence. Secondarily, but most important, ego can't handle the higher levels of energy that spiritual practice brings. When ego encounters these higher energies, it "blows a fuse" like a 15 amp fuse receiving 20 amps of power through it.
We all have certain issues, if you've ever been married you know that your spouse isn't perfect, has some little annoying quirks, or have had yours pointed out. Now, when these higher energies enter the body through intense interior spiritual practice, any little quirk from personality is magnified, sometimes a hundredfold. There have been several books written on Spiritual Emergency which discuss these issues. It's something anyone should know about and keep in the back of their mind. I've been there, 22 years ago.
To whom it may concern ....... '-) ..............
sdp
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Post by Beingist on Jun 7, 2013 20:38:33 GMT -5
Indeed, my fuse blew, April 24, 1994.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 21:12:36 GMT -5
Ego is a normal part of the process of human life. We must acquire a cultural self in order to function in life. We are born as essence, which is weak and fragile and silent. Part of the purpose of the formation of personality is actually to protect our essence, but eventually we forget who we are and take ourselves to be the mask (persona). Identity, what we say "I" to, shifts from true self to false self. ........Some of us never feel comfortable in the world, although we have shifted our sense of "I", in a natural process, we still somehow sense something has been lost, this is enough to initiate a spiritual search. At a certain stage of the journey, recognized early by some, not so early by others, persona/mask becomes a liability, staying stuck in personality effectively stalls the journey. Whereas our essence can grow and develop, its very purpose, personality cannot evolve spiritually. Personality only has a certain capacity, can only deal with certain levels of energy. Some of you are old enough to have seen and old fuse box, going back to probably the '40's. The fuse box has been replaced by an electrical panel with breakers. A breaker is designed to trip when any one circuit tries to pull more power than the wire is designed to carry (I have seen a situation where there was a short and the breaker failed to trip. The copper wire melted like butter, had to be replaced). With the old round fuses, when a circuit exceeded the power of the fuse, you blew a fuse, you had to trash it and replace it with a new fuse (designed thus so to prevent the situation described above). Personality can handle only just so much energy. Under most ordinary life situations, personality is not connected with more power than it is 'designed' to handle. However, with intense spiritual practice one has the possibility to save energy, and even create new and finer levels of energy. This next higher level of energy is known by various names, chi, prana among them. If one continues the spiritual journey, at some point one's personality has to become passive (you cease to say "I" to personality), and eventually one has to die to personality. For essence to grow you have cease giving personality the energy that keeps it alive, and give the energy to essence. Secondarily, but most important, ego can't handle the higher levels of energy that spiritual practice brings. When ego encounters these higher energies, it "blows a fuse" like a 15 amp fuse receiving 20 amps of power through it. We all have certain issues, if you've ever been married you know that your spouse isn't perfect, has some little annoying quirks, or have had yours pointed out. Now, when these higher energies enter the body through intense interior spiritual practice, any little quirk from personality is magnified, sometimes a hundredfold. There have been several books written on Spiritual Emergency which discuss these issues. It's something anyone should know about and keep in the back of their mind. I've been there, 22 years ago. To whom it may concern ....... '-) .............. sdp What if the truth was that you, the essence that you are, wanted it that way? Then the question becomes, how much compassion are you willing to give to your Self, for wanting things to be other than you actually want them to be?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2013 17:19:12 GMT -5
With a different set of words I can Rez with the meaning of what you are saying here SDP.
For me , what intense spiritual practice did was to open and expand my awareness of the nature of things with increasing sensitivity, depth, and clarity.
And the force of it drove me insane.
What seems to have happened was that the deeper and more intense my practice became, the more that my awareness expanded....this reality has patterns and rules of nature, a kind of structure if you will, the more you expand and sensitize your awareness, the bigger and more clearer you can see the nature of this reality's structure....
This reality may all be an illusion, but the illusion has a pattern of unfolding....what happens is that when you start expanding your awareness, you not only "see" the bigger picture and the subtleties, you see them in an increasingly stark clarity....this clarity has a force to it, I guess that's what you are calling spiritual energy.
The mind becomes transfixed/empowered by this clarity, and also unmoored from its foundation....I believe this happens because you are seeing your mind from awareness, and realizing that it has no substance or connection, but at the same time the mind is being fed an expanded view of observable reality....so it is both freed from all accountability, and strengthened by an increased clarity and an expanded view.
As a side note, that's we're TZU is right now, and I can tell you, that regarding the nature of this reality and Awareness etc, i.e. TRUTH....Tzu can be a really good resource for anyone if you are exploring the nature of the truth of this reality....he will be nearly 100% clear and accurate about it....the reason I know he will be accurate, is that he "sees" exactly what I "saw", and every other great sage throughout history that embarked on the earnest search for expanded clarity and truth and awareness through an intense and committed turning inward that eventually results in an abiding and observing from stillness....at least part of the time.
But here's the thing.....an expanded awareness can show you the truth of the nature of one's self and this reality, but this doesn't really accomplish much in the end except the end of doubt that is replaced by clarity.....in the end, what's really left is a mind that has no constraints of accountability and that is hyper empowered with genuine clarity and an accurate view of thisness.
Basically, you get exactly what you sought when pursuing intense spiritual practice, increased clarity and awareness of truth.....but the mind (what you call ego SDP) is still doing its thing....only now it has truth, and the power of absolute clarity, without any fetters.
At some point, after leaving here, I realized that other than the power, certainty, and clarity that I achieved through the expanded view of reality that one gains from looking at it from still silent awareness, that it all meant nothing....that all I really did was expand myself and find truth.....and so what, what had I really gained?
I realized that all the truth and clarity I had gained, even though it was accurate in relation to the form of this shared illusion, was still just an expansion and clarification of this dream's reality....even entering stillness did not improve or change anything, it just broadened the view and removed enough illusion within the illusion that I was satisfied in my search for truth, having already found it.
Later, once things settled, meaning that the force of clarity (what you call spiritual power) got adjusted to, and after the turmoil of a suddenly freed mind imbued with the force of clarity subsided, things got easier, and I began to see the pointlessness of it all.
That this mind/life arises, and will subside in its due course, in the mean time, all this knowledge and clarity of the nature of this dream is of no real benefit.
Just being is enough, and experiencing some small measure of joy in being.
From there, I let go of the grip on clarity, though a certain clarity still remains, it's not grasped or used as a tool that cuts me and everyone else with its white hot razors edge.
As to all that truth...well, I don't know anything as true or false anymore, at least what I am consciously aware of anyway....moreover, I realize that all truths, no matter what they are, whether it seems to be the result of the minds understanding, or a "seeing" from stillness, are all just relativities created in this dream.
If its ALL just relativities that we create, why not create and make use of ones that bring an ease, and comfort, and joy to this dream existence....a man is going to die no matter what, does it have to be in a war zone with his body broken and bleeding, or can it be in a warm cozy bed surrounded by loved ones passing in peace...or any other way that you want to spend your last days.
So I have found comfort in accepting that all truths, all falsities,are relative, even if they are "seen" from stillness/awareness, or if they are "universally" relative to this shared illusion.....as such, I'm comfortable not knowing anything, and accepting that I CANNOT know anything, not really.
I choose to allow certain beliefs to find soil though, beliefs that make this life less of a struggle, and more of a joy.
Currently, the belief that has found relativity in me is that nothing exists except God, this is my most common experience right now.
The result of that belief/experience, is that much of the time my mind is experiencing a kind of profound humility and wonder that leaves it internally speechless and still, with no effort or "practice" of stillness at all....and my body is filled with a palpable gratitude and bliss...a real physical sensation of gratitude so profound that its a real bliss.
"I don't know, and don't need to know" seems to be working out just fine :-)
There's still something there of the old mind patterns, what you would call ego SDP, as evidenced by me sharing the nature of universal awareness with Max....but then I realized that I actually don't know...thank you Max ;-)
I also got briefly caught in the Blue/Enigma crap/trap of provocation when they are confronted with deep questions about their belief system....but I was blessed relatively quickly with an acceptance of not knowing again....so things seem to be settling as far as mind/ego.
I'm in no hurry though, things will run their course and settle out all on their own...soon enough, in the natural course of things, I'll be no more, ....or maybe not
I don't know :-)
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Post by silence on Jun 8, 2013 19:55:12 GMT -5
Indeed, my fuse blew, April 24, 1994. Was it like this?
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Post by Beingist on Jun 8, 2013 20:01:13 GMT -5
Indeed, my fuse blew, April 24, 1994. Was it like this? No.
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jazz
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Post by jazz on Jun 9, 2013 12:27:53 GMT -5
What happened, Beingist?
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Post by Beingist on Jun 9, 2013 12:51:28 GMT -5
In short, I realized Who I am, which in effect, blew the fuse of who I thought I was. I realized that Truth is all there is, which blew the fuse which was the belief that certain things were Truth and other things were lies.
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jazz
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Post by jazz on Jun 9, 2013 13:00:42 GMT -5
In short, I realized Who I am, which in effect, blew the fuse of who I thought I was. I realized that Truth is all there is, which blew the fuse which was the belief that certain things were Truth and other things were lies. Do you realize who you are or do you realize who you are not ? If there's a realizing who you are not, must there be a realization who you are? These are question that are running in my mind lately.
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Post by Beingist on Jun 9, 2013 13:24:34 GMT -5
In short, I realized Who I am, which in effect, blew the fuse of who I thought I was. I realized that Truth is all there is, which blew the fuse which was the belief that certain things were Truth and other things were lies. Do you realize who you are or do you realize who you are not ? If there's a realizing who you are not, must there be a realization who you are? These are question that are running in my mind lately. Well, they're good questions, anyway. At the time, the realization was that I am, to put it simply. From that backdrop, it's easy to see what one is not, which is basically what one only thinks they are.
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Post by tzujanli on Jun 9, 2013 13:52:36 GMT -5
With a different set of words I can Rez with the meaning of what you are saying here SDP. For me , what intense spiritual practice did was to open and expand my awareness of the nature of things with increasing sensitivity, depth, and clarity. And the force of it drove me insane. What seems to have happened was that the deeper and more intense my practice became, the more that my awareness expanded....this reality has patterns and rules of nature, a kind of structure if you will, the more you expand and sensitize your awareness, the bigger and more clearer you can see the nature of this reality's structure.... This reality may all be an illusion, but the illusion has a pattern of unfolding....what happens is that when you start expanding your awareness, you not only "see" the bigger picture and the subtleties, you see them in an increasingly stark clarity....this clarity has a force to it, I guess that's what you are calling spiritual energy. The mind becomes transfixed/empowered by this clarity, and also unmoored from its foundation....I believe this happens because you are seeing your mind from awareness, and realizing that it has no substance or connection, but at the same time the mind is being fed an expanded view of observable reality....so it is both freed from all accountability, and strengthened by an increased clarity and an expanded view. As a side note, that's we're TZU is right now, and I can tell you, that regarding the nature of this reality and Awareness etc, i.e. TRUTH....Tzu can be a really good resource for anyone if you are exploring the nature of the truth of this reality....he will be nearly 100% clear and accurate about it....the reason I know he will be accurate, is that he "sees" exactly what I "saw", and every other great sage throughout history that embarked on the earnest search for expanded clarity and truth and awareness through an intense and committed turning inward that eventually results in an abiding and observing from stillness....at least part of the time. But here's the thing.....an expanded awareness can show you the truth of the nature of one's self and this reality, but this doesn't really accomplish much in the end except the end of doubt that is replaced by clarity.....in the end, what's really left is a mind that has no constraints of accountability and that is hyper empowered with genuine clarity and an accurate view of thisness. Basically, you get exactly what you sought when pursuing intense spiritual practice, increased clarity and awareness of truth.....but the mind (what you call ego SDP) is still doing its thing....only now it has truth, and the power of absolute clarity, without any fetters. At some point, after leaving here, I realized that other than the power, certainty, and clarity that I achieved through the expanded view of reality that one gains from looking at it from still silent awareness, that it all meant nothing....that all I really did was expand myself and find truth..... and so what, what had I really gained?I realized that all the truth and clarity I had gained, even though it was accurate in relation to the form of this shared illusion, was still just an expansion and clarification of this dream's reality....even entering stillness did not improve or change anything, it just broadened the view and removed enough illusion within the illusion that I was satisfied in my search for truth, having already found it. Later, once things settled, meaning that the force of clarity (what you call spiritual power) got adjusted to, and after the turmoil of a suddenly freed mind imbued with the force of clarity subsided, things got easier, and I began to see the pointlessness of it all. That this mind/life arises, and will subside in its due course, in the mean time, all this knowledge and clarity of the nature of this dream is of no real benefit. Just being is enough, and experiencing some small measure of joy in being. From there, I let go of the grip on clarity, though a certain clarity still remains, it's not grasped or used as a tool that cuts me and everyone else with its white hot razors edge. As to all that truth...well, I don't know anything as true or false anymore, at least what I am consciously aware of anyway....moreover, I realize that all truths, no matter what they are, whether it seems to be the result of the minds understanding, or a "seeing" from stillness, are all just relativities created in this dream. If its ALL just relativities that we create, why not create and make use of ones that bring an ease, and comfort, and joy to this dream existence....a man is going to die no matter what, does it have to be in a war zone with his body broken and bleeding, or can it be in a warm cozy bed surrounded by loved ones passing in peace...or any other way that you want to spend your last days. So I have found comfort in accepting that all truths, all falsities,are relative, even if they are "seen" from stillness/awareness, or if they are "universally" relative to this shared illusion.....as such, I'm comfortable not knowing anything, and accepting that I CANNOT know anything, not really. I choose to allow certain beliefs to find soil though, beliefs that make this life less of a struggle, and more of a joy. Currently, the belief that has found relativity in me is that nothing exists except God, this is my most common experience right now. The result of that belief/experience, is that much of the time my mind is experiencing a kind of profound humility and wonder that leaves it internally speechless and still, with no effort or "practice" of stillness at all....and my body is filled with a palpable gratitude and bliss...a real physical sensation of gratitude so profound that its a real bliss. "I don't know, and don't need to know" seems to be working out just fine :-) There's still something there of the old mind patterns, what you would call ego SDP, as evidenced by me sharing the nature of universal awareness with Max....but then I realized that I actually don't know...thank you Max ;-) I also got briefly caught in the Blue/Enigma crap/trap of provocation when they are confronted with deep questions about their belief system....but I was blessed relatively quickly with an acceptance of not knowing again....so things seem to be settling as far as mind/ego. I'm in no hurry though, things will run their course and settle out all on their own...soon enough, in the natural course of things, I'll be no more, ....or maybe not I don't know :-) First, journey well into where you are going.. i understand that there are no destinations, only new points of departure.. Second, what did to expect you gain? your post has a sense of seeking 'something', but that's just a feeling i get from the words.. there was a time when i was seeking 'something': peace, happiness, love, truth, you know, the 'goodies', lol.. then, there was this moment of understanding, that 'this is it', just living well, in harmony 'with' my brothers and sisters and our environment.. and, where it is experienced that there are those that create dissonance and disharmony, there is the opportunity for discussion and exploration of what is actually happening, and.. sharing the awareness of clarity as a way to journey this physical experience on a path of least resistance.. essentially, an end to 'seeking something', and a beginning to living the only moment you actually exist, with unconditional sincerity.. Be well..
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2013 14:00:18 GMT -5
In short, I realized Who I am, which in effect, blew the fuse of who I thought I was. I realized that Truth is all there is, which blew the fuse which was the belief that certain things were Truth and other things were lies. Do you realize who you are or do you realize who you are not ? If there's a realizing who you are not, must there be a realization who you are? These are question that are running in my mind lately. It's okay to not know, and just accept that the rest are just ideas
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jazz
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Post by jazz on Jun 9, 2013 16:16:55 GMT -5
John wheeler is saying "find out what you are first" while Adyashanti is going "You're unknowable". And you guys are saying pretty much the same. So I presume that there's something unknowable to know by shredding presumed knowledge and understanding. It's the whole opposite direction thingy. For some time, this didn't come through for me. Now, it feels like a "giving up" of some sort is happening. In a way, giving up to some higer power (which, for me, is a concept learned from AA, and applied) which is not presumed to be other than me (anymore) but percieved from somewhere "beyond". In some ways, it feels like a guide that's been there all along but buried under a lot of rubble. The amount of rubble is pretty astonishing and it keeps surprising me. And there's ego, which doesn't like surprises. Heheh. Thanks
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2013 21:35:09 GMT -5
Do you realize who you are or do you realize who you are not ? If there's a realizing who you are not, must there be a realization who you are? These are question that are running in my mind lately. It's okay to not know, and just accept that the rest are just ideas Yeah, it's also okay to 'know' that you are 'here' and that's not an idea. Welcome back...
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Post by stardustpilgrim on Jun 10, 2013 21:38:56 GMT -5
With a different set of words I can Rez with the meaning of what you are saying here SDP. For me , what intense spiritual practice did was to open and expand my awareness of the nature of things with increasing sensitivity, depth, and clarity. And the force of it drove me insane. What seems to have happened was that the deeper and more intense my practice became, the more that my awareness expanded....this reality has patterns and rules of nature, a kind of structure if you will, the more you expand and sensitize your awareness, the bigger and more clearer you can see the nature of this reality's structure.... This reality may all be an illusion, but the illusion has a pattern of unfolding....what happens is that when you start expanding your awareness, you not only "see" the bigger picture and the subtleties, you see them in an increasingly stark clarity....this clarity has a force to it, I guess that's what you are calling spiritual energy. The mind becomes transfixed/empowered by this clarity, and also unmoored from its foundation....I believe this happens because you are seeing your mind from awareness, and realizing that it has no substance or connection, but at the same time the mind is being fed an expanded view of observable reality....so it is both freed from all accountability, and strengthened by an increased clarity and an expanded view. As a side note, that's we're TZU is right now, and I can tell you, that regarding the nature of this reality and Awareness etc, i.e. TRUTH....Tzu can be a really good resource for anyone if you are exploring the nature of the truth of this reality....he will be nearly 100% clear and accurate about it....the reason I know he will be accurate, is that he "sees" exactly what I "saw", and every other great sage throughout history that embarked on the earnest search for expanded clarity and truth and awareness through an intense and committed turning inward that eventually results in an abiding and observing from stillness....at least part of the time. But here's the thing.....an expanded awareness can show you the truth of the nature of one's self and this reality, but this doesn't really accomplish much in the end except the end of doubt that is replaced by clarity.....in the end, what's really left is a mind that has no constraints of accountability and that is hyper empowered with genuine clarity and an accurate view of thisness. Basically, you get exactly what you sought when pursuing intense spiritual practice, increased clarity and awareness of truth.....but the mind (what you call ego SDP) is still doing its thing....only now it has truth, and the power of absolute clarity, without any fetters. Up to the point I think we are in perfect agreement (except I can't verify what you say concerning Tzu.......)....... and except for your definition of my terms......At some point, after leaving here, I realized that other than the power, certainty, and clarity that I achieved through the expanded view of reality that one gains from looking at it from still silent awareness, that it all meant nothing....that all I really did was expand myself and find truth.....and so what, what had I really gained? I realized that all the truth and clarity I had gained, even though it was accurate in relation to the form of this shared illusion, was still just an expansion and clarification of this dream's reality....even entering stillness did not improve or change anything, it just broadened the view and removed enough illusion within the illusion that I was satisfied in my search for truth, having already found it. This is where I have a different view of the structure of reality and our relation to it and thus a different view of what you call the illusion. As a little side trip as partial explanation I want to discuss a part of the "illusion", our neural structure. Ego isn't some ephemeral whishpy illusion. From birth, and even somewhat in the womb, everything that comes in through the senses is stored as information in the neural network of the brain, eventually, trillions of connections between neurons, more connects than there are stars in the universe. Ego mostly comes out of the connections between birth and six years of age, ego is formed before one is evenly properly conscious, because ego is what we normally think of as being conscious, it's how we see the world and how we act in the world. And it doesn't matter whatever the heights of awareness one achieves, all those neural connections are still there, unless you take the energy out of them that is stored in them (which is possible). Now, I don't have a problem with you calling it an illusion, I don't have any plan, wish, desire or intention to interfere with anyone's view of reality, I'm just sharing stuff, to each his own. ..........But it's my view that it is not the case that "entering the stillness did not improve or change anything". Ego is like a ball and chain, the trillion connections that constitute ego can be dealt with from this higher consciousness. You are still you, if you want to call it an illusion, the illusion still exists. Ego is like a ball and chain that has a ring through our being, like a ring in a bulls nose, and it leads us around in reaction to circumstances and people. So, awareness is a good thing, we can use it to separate from ego, reduce the influence of ego.......just sharing.Later, once things settled, meaning that the force of clarity (what you call spiritual power) got adjusted to, and after the turmoil of a suddenly freed mind imbued with the force of clarity subsided, things got easier, and I began to see the pointlessness of it all. That this mind/life arises, and will subside in its due course, in the mean time, all this knowledge and clarity of the nature of this dream is of no real benefit. Just being is enough, and experiencing some small measure of joy in being. Again, this is where I differ. I live as if reincarnation were a fact, but also consider it a fact that you can take reincarnation out of the picture because you can do the whole trip in one life. At some point you are going to finish the trip in one life, why not this life. So, every minute counts. Every minute not taking the energy out of ego is spending life without benefit. It's not pointless, IMvhO.From there, I let go of the grip on clarity, though a certain clarity still remains, it's not grasped or used as a tool that cuts me and everyone else with its white hot razors edge. As to all that truth...well, I don't know anything as true or false anymore, at least what I am consciously aware of anyway....moreover, I realize that all truths, no matter what they are, whether it seems to be the result of the minds understanding, or a "seeing" from stillness, are all just relativities created in this dream. If its ALL just relativities that we create, why not create and make use of ones that bring an ease, and comfort, and joy to this dream existence....a man is going to die no matter what, does it have to be in a war zone with his body broken and bleeding, or can it be in a warm cozy bed surrounded by loved ones passing in peace...or any other way that you want to spend your last days. So I have found comfort in accepting that all truths, all falsities,are relative, even if they are "seen" from stillness/awareness, or if they are "universally" relative to this shared illusion.....as such, I'm comfortable not knowing anything, and accepting that I CANNOT know anything, not really. I choose to allow certain beliefs to find soil though, beliefs that make this life less of a struggle, and more of a joy. Currently, the belief that has found relativity in me is that nothing exists except God, this is my most common experience right now. The result of that belief/experience, is that much of the time my mind is experiencing a kind of profound humility and wonder that leaves it internally speechless and still, with no effort or "practice" of stillness at all....and my body is filled with a palpable gratitude and bliss...a real physical sensation of gratitude so profound that its a real bliss. "I don't know, and don't need to know" seems to be working out just fine :-) There's still something there of the old mind patterns, what you would call ego SDP, as evidenced by me sharing the nature of universal awareness with Max....but then I realized that I actually don't know...thank you Max ;-) I also got briefly caught in the Blue/Enigma crap/trap of provocation when they are confronted with deep questions about their belief system....but I was blessed relatively quickly with an acceptance of not knowing again....so things seem to be settling as far as mind/ego. I'm in no hurry though, things will run their course and settle out all on their own...soon enough, in the natural course of things, I'll be no more, ....or maybe not I don't know :-) Not-knowing is a good place to be, but that doesn't mean you can never know. I understand the profound humility. I'm glad you have found a good place....
sdp
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