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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2013 17:32:29 GMT -5
I generally don't comment on woo woo experiences, but man, I'm having having some weird ones going on lately.
first, this weird phenomenon that I call Visions is happening. When I close my eyes, I'm getting these disconnected visions of things, sometimes it's like a picture of something, a decoration on a fireplace mantle, or a comic bookesc picture of a scene, sometimes it's a color that takes a shape, sometimes a scene happening like memory....it's like these constantly changing pictures that appear and disappear....but what's strange, is I get this feeling that its good for me, like its healing something or doing something undefinable that I need....likes it accomplishing something that I can't nor want to understand, but that has a rightness and need to be done. Almost like its reprogramming me, or deprogramming me or something. Maybe like a computer program that's missing strings of code and glitching, and the code is being repaired, or rewritten or something.....I dunno.
The second thing is that I'm tripping a bit....when I was younger and tried DMT and Mushrooms and LSD I would see these kinda glowing fine patterns emerge on the surface of things like my skin or the floor....lately, sometimes when I look at the floor or something, and the mind is still, is like the light reflecting off the floor is about to kinda shimmer into a fine, delicate, living pattern.
When I look at stuff, like the trees and sky, there is beauty there, but NO recognition of, or rather, any type of engagement with the beauty.
Also, before, I use to have to make a kind of practice at letting the mind be still, now, it seems like a Herculean effort to get the mind to move to do anything or think about anything.
This is creating some worry because I have concerns about my capacity to provide for my family....honestly, if that wasn't there I think I'd totally disappear altogether....
but even that intermittent worry, and all the other phenomena of nature, my body, my mind, it's all just a hollow happening to me now.
Like I'm a tree that's been hollowed out on the inside...the trunk, branches, and leaves....the air and the sun and environment that the tree is in and all the happenings in that environment are all there but there's nothing left in "here", or within anything else, and there's no soil that the tree is planted in.....it's all a bit like the chicken that somehow impossibly continues to live even though it's head has been cut off.
There is a me, but there is no "me".
Everything seems foreign as though I've never seen it before, but there is no feeling of discovery or newness that comes when you actually see something for the first time.
Its just gone.
I'm not being still or observing stillness, I've disappeared, hollowed out....there is no I in there or anywhere.
I kinda miss my I....but it's just gone, removed.
even my Awareness, my presence of Being or I Amness, (which is still there), is unsupported, hollow, empty, devoid of....
I feel empty, I feel sick, I feel elated, I feel sorrow, I feel loss, I feel remorse at what I may have done to myself and perhaps others by losing myself....but it's all hollow, a happening that is happening to no one or on anything.
And it's an effort to hold any of it together, because there is no center to support it, so it's all slipping away like sand through the fingers.
I'm not looking for a "meaning", or a validation or invalidation of or for any of this, but I felt really drawn to documenting it somehow.
Maybe this all will pass and is just a kind of temporary insanity, but I really feel like something is irrevocably and irretrievably lost....and that my only choice is to continue life, as if it were still there.
Sorry to dump all this on you guys, but again, there was an urge to document.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2013 17:53:29 GMT -5
Guys I'm sorry but I don't seem to have the Will to put in the effort to do much right now, so I think it's better to conserve whatever I have left for being the best husband I can be right now, and maybe be a more available and doting family guy.
I'll try to come back later if this passes.
Best wishes to all of you, and thank you for letting me stop by, have a chat, and do some exploring.
I wish all of you and your families well being and happiness in each others company.
Try to enjoy each others company here too ;-)
Though it may not seem like it at times, your similarities far outweigh your differences, your all brothers and sisters, nieces nephews aunts and uncles :-)
Love each other
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Post by andrew on Jun 14, 2013 18:15:18 GMT -5
Steve, I have always found your words worth reading, very rarely do I skip or skim through something you have said. As Burt said to Mary, ''don't stay away too long''.
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Post by Beingist on Jun 14, 2013 18:26:37 GMT -5
Guys I'm sorry but I don't seem to have the Will to put in the effort to do much right now, so I think it's better to conserve whatever I have left for being the best husband I can be right now, and maybe be a more available and doting family guy. I'll try to come back later if this passes. Best wishes to all of you, and thank you for letting me stop by, have a chat, and do some exploring. I wish all of you and your families well being and happiness in each others company. Try to enjoy each others company here too ;-) Though it may not seem like it at times, your similarities far outweigh your differences, your all brothers and sisters, nieces nephews aunts and uncles :-) Love each other Jeezus, you sound like Jesus. Go on. |
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Post by silver on Jun 14, 2013 18:28:28 GMT -5
If you trust your doctors, maybe it wouldn't hurt to see a professional of some sort about these experiences.
If you can bring yourself to trust yourself more (and you don't feel that strongly that it's an issue that maybe only a professional can help you with or something like that), you can understand / accept what is happening along the lines of being some sort of spiritual (for lack of better term) / ethereal advancement, perhaps. Being 'empty'/ feeling empty around here seems all the rage.....in and of itself, an 'empty' feeling like yours doesn't seem like a necessariy 'bad' thing - even though lots of times, people will say they feel empty, meaning they feel something's missing. From what you've expressed, it doesn't quite seem like that. So, maybe you can worry less about that part.
It sounds reminiscent of some of the experiences WhiteShaman talked about.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2013 18:48:17 GMT -5
I generally don't comment on woo woo experiences, but man, I'm having having some weird ones going on lately. first, this weird phenomenon that I call Visions is happening. When I close my eyes, I'm getting these disconnected visions of things, sometimes it's like a picture of something, a decoration on a fireplace mantle, or a comic bookesc picture of a scene, sometimes it's a color that takes a shape, sometimes a scene happening like memory....it's like these constantly changing pictures that appear and disappear....but what's strange, is I get this feeling that its good for me, like its healing something or doing something undefinable that I need....likes it accomplishing something that I can't nor want to understand, but that has a rightness and need to be done. Almost like its reprogramming me, or deprogramming me or something. Maybe like a computer program that's missing strings of code and glitching, and the code is being repaired, or rewritten or something.....I dunno. The second thing is that I'm tripping a bit....when I was younger and tried DMT and Mushrooms and LSD I would see these kinda glowing fine patterns emerge on the surface of things like my skin or the floor....lately, sometimes when I look at the floor or something, and the mind is still, is like the light reflecting off the floor is about to kinda shimmer into a fine, delicate, living pattern. When I look at stuff, like the trees and sky, there is beauty there, but NO recognition of, or rather, any type of engagement with the beauty. Also, before, I use to have to make a kind of practice at letting the mind be still, now, it seems like a Herculean effort to get the mind to move to do anything or think about anything. This is creating some worry because I have concerns about my capacity to provide for my family....honestly, if that wasn't there I think I'd totally disappear altogether.... but even that intermittent worry, and all the other phenomena of nature, my body, my mind, it's all just a hollow happening to me now. Like I'm a tree that's been hollowed out on the inside...the trunk, branches, and leaves....the air and the sun and environment that the tree is in and all the happenings in that environment are all there but there's nothing left in "here", or within anything else, and there's no soil that the tree is planted in.....it's all a bit like the chicken that somehow impossibly continues to live even though it's head has been cut off. There is a me, but there is no "me". Everything seems foreign as though I've never seen it before, but there is no feeling of discovery or newness that comes when you actually see something for the first time. Its just gone. I'm not being still or observing stillness, I've disappeared, hollowed out....there is no I in there or anywhere. I kinda miss my I....but it's just gone, removed. even my Awareness, my presence of Being or I Amness, (which is still there), is unsupported, hollow, empty, devoid of.... I feel empty, I feel sick, I feel elated, I feel sorrow, I feel loss, I feel remorse at what I may have done to myself and perhaps others by losing myself....but it's all hollow, a happening that is happening to no one or on anything. And it's an effort to hold any of it together, because there is no center to support it, so it's all slipping away like sand through the fingers. I'm not looking for a "meaning", or a validation or invalidation of or for any of this, but I felt really drawn to documenting it somehow. Maybe this all will pass and is just a kind of temporary insanity, but I really feel like something is irrevocably and irretrievably lost....and that my only choice is to continue life, as if it were still there. Sorry to dump all this on you guys, but again, there was an urge to document. Sounds to me like your abiding more in the awareness of the senses of sight, hearing, feelings, sensations and thoughts. It's like your recognizing the freedom that you are, that what you are is independent of what appears in you, including yourself... And more importantly your okay with it and there's no intention to change anything, and the willingness to simply let it all unfold. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2013 20:24:10 GMT -5
Guys I'm sorry but I don't seem to have the Will to put in the effort to do much right now, so I think it's better to conserve whatever I have left for being the best husband I can be right now, and maybe be a more available and doting family guy. I'll try to come back later if this passes. Best wishes to all of you, and thank you for letting me stop by, have a chat, and do some exploring. I wish all of you and your families well being and happiness in each others company. Try to enjoy each others company here too ;-) Though it may not seem like it at times, your similarities far outweigh your differences, your all brothers and sisters, nieces nephews aunts and uncles :-) Love each other Sleep water good food light exercise rinse repeat have a nice weekend |
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Post by silence on Jun 14, 2013 21:02:11 GMT -5
Sounds like a lack of horse stances to me.
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Post by Reefs on Jun 14, 2013 23:21:20 GMT -5
Guys I'm sorry but I don't seem to have the Will to put in the effort to do much right now, so I think it's better to conserve whatever I have left for being the best husband I can be right now, and maybe be a more available and doting family guy. I'll try to come back later if this passes. Best wishes to all of you, and thank you for letting me stop by, have a chat, and do some exploring. I wish all of you and your families well being and happiness in each others company. Try to enjoy each others company here too ;-) Though it may not seem like it at times, your similarities far outweigh your differences, your all brothers and sisters, nieces nephews aunts and uncles :-) Love each other Got some flak from the wife? |
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Post by laughter on Jun 15, 2013 1:24:44 GMT -5
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Post by laughter on Jun 15, 2013 1:44:58 GMT -5
so steve your OP mused out this poem and my wife saw the start of it as we drove up to where we run and she was curious enough that we got into a conversation about woo-woo's and I felt a distinct dissociation in relying on past experience to come up with the explanations ... good times man ...  if you lost the difference between near and far then tether yourself to what you are tether yourself to what you see do you see you? do you see me? look out on the world and know there is nothing there to show that does not come but from within reflections light on head of pin if you've lost the line back to minds keel then tether yourself to what you feel slap your hand upon your knee the sound the sting is what you'll be tether yourself to what you hear the tones that ring out oh so clear echoing up into the night no left turns they all point right to that core the silent place the one where you meet your true face tether yourself to what you taste there is no way that life can waste there are no words that can describe realities bright and true vibe tether yourself to where you are though there be no distance to yonder star forget persepctive near or far tether yourself to what you are. the one other poem that I got that seems to me to fit is this one ...  standing in the storm the snow slaked down so madly I could hear the flakes smashing into one another in mid-air and then finally joining the ones that had gotten to the ground first a soft, gentle cacaphony Was there a reason for this blizzard? Why was I there, just then, to see it? To hear it? To feel it? That sound of the flakes falling It had no meaning, it conveyed no message Not to me anyway It was a remnant of the clash of cold and warm fronts The confluence of two semi-circles on the weather map The encoding of the atmosphere onto the ground A rustling white noise That not all the words ever written could truly describe The flakes that found their way onto my skin Cold and wet Crystal to liquid Snow no more but hardly no more in any real sense Reminding me of body A light kiss from the void Why is snow white? Why is it wet? Why is it cold? Standing in the storm Being there In the white wet wild Being still, simply aware of the chaos in the wind Standing in the storm Is reason enough .... and it's never a bad time to let The Killers supply the soundtrack of our undoing! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2013 17:35:14 GMT -5
buy your wife some flowers ;-) keep your feet on the ground brother
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Post by Reefs on Jun 15, 2013 21:18:13 GMT -5
buy your wife some flowers ;-) keep your feet on the ground brother And no Tibetan Mushroom Soups anymore! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2013 13:46:03 GMT -5
buy your wife some flowers ;-) keep your feet on the ground brother And no Tibetan Mushroom Soups anymore! Haha, I think maybe its already too late for that, I seem to have already been poisoned by that bowl of soup, with no apparent antidote in sight lol |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2013 13:47:19 GMT -5
Thanks for your kind words everyone :-)
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