CG as Muse

[charliegee]

In the back of a gray Cadillac

it's a lovely photo
you and me in Gerard's 1970 caddy
a big old boat of a car
long and shiny and new

you looked beautiful
and I looked much better
than I actually was
it being the 1970's and all

don't know who took the picture
but I'm glad they did
and glad they gave it to me
it's my second favorite of ours

the first being that b&w shot
with you laying across my chest
in all your raging glory
all your staggering loveliness

anyway, that photo of us in the car
it gets a lot of attention nowadays
it captured something of our love
it radiates happiness

though the opposite was equally true
we don't have photos of those times
that said, it was a great ride
and I wouldn't trade it for the world

things were easier
simpler somehow when we sat
in the backseat of Gerard's Cadillac
I loved you so much back then

it happens that I still do...

charlie gee 8/1/12

[charliegee]

parting gifts

don't feel like writing now
don't feel like doing
too much of anything
got the nervous feeling

you know the one
butterflies, jitters
whatever name you use
for being on edge

which when you think of it
is farthest away from
being totally centered
too far left or too far right

but a friend said something
when we were having coffee
and it was too perfect
not to explore

too essential
to just let go of
it explained my life
to the proverbial tee

at least the last couple of years
since my wife passed away
he said, 'when her eyes were closing
yours were starting to open'

and ain't that the truth?
as she died I began to live
my life changed and I can't help
but believe that she had a hand in it somehow

it was like her parting gift to me
from god through her to me
it was like, 'here you're gonna need this'
'you're gonna have to change to get by'

'you can't be hiding behind
my apron strings anymore'
I do it no justice as the words
I use are woefully inadequate

but my addictions were gone
somehow, someway and they left
after I prayed to God
to save me from myself

my friend said it best
'when her eyes were closing
yours were starting to open'
from god through her to me

charlie gee 8/2/12

[charliegee]

god is love

there isn't a reason for love
it softens the heart without warning
it comes in the dead of the night
it enters the day without warning

it follows no particular course
it sails on the sea of surprises
it's signs and it's wonders to show
as bright as the sun as it rises

it lightens the dark of despair
it opens the soul unto laughter
though tears still come as they will
joy enters the soul shortly after

and they say that god's name is love
that's correct in my estimation
he can shift any sadness to joy
I believe that it's his obligation

charlie gee 8/5/12

[laughter]

Aug 5, 2012 10:01:16 GMT -5 charliegee said:

god is love

there isn't a reason for love
it softens the heart without warning
it comes in the dead of the night
it enters the day without warning

it follows no particular course
it sails on the sea of surprises
it's signs and it's wonders to show
as bright as the sun as it rises

it lightens the dark of despair
it opens the soul unto laughter
though tears still come as they will
joy enters the soul shortly after

and they say that god's name is love
that's correct in my estimation
he can shift any sadness to joy
I believe that it's his obligation

charlie gee 8/5/12

A sea of surprises! ... infectious CG!

---

Quiet love is
and still

When we thrash
When we cry out in pain
That silence absorbs those

Sometimes the wailing echos
We hear them for as long as we seem to need to
For as long as we seem to want to
For as long as we forget who we are

But in the end
They fade
Wrapped in an embrace of the noiseless void

Motionless love is
and still

When we flail
When we twirl and writhe and lash out
The space for that to happen is there

It can seem to get crowded
Here on this rock
A brace of knuckles feels a wall
For as long as we seem to want to
For as long as we forget who we are

Deep love is
and still

A fathomless depth
Bourne of cool swirling surprise
Supporting us here as we drift
Gifting us the void into which we stumble
Never judging, never taking, never demanding, never deceiving

Patient love is
and still

As it all plays out
As we inevitibly
As we eventually
Find our feet on the shore
Of here
Of now
Of forever

[charliegee]

another fine day

we started off
me, my buddy Carlos
and my brother Nick
at the Lexington Avenue fair

it was okay as fairs go
pretty much more of the same
food, sunglasses and jewelry
tee-shirts and psychic readings

there was even a special on the readings
two bucks a shot but it was way too hot
just walking around was a chore
let alone getting our fortunes read

so, after walking up and done Lex
for a bit we walked back to the car
to pursue another kind of fortune
this time cookie style

after a great Chinese meal uptown
on 89th and Second
our favorite Szechuan restaurant
we went down to Summerstage

off 72nd Street and Fifth
for a free gospel concert
we saw two acts
got our Holy Ghost strut on

and headed downtown
to Washington Square Park
it was still very hot
and my brother said

'look, free water'
so I went up and got
a couple of bottles
cost me five books

that's New York for ya'
actually it was a donation
for some charity
but the young lady and young man

were very nice so that's that
he even told me he liked my glasses
that's worth at least a fiver
I'm sure you may agree

we retired to a shady park bench
and dutifully hydrated
as we watched a sea of loveliness
walk by in summer dresses

New York is beautiful
it runs in my blood
we then sat at the fountain
watching the kids splash away

the mist cooled our bodies
and soothed our souls
as saxophones and drumbeats
pulsed in the background

again, my brother Nick
said, 'c'mon, they're singing doo wop'
that Nick is alright
keeping his big brother informed

so, I sit down to listen
to a rag-tag assortment
of Jews, Blacks and hippies
churn up some blow harmony

the country may be beautiful
but you ain't getting none of this
in the mountains, no sir buddy
they were hittin' it up fine

with them old love songs
fast ones, slow ones
and everything in between
as I sat on that bench

wearing my straw hat
with some cool shades
like the young man said
and I sang along

at one point the lead singer
looked back at me and nodded
so I know I was on key
yeah baby...

then it happened
but before I tell you what went down
you need a little background
you see, my dear wife Maryann

who is gone over three years now
well, she loved butterflies
my daughter always feels
it's kind of a visitation

when she sees one
and who am I to argue?
well, here I am singing along
to 'Teenager in Love'

which I was when we dated
and what do you know?
a butterfly ups and alights
right there on my hat

made me feel kinda' good
and why shouldn't it even if
it's now an old man in love
yeah, still in love with her

after all these years
thanks Mare, I needed that
'Each night I ask the stars up above
Why must I be a teenager in love?'

charlie gee 8/5/12

[laughter]

Wow man ... special vision for sure. Thanks for that and thank Mary too. Ain't nuthin' like a butterfly and ain't no place like NYC.

Cool up here in the mountains today. Cool and sunny.

[charliegee]

thanks brother... nothing against the mountains, you know

[charliegee]

words

you can't weave the silence
into words though the words
must fall into silence

they have their origin there
at the source, the mouth
of the sea of quiet

so many things a writer says
he knows are useless
inadequate and banal

but he tries
to give voice
to the ineffable

he knows he's doomed
to failure but he knows
as well

he can do nothing else...

charlie gee 8/6/12

[laughter]

Aug 6, 2012 11:43:26 GMT -5 charliegee said:

words

you can't weave the silence
into words though the words
must fall into silence

they have their origin there
at the source, the mouth
of the sea of quiet

so many things a writer says
he knows are useless
inadequate and banal

but he tries
to give voice
to the ineffable

he knows he's doomed
to failure but he knows
as well

he can do nothing else...

charlie gee 8/6/12

perfect in our imperfection
tossing pebbles in the still, cool, clear mountain lake

Does anything bob on the ripples?
Does anyone feel the breeze?

It is imperative that it is said that there is nothing to say
To be impassioned about a step back is to be infinitely inflamed
The knot of frustration unfurls in a release so energetic as to fling the celestial far far away into nothing.

To speak until there is no retort is to give ear to a plaintive cry
To mirror back the content
To point the way to to nowhere

The silence can't be rended
It is untouchable
Unbreakable
Unspeakable
Unknowable
Unfathomable
Words won't dent it
But the sound of the richochets can sometimes be so sweet

[laughter]

Aug 6, 2012 11:40:37 GMT -5 charliegee said:

thanks brother... nothing against the mountains, you know

Charlie, I assure you, the mountains take no offense and neither do I.

[charliegee]

cool...

[charliegee]

garden prayer

come by here, lord
I'm in need of your peace
my burden is heavy
and I need a release

you don't have to stay long
just a minute will do
my heart's steady waiting
for a moment with you

'cause mostly I'm happy
mostly I'm fine
but I need to be knowing
if you're really mine

I've come to believe you
and I don't wanna doubt
but I'm restless and lonely
something you know about

because here in this garden
I'm lost in my fears
the pain runs so deeply
more than it appears

and I'd wait here forever
as tears blind my sight
your grace is sufficient
my balm and delight

so, come when you're ready
your servant implores
in all things I submit to
not my will but yours

charlie gee 8/8/12

[mamza]

Introfarted

Embarrassment builds up,
explodes into delicacies
a wall fly would
bow six hairy legs to
in gratitude.

Literally just made this while PMing someone. Stage one draft, and that's where it's stayin'. Hoo hoo hoo.

[charliegee]

morning prayer

here in the blush of morning
here in the rise of day
I kneel in supplication
and cast my eyes your way

the sky over the water
reminds me you are there
the clouds that move above me
become my silent prayer

there may be words that reach you
but my love hides in a glance
and here in wordless wonder
I surrender to the dance

for you, my lord, are worthy
of songs of endless praise
awakened from my slumber
I offer you my days

for there are none beside you
above you or below
and though you know already
I had to let you know

that I thank you for my sorrow
it's all I know to do
for the joy that follows after
brings me back to you

charlie gee 8/9/12

[charliegee]

who's who?

as I begin to disappear
as I blur around the edges
you can find the rest of me
lying in the hedges

and as I begin to vanish
it starts to get quite clear
the question does present itself
was I ever really here?

it's not as bad as you suppose
as I slip into nonentity
perhaps we all can take a look
at the idea of identity

as freedom rises to my knees
in a shroud of invisibility
washing all my fears away
and the curse of frail fragility

still I'll keep my name and all
for my social security check
and you all will recognize me
by the sign around my neck

charlie gee 8/10/12