My Overdue Response to LightMystic

[sophia]

Hi Light,

As I said in the locator subforum, I am sorry for missing your post. I've read every message in this forum but somehow that one sneaked by me.

Thank you for the helpful advice you've given me below.

Sometimes I consciously acknowledge that getting rid of the ego is a frightening idea, because personally, I like being me. It's only recently that I've learned to love myself again. I know that sounds vain...but... where I was before was a dark place. When I imagine losing myself, I have some fear, but even if I can't entirely lose myself in this lifetime, I'm so fulfilled now and very happy with what I've found. The world in my eyes has a purpose now. At the risk of sounding over-emotional (which I no doubt am), I'm very excited about knowing I have a lifetime ahead of me in which I can discover more about all of this. I know that it's a paradox, that for me to identify with being on a spiritual journey is to feed my own ego when the idea is for me to lose my ego. Sometimes it's hard to restrain the giddiness about learning about the Universe and Beyond (i.e. God) and so I have an even tighter grip on the ego. It's hard to let go.

Some people have this idea that to keep looking for that great something is to suffer, as if it's a need that can't be fulfilled, as if we're traveling the world in search of a holy grail that can't be found. But lately it seems more like it is almost continuously fulfilling. I can understand Rumi's drunkenness. I'm not anywhere near enlightened, so if it's already this good, I can't even imagine how wonderful it is to be enlightened.

I'll stop here before I scare anyone. People get taken away by the men in white coats for this sort of talk.

[lightmystic]

Hehe, I love what you're saying.

When you say that you are in love with yourself, you speak of it with the same affection that you speak of love for God. I think that, in reality, you are not referring to your ego (your sense of separateness), are referring to love of your limitless self. Ego is the idea that there is separation. Love is the recognition that there is not just a relationship, but a close relationship. This is the joy of Unity, the beginning of something truly wonderful.

Your are allowing divinity in.

The world is fulfilling. That is it. You need look no further, as you already realize that. Any further "looking" would only hinder your path, and it is clear that you know that. You got it. You got it because you really know that there is nothing more needed.

I'm overcome with devotion, and I'm afraid I'll have to worship your self for a moment at this point in the post.


Phew.

There will of course be changes in your relationship to your wonderful, lovely self, but the you that you love, the God that you love, and everything else that you love, far from leaving, will quietly grow in it's own fashion. Your overjoy will extend to even more wonderful things, as the current wonderful things fall into place as everyday life. Not that what you're going through is not perfect and amazing. Truly it is amazing to be able to view. The stabilizing of your recognition should be quite an unforgettable ride.

I wish you the best on your path. Not that you need to go anywhere.

[sophia]

Hi Light,

Namaste to you, too!

I can't foresee that I'll ever stop looking and learning. So far it seems the more I look and the more I learn the more thrilled I become, and there isn't an end to the things I can look at and learn about.

I think I understand what you're saying about changes, because some days I feel disconnected.

[lightmystic]

I'm not suggesting an end to looking and learning. I'm suggesting an end to looking out of need. That may not be true for you, however. I suppose it depends on what you need.

I suppose what I'm saying is that the looking and learning become automatic. In my experience, my learning and growing is not less than before (like I originally thought it was going to be) but infinitely more than it ever has. And that's actually becoming comfortable, which is definately a new thing for me.

It's just that the growing is become the very fabric of what life is, as opposed to something separate that I'm doing, as opposed to what I thought was a choice. It feels like I cannot but make the choice to grow and learn, because that is what I want. I like to teach and talk about this stuff because I really want to learn, and expressing it is a great way to do that, at least for me.

Nov 10, 2008 16:57:41 GMT -5 sophia said:

Hi Light,

Namaste to you, too!

I can't foresee that I'll ever stop looking and learning. So far it seems the more I look and the more I learn the more thrilled I become, and there isn't an end to the things I can look at and learn about.

I think I understand what you're saying about changes, because some days I feel disconnected.

[sophia]

Hi Light,

You describe things so well and it seems like you have a lot of insight into things that I have gone through or are going through. I think maybe the word I'm looking for is "perceptive".

For almost four years I think I was looking out of a sense of need, but now it seems I am looking out of a sense of enjoyment and a hunger to learn all I can about the world and Universe before I have to leave.

I do have some things to work on in myself, still, and a lot of growing to do. I've seen you and Peter mention a few times the urge of anger. I give in to it less and I try to watch myself, but every now and then I feel guilty because I still react, but I'm noticing that as I'm reacting I'm thinking in my head that I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I've made a lot of improvement. Up until a few years ago I used to get into road rage sometimes. If someone rode my tail I'd slam on the brakes or drive slower to tick them off, sometimes I'd even give people the finger if they honked at me. But now if someone does something on the road that I don't like I just think to myself that they're probably not out to get me personally they're just in their own world and so I stay calm and just ignore it.

I don't know why I got into that but I felt like it fit in with the "growing" aspect of our conversation.

By the way, I just wanted to point out to you that your first response to this thread was today at 11:11am (in my time zone). To me, that is a special time and when things really started to pick up for me spiritually I started to see it all the time. What makes today special is that I woke-up this morning and immediately looked at the clock; it said 11:11am. It's neat that that is when you made the post.

[lightmystic]

Wow, what a delightful post Sophia.

That 11:11 am thing is really cool. I'm sure there are tons of layers of meaning to uncover there still.

I've let go of a LOT of anger in the past, and I've noticed that anger is when a genuine need or desire is blocked, because I told myself "you can't/shouldn't want that. You can't have that."
It was limiting my natural desire for expression.

Those limitations are unwinding nicely for me, and it seems you too. It can take time though, but that all part of the process.

I've gotten to the point that I really feel like is the heart of my guilt, which, for me was a belief that I need be small in order to receive. But isn't true.

Byron Katie has a great quote about humility:
"Humility is the opposite of the belief that you're not good enough."

That really struck me when I first heard it, and I've definately found it to be true for me since then.

Anyway, it will be a lot of fun to keep hearing about what's going on with you and things unwind. Keep us posted, and I will try to do the same.

Nov 10, 2008 18:35:03 GMT -5 sophia said:

Hi Light,

You describe things so well and it seems like you have a lot of insight into things that I have gone through or are going through. I think maybe the word I'm looking for is "perceptive".

For almost four years I think I was looking out of a sense of need, but now it seems I am looking out of a sense of enjoyment and a hunger to learn all I can about the world and Universe before I have to leave.

I do have some things to work on in myself, still, and a lot of growing to do. I've seen you and Peter mention a few times the urge of anger. I give in to it less and I try to watch myself, but every now and then I feel guilty because I still react, but I'm noticing that as I'm reacting I'm thinking in my head that I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I've made a lot of improvement. Up until a few years ago I used to get into road rage sometimes. If someone rode my tail I'd slam on the brakes or drive slower to tick them off, sometimes I'd even give people the finger if they honked at me. But now if someone does something on the road that I don't like I just think to myself that they're probably not out to get me personally they're just in their own world and so I stay calm and just ignore it.

I don't know why I got into that but I felt like it fit in with the "growing" aspect of our conversation.

By the way, I just wanted to point out to you that your first response to this thread was today at 11:11am (in my time zone). To me, that is a special time and when things really started to pick up for me spiritually I started to see it all the time. What makes today special is that I woke-up this morning and immediately looked at the clock; it said 11:11am. It's neat that that is when you made the post.

[swamicollins]

Groucho Marx said of Humility--
Humility is a strange thing!
the moment you THINK youve got it
youve lost it!


In your case LM youve NEVER been near HUMILITY in your life
but you do spend a lot of time quoting others and writing other peoples words as if they were your own--Honest people call that PLAGIARISM

[sophia]

Swami,

You're funny. You just quoted something yourself.

[FHF]

Humility is lost because you tried to capture it by thinking that you have it. With anything in life you have to let it be. It's like the generous guy that realizes he's generous and stop being generous from that point on because he starts thinking that he's being taken advantage of. Had he never known he was generous he would always be generous.

[lightmystic]

That's a good point FHF. Humility is lost when it becomes an issue. It becomes lost when one is afraid that they're not being humble. Thus, saying "I am humble!" in a protective way is arrogance, because the protectiveness comes from fear of it being fragile in oneself. There is no need to separate yourself with arrogance if one feels safe, and safety comes from feeling nurtured, taken care of, and empowered.

Thus, immovable feelings of worth and good-enough-ness is the only safe ground for the deepest kind of humility to grow.

[sophia]

Finding the right balance is difficult.

How can one be humble when they are proud of being humble?

[lightmystic]

Being humble gives someone the strength to yield, to be devoted to that Amazingness. Nothing can be more wonderful. Being more devoted to That is the only thing I have left. It's the only thing left that I want in this whole world. What's there the ability to be proud of? Just throwing myself at the feet of Divine more and more and everything is okay.

Being humble is not a quality deserving of merit, it is only receiving the gift of constant joy, the gift having my heart heal, the gift of being wrapped in the soothing blanket of life's mystery, letting it feed me, bathe me, clothe me, and take me away from my own web of pain, loneliness, and limitation. I don't know. I don't need to know. Nothing other than That.

I cannot say it well, but someday I will.