frustratedwanter
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Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
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Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 21, 2013 21:25:57 GMT -5
Driving. Just driving. There's a lot happening when driving, but it doesn't seem to take a person. Very little mental activity at all. "Seeker" steps in. Want's to strive for a different experience. Recognized. I won't even let it turn on the radio. Dude tries to compose something to put on ghostbook. But it distracts me from driving. Like Cesar Milan dealing with an alpha chihuahua, I have to put my foot down. End this snarling little yapper's reign of terror. Just driving.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
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Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 22, 2013 15:41:50 GMT -5
The idea "There should be no thought" is pure resistance, has caused a lot of tension here over the years.
Seems like all the nasty accumulations are held in the body. Breathing thru the tensions, relaxing around them, allowing, releasing. It does feel like knots untying.
I worry about flipping out. I've heard the stories. I worry I might suddenly rip off my sari, start doing cartwheels at work.
I worry I might wear a sari to work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2013 15:47:46 GMT -5
The idea "There should be no thought" is pure resistance, has caused a lot of tension here over the years. Seems like all the nasty accumulations are held in the body. Breathing thru the tensions, relaxing around them, allowing, releasing. It does feel like knots untying. I worry about flipping out. I've heard the stories. I worry I might suddenly rip off my sari, start doing cartwheels at work. I worry I might wear a sari to work. Well worse things could happen. The naked cartwheeling sari worker seems like just plain old fear. This is when doing your breathing thing really is the stuff. I'm thinking of Buddha touching the ground amidst a huge display of mara -- that happened under the bodhi tree -- meaning it was penultimate to his biggie. think about the dream, where you end up hurtling over the cliff and lucidly ponder 'well I guess this is what death is going to be like' and instead of going splat the dream takes off in a different less terrifying direction, perhaps flying.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 22, 2013 16:29:56 GMT -5
The idea "There should be no thought" is pure resistance, has caused a lot of tension here over the years. Seems like all the nasty accumulations are held in the body. Breathing thru the tensions, relaxing around them, allowing, releasing. It does feel like knots untying. I worry about flipping out. I've heard the stories. I worry I might suddenly rip off my sari, start doing cartwheels at work. I worry I might wear a sari to work. Well worse things could happen. The naked cartwheeling sari worker seems like just plain old fear. This is when doing your breathing thing really is the stuff. I'm thinking of Buddha touching the ground amidst a huge display of mara -- that happened under the bodhi tree -- meaning it was penultimate to his biggie. think about the dream, where you end up hurtling over the cliff and lucidly ponder 'well I guess this is what death is going to be like' and instead of going splat the dream takes off in a different less terrifying direction, perhaps flying. Never did land in those dreams, always flew. What I can't remember is whether I used to jump off the cliff willingly. Think I did. Sure loved flying. Used to have this peculiar feeling (In waking life) around the edges of high places. It wasn't "I might fall". Fear. It was "I want to fly!" An urge I had to resist. I'm of the opinion that this urge to fly and the understanding of "splat" is what people call vertigo. These days I'm pretty good with "I might fall". If memory serves, Carlos Castaneda jumped off a cliff. But he was working with a teacher. For me? Splat!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2013 16:38:10 GMT -5
Well worse things could happen. The naked cartwheeling sari worker seems like just plain old fear. This is when doing your breathing thing really is the stuff. I'm thinking of Buddha touching the ground amidst a huge display of mara -- that happened under the bodhi tree -- meaning it was penultimate to his biggie. think about the dream, where you end up hurtling over the cliff and lucidly ponder 'well I guess this is what death is going to be like' and instead of going splat the dream takes off in a different less terrifying direction, perhaps flying. Never did land in those dreams, always flew. What I can't remember is whether I used to jump off the cliff willingly. Think I did. Sure loved flying. Used to have this peculiar feeling (In waking life) around the edges of high places. It wasn't "I might fall". Fear. It was "I want to fly!" An urge I had to resist. I'm of the opinion that this urge to fly and the understanding of "splat" is what people call vertigo. These days I'm pretty good with "I might fall". If memory serves, Carlos Castaneda jumped off a cliff. But he was working with a teacher. For me? Splat! Carlos Castanada wrote fiction, wasn't that the verdict? Kinda like Jed Mckenna but even more spurious. cool concept for vertigo... I've always felt the pull in high places too. I know that's pretty common. Maybe we evolved from some flying being and these situations are tapping into a dormant behavior?
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 22, 2013 16:44:18 GMT -5
Don't know the age. 4,5,6? Had a dream of me dog paddling thru the air. When I woke up I tried to find an edge, where I could balance on my knees and dog paddle. I just couldn't dog paddle furiously enough. Air ain't like water!
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 22, 2013 19:09:32 GMT -5
Never did land in those dreams, always flew. What I can't remember is whether I used to jump off the cliff willingly. Think I did. Sure loved flying. Used to have this peculiar feeling (In waking life) around the edges of high places. It wasn't "I might fall". Fear. It was "I want to fly!" An urge I had to resist. I'm of the opinion that this urge to fly and the understanding of "splat" is what people call vertigo. These days I'm pretty good with "I might fall". If memory serves, Carlos Castaneda jumped off a cliff. But he was working with a teacher. For me? Splat! Carlos Castanada wrote fiction, wasn't that the verdict? Kinda like Jed Mckenna but even more spurious. cool concept for vertigo... I've always felt the pull in high places too. I know that's pretty common. Maybe we evolved from some flying being and these situations are tapping into a dormant behavior? I don't know from fiction. (Think that's a phrase out here) Don't know Jed Mckenna. As for "verdicts" there are far too many people out here with far too many opinions on far too many things. You have believers of the fictions of one religion with the understanding that the fictions of another religion are absolutely false. I don't know from fiction. This concept of "anything is possible" is far beyond my understanding. Can't say I have any opinion on Castaneda. Seems I was intrigued by his words at some time. A fun read. I heard Ram dass (Richard Alpert) quote something from a Castaneda book one time and I thought "You know?" What do I know from fiction? I happen to trust ram dass and if he quotes something it makes it somewhat more legitimate for me. I've heard stories that if you hear something and it feels true to you then it is because you already know the truth and you are therefore... resonating from your own truth. Blah, Blah, Blah. Blow up some children, stomp on everyone that pisses you off and you will be sweet in the eyes of the lord. I might be digressing. I believe in the book "The only dance there is" Ram dass speaks to the phrase "had you but faith, you could move mountains." I'm paraphrasing here. "You become the mountain, then you move. But you put the mountain there in the first place, you have no need to move it." Hanging around this site for me is a hope of understanding something truly incomprehensible. Truth be told, it seems to be a bunch of words that want to be seen. Underneath that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2013 9:35:09 GMT -5
Carlos Castanada wrote fiction, wasn't that the verdict? Kinda like Jed Mckenna but even more spurious. cool concept for vertigo... I've always felt the pull in high places too. I know that's pretty common. Maybe we evolved from some flying being and these situations are tapping into a dormant behavior? I don't know from fiction. (Think that's a phrase out here) Don't know Jed Mckenna. As for "verdicts" there are far too many people out here with far too many opinions on far too many things. You have believers of the fictions of one religion with the understanding that the fictions of another religion are absolutely false. I don't know from fiction. This concept of "anything is possible" is far beyond my understanding. Can't say I have any opinion on Castaneda. Seems I was intrigued by his words at some time. A fun read. I heard Ram dass (Richard Alpert) quote something from a Castaneda book one time and I thought "You know?" What do I know from fiction? I happen to trust ram dass and if he quotes something it makes it somewhat more legitimate for me. I've heard stories that if you hear something and it feels true to you then it is because you already know the truth and you are therefore... resonating from your own truth. Blah, Blah, Blah. Blow up some children, stomp on everyone that pisses you off and you will be sweet in the eyes of the lord. I might be digressing. I believe in the book "The only dance there is" Ram dass speaks to the phrase "had you but faith, you could move mountains." I'm paraphrasing here. "You become the mountain, then you move. But you put the mountain there in the first place, you have no need to move it." Hanging around this site for me is a hope of understanding something truly incomprehensible. Truth be told, it seems to be a bunch of words that want to be seen. Underneath that. cheers to understanding the truly incomprehensible, underneath. It might happen in paralell. Just noticing understanding while the chatter takes place elsewhere.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
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Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 23, 2013 17:41:11 GMT -5
There's a saying in Zen, something like "step off of a 100 foot pole". This morning, sitting, contemplating that plunge, (A 'plunge', don't know if it was THAT one!) I REALIZE!!!!!!............................................
I want a shorter pole. Maybe two foot.
Maybe if I don't have to go to work right away I'll try the 100. Just before work? Two foot. I'll take the two foot plunge.
Clinging tightly to my sari.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 27, 2013 15:01:46 GMT -5
A not quite formulated observation about this "I". This self-reflective thing that tries to look at itself and see how it's doing (which is usually "not good enough!") is for the birds! It's like checking a weather station on top of Mt. Everest for current conditions here in the lowlands. "The weather sucks here today Bob! The weather ALWAYS sucks here!"
Everything is fine 'til "I" wants to know how everything is going.
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Post by silence on Oct 27, 2013 15:51:26 GMT -5
A not quite formulated observation about this "I". This self-reflective thing that tries to look at itself and see how it's doing (which is usually "not good enough!") is for the birds! It's like checking a weather station on top of Mt. Everest for current conditions here in the lowlands. "The weather sucks here today Bob! The weather ALWAYS sucks here!" Everything is fine 'til "I" wants to know how everything is going. A reflection on the self-reflective thing.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 27, 2013 18:28:03 GMT -5
A not quite formulated observation about this "I". This self-reflective thing that tries to look at itself and see how it's doing (which is usually "not good enough!") is for the birds! It's like checking a weather station on top of Mt. Everest for current conditions here in the lowlands. "The weather sucks here today Bob! The weather ALWAYS sucks here!" Everything is fine 'til "I" wants to know how everything is going. A reflection on the self-reflective thing. Standing in an elevator with mirrors on 3 sides, I know that I am infinite. It occurs to me that I never looked for the tiniest, farthest reflection in that infinity of "me's". Too bad! I might have seen me disappear.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 27, 2013 19:51:40 GMT -5
A reflection on the self-reflective thing. Standing in an elevator with mirrors on 3 sides, I know that I am infinite. It occurs to me that I never looked for the tiniest, farthest reflection in that infinity of "me's". Too bad! I might have seen me disappear. It occurs to me also......! Don't know if I looked at an infinity of front sides or backsides. I really should pay attention. Something in Zen about "Attention! Attention! Attention!" Sometimes I like to excuse a sometimes seemingly "spaced out" forgetful nature (I DO prefer the word "vast" to "spaced out" just for fun) with the thought: "If there is no experiencer then there really is no experience and if experiencer and experience are null and void then nothing happened and why the hell are you asking me about the minutiae of yesterday?" I don't say that to the boss though. It's a mite trippy. I say "I don't do well at memory exercises." He and many others can conclude that that is just what happens to people who have done a little too much of one drug or another. Which is most likely the case. I have no way of knowing. On a happy note ('cause I call it so) the boss spent time on the road with a man who meditated daily. He told me about it before he was "the boss" so maybe he saw some bit of a certain weirdness over here. The owner of the company (a seldom seen, shadowy figure) subscribes to the Yoga Journal. Keeps issues in the bathroom. Rather unusual in a commercial construction company. I call it a "good vibe". Do hope I can hang around for a while.
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frustratedwanter
Full Member
Apparently I posted something in 2020. I don't think that's what I'm looking for but what ta hey?
Posts: 150
|
Post by frustratedwanter on Oct 27, 2013 21:12:22 GMT -5
Slicing an onion I nick my thumb. Some vague thought about "oneness" flits by. But I only want to eat the onion, the thumb I want for other things. My apologies to chickens. They must hold their wings every bit as dear as I hold my thumb. My apologies to cannibals. I can see how that thumb, cooked right, might be a tasty treat. "Tastes like chicken!"
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Post by silence on Oct 27, 2013 22:39:06 GMT -5
A reflection on the self-reflective thing. Standing in an elevator with mirrors on 3 sides, I know that I am infinite. It occurs to me that I never looked for the tiniest, farthest reflection in that infinity of "me's". Too bad! I might have seen me disappear. *slowly backs away*
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