Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2013 20:02:54 GMT -5
Okay, so one of the things I've been looking at here lately is the state of contentedness. I find that when I'm content (free of desire), the mind is like a calm pond. In this state, I can detect even the slightest of mental/emotional disturbances. Life is easy, and nothing is resisted, even the undesirable emotional states because it's understood that they will come and go. In addition to that, I'm able to spot the root of disturbance (which is often some sort of desire resulting in struggle).
I spent years inquiring into "reality" and "me" and I have literally exhausted myself to the point where I just wanted to die. At some point I just gave up because I realized that nothing was ultimately knowable. Not knowing what to do I just sat around relaxing and going on walks. I literally just didn't know what else to do.
Now I find myself happy, if one could call it that. And while there are no bells and whistles, I am free of struggle and suffering.
Once in a while the mind will trick me into inquiry, but now I recognize it as a fraud. There is nothing to find (including happiness "out there") and nothing to know.
I spent a great deal of time trying to pay attention to the senses, but that was also seen to be futile. When the mind is free of desire, clean so to speak, attending to the senses is effortless.
The irony is that in giving up on effort, the "me" has dissolved even further. My experience now can only be described as "dream-like", I know that none of this is real.
It seems to me that contentedness is the place to "start" and/or reside. I'm curious what other's experience is like or if they can relate to this.
Love
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2013 20:15:23 GMT -5
Aaah yes, the question. That's the important part.
The question I have is what to do about the lingering desires. I still find myself wanting to drink and flirt with the ladies (love the cuties).
I'll find myself in a state of complete contentedness, and then I'll run out in to the world and get drunk or find a girl to spend time with.
It seems like pushing these desires away results in more struggle. The desire to be free of desire is yet another means of control fueled by hope.
My question is how to work with this?
And while I recognize everything to be appearances arising within awareness (or awareness itself), I still get pulled into my old patterns from time to time.
I feel stuck. Everything I do seems totally futile. I am tired of waiting... hoping.
|
|
|
Post by silence on Aug 8, 2013 20:29:20 GMT -5
Aaah yes, the question. That's the important part. The question I have is what to do about the lingering desires. I still find myself wanting to drink and flirt with the ladies (love the cuties). I'll find myself in a state of complete contentedness, and then I'll run out in to the world and get drunk or find a girl to spend time with. It seems like pushing these desires away results in more struggle. The desire to be free of desire is yet another means of control fueled by hope. My question is how to work with this? And while I recognize everything to be appearances arising within awareness (or awareness itself), I still get pulled into my old patterns from time to time. I feel stuck. Everything I do seems totally futile. I am tired of waiting... hoping. You know what you enjoy because you keep doing it. The problem is of course that you shame yourself for it afterwards and fit it into some sort of spiritual progress timeline. Stop doing that.
|
|
|
Post by silence on Aug 8, 2013 20:39:10 GMT -5
Once in a while the mind will trick me into inquiry, but now I recognize it as a fraud. There is nothing to find (including happiness "out there") and nothing to know. I spent a great deal of time trying to pay attention to the senses, but that was also seen to be futile. When the mind is free of desire, clean so to speak, attending to the senses is effortless. In a way it could be said to trust no one. Even yourself. It is the internal dialogue that is looking to ask strange questions to itself and direct attention towards the senses for a reward.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2013 20:51:50 GMT -5
Aaah yes, the question. That's the important part. The question I have is what to do about the lingering desires. I still find myself wanting to drink and flirt with the ladies (love the cuties). I'll find myself in a state of complete contentedness, and then I'll run out in to the world and get drunk or find a girl to spend time with. It seems like pushing these desires away results in more struggle. The desire to be free of desire is yet another means of control fueled by hope. My question is how to work with this? And while I recognize everything to be appearances arising within awareness (or awareness itself), I still get pulled into my old patterns from time to time. I feel stuck. Everything I do seems totally futile. I am tired of waiting... hoping. You know what you enjoy because you keep doing it. The problem is of course that you shame yourself for it afterwards and fit it into some sort of spiritual progress timeline. Stop doing that. I don't know if you know what you're talking about, but your post made me happy. Curious to hear your experience. I'm not a spiritual dude, I just found myself in an existential rut wondering what all of this was. It was only recently until I started wondering about desire. I was stuck in a rut of meaninglessness realizing that nothing would make me happy. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Now I find myself springing to life again. Realizing how amazing things are. I'm a but surprised in my interest in being with girls again. I had completely lost interest at some point because I came to realize they wouldn't make me happy and that sex was empty. Girls are beautiful creatures. Superior to males, IMO, because they are more honest and emotionally expressive. I can't help but love them.
|
|
|
Post by silence on Aug 9, 2013 9:06:26 GMT -5
You know what you enjoy because you keep doing it. The problem is of course that you shame yourself for it afterwards and fit it into some sort of spiritual progress timeline. Stop doing that. I don't know if you know what you're talking about, but your post made me happy. Curious to hear your experience. I'm not a spiritual dude, I just found myself in an existential rut wondering what all of this was. It was only recently until I started wondering about desire. I was stuck in a rut of meaninglessness realizing that nothing would make me happy. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Now I find myself springing to life again. Realizing how amazing things are. I'm a but surprised in my interest in being with girls again. I had completely lost interest at some point because I came to realize they wouldn't make me happy and that sex was empty. Girls are beautiful creatures. Superior to males, IMO, because they are more honest and emotionally expressive. I can't help but love them. There's a movement of mind that requires struggle. This movement is usually called ego. Mind as a whole does not require struggle and so the absence of struggle and incessant grasping can be quite pleasant and revealing. The struggle does not come to an end because one side wins but rather that one stops seeing themselves on either (or both) sides of the rope. On the topic of sex, every damn animal is interested in it whether it's being conceptualized or not. It's not some sort of mistake.
|
|
|
Post by Ishtahota on Aug 9, 2013 9:26:30 GMT -5
I don't know if you know what you're talking about, but your post made me happy. Curious to hear your experience. I'm not a spiritual dude, I just found myself in an existential rut wondering what all of this was. It was only recently until I started wondering about desire. I was stuck in a rut of meaninglessness realizing that nothing would make me happy. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Now I find myself springing to life again. Realizing how amazing things are. I'm a but surprised in my interest in being with girls again. I had completely lost interest at some point because I came to realize they wouldn't make me happy and that sex was empty. Girls are beautiful creatures. Superior to males, IMO, because they are more honest and emotionally expressive. I can't help but love them. There's a movement of mind that requires struggle. This movement is usually called ego. Mind as a whole does not require. struggle and so the absence of struggle and incessant grasping can be quite pleasant and revealing. The struggle does not come to an end because one side wins but rather that one stops seeing themselves on either (or both) sides of the rope. On the topic of sex, every darn animal is interested in it whether it's being conceptualized or not. It's not some sort of mistake. Sex is a really hard one to understand, because the drive for it comes from so many places. Some people use it as their source of power which is a down fall all of it's own, like a drug. The ego wants it to make itself feel good. The body has hormones which it wants to generate. It is also a drive that comes from our DNA and it's need to keep the spiceses going. The most important drive for sex truly is spiritual in nature. The kundalini energy is our sexual energy. When we use that energy in what we think is the normal way, we send that energy down and out threw the genital area. This energy is needed in another way for our awakening. The trick is to send the energy up and out the top of the head. The orgasm is 10 to 20 time the normal and will last from a half an hour to an hour long. And the act of sex is really not needed at all. This is why our need for sex is so intense, our sub-conscious and our higher self know what it is for and they keep driving us to search and experience. Because we are in duality we think that we need someone outside of ourselves to be whole and complete. A soul mate will never satisfy, what we are really looking for is authentic self.
|
|
|
Post by Reefs on Aug 9, 2013 10:45:49 GMT -5
Aaah yes, the question. That's the important part. The question I have is what to do about the lingering desires. I still find myself wanting to drink and flirt with the ladies (love the cuties). I'll find myself in a state of complete contentedness, and then I'll run out in to the world and get drunk or find a girl to spend time with. It seems like pushing these desires away results in more struggle. The desire to be free of desire is yet another means of control fueled by hope. My question is how to work with this? And while I recognize everything to be appearances arising within awareness (or awareness itself), I still get pulled into my old patterns from time to time. I feel stuck. Everything I do seems totally futile. I am tired of waiting... hoping. Let it play itself out, you must. But worry, you must not. Patience you must have. Desires, fear them not. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. In the end, cowards are those who follow the dark side. Already know you that which you need:
|
|
|
Post by Reefs on Aug 9, 2013 11:34:30 GMT -5
You know what you enjoy because you keep doing it. The problem is of course that you shame yourself for it afterwards and fit it into some sort of spiritual progress timeline. Stop doing that. I don't know if you know what you're talking about, but your post made me happy. Curious to hear your experience. I'm not a spiritual dude, I just found myself in an existential rut wondering what all of this was. It was only recently until I started wondering about desire. I was stuck in a rut of meaninglessness realizing that nothing would make me happy. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Now I find myself springing to life again. Realizing how amazing things are. I'm a but surprised in my interest in being with girls again. I had completely lost interest at some point because I came to realize they wouldn't make me happy and that sex was empty. Girls are beautiful creatures. Superior to males, IMO, because they are more honest and emotionally expressive. I can't help but love them. The power of futility, hehe. Existential questions are all misconceived anyway. Niz used to say: " I appeal to you with my folded hands, don't get into spirituality!" So, there.
|
|
|
Post by topology on Aug 9, 2013 11:36:52 GMT -5
I don't know if you know what you're talking about, but your post made me happy. Curious to hear your experience. I'm not a spiritual dude, I just found myself in an existential rut wondering what all of this was. It was only recently until I started wondering about desire. I was stuck in a rut of meaninglessness realizing that nothing would make me happy. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Now I find myself springing to life again. Realizing how amazing things are. I'm a but surprised in my interest in being with girls again. I had completely lost interest at some point because I came to realize they wouldn't make me happy and that sex was empty. Girls are beautiful creatures. Superior to males, IMO, because they are more honest and emotionally expressive. I can't help but love them. The power of futility, hehe. Existential questions are all misconceived anyway. Niz used to say: " I appeal to you with my folded hands, don't get into spirituality!" So, there. I'd be willing to put forward that certain energy and meditation practices are a "cleaner" high than ganja.
|
|
|
Post by Reefs on Aug 9, 2013 11:48:58 GMT -5
The power of futility, hehe. Existential questions are all misconceived anyway. Niz used to say: " I appeal to you with my folded hands, don't get into spirituality!" So, there. I'd be willing to put forward that certain energy and meditation practices are a "cleaner" high than ganja. I'd say the point Niz was making with sincerity and earnestness is muy importante here. Earnestness is the main ingredient necessary on the seeker's part of the equation. Earnestness, however, cannot be created by the seeker, so 'fake it until you make it' won't do it. So, what are you gonna do?
|
|
|
Post by topology on Aug 9, 2013 12:05:04 GMT -5
I'd be willing to put forward that certain energy and meditation practices are a "cleaner" high than ganja. I'd say the point Niz was making with sincerity and earnestness is muy importante here. Earnestness is the main ingredient necessary on the seeker's part of the equation. Earnestness, however, cannot be created by the seeker, so 'fake it until you make it' won't do it. So, what are you gonna do? While one's coping mechanisms are perceived to be working, earnestness is kept at arms length.
|
|
|
Post by silver on Aug 9, 2013 12:11:29 GMT -5
What does THAT earnestness mean that you're talking about?
And what's with the maryjewannah?
|
|
|
Post by enigma on Aug 9, 2013 12:44:53 GMT -5
I don't know if you know what you're talking about, but your post made me happy. Curious to hear your experience. I'm not a spiritual dude, I just found myself in an existential rut wondering what all of this was. It was only recently until I started wondering about desire. I was stuck in a rut of meaninglessness realizing that nothing would make me happy. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Now I find myself springing to life again. Realizing how amazing things are. I'm a but surprised in my interest in being with girls again. I had completely lost interest at some point because I came to realize they wouldn't make me happy and that sex was empty. Girls are beautiful creatures. Superior to males, IMO, because they are more honest and emotionally expressive. I can't help but love them. The power of futility, hehe. Existential questions are all misconceived anyway. Niz used to say: " I appeal to you with my folded hands, don't get into spirituality!" So, there. Did he really say that? That's funny! Good advice, though.
|
|
|
Post by enigma on Aug 9, 2013 12:48:03 GMT -5
I'd be willing to put forward that certain energy and meditation practices are a "cleaner" high than ganja. I'd say the point Niz was making with sincerity and earnestness is muy importante here. Earnestness is the main ingredient necessary on the seeker's part of the equation. Earnestness, however, cannot be created by the seeker, so 'fake it until you make it' won't do it. So, what are you gonna do? Wait until there's enough suffering?
|
|