Post by mamza on Jul 10, 2011 17:13:08 GMT -5
I'd like to share something to maybe get another kick in the rump. It seems like I'm getting very attached to some recent developments and it's likely to make me think 'I've got it.'
So I stare at the wall. For a really long time. Then it feels like the wall is staring back at me. I'm being watched has replaced I am watching.
At this point, I'd like to use some fanciness or something. Anyone familiar with the video game portal will get this immediately--Put a portal on the wall. This is the entry. Put a portal on a wall directly opposite. This is the exit. You have formed an infinite loop to walk through.
This is the only way I can relate what I saw. Me, looking at me as me, minus me. I'm watching myself, minus the I watching myself. Looking at anything is looking at me. And it isn't 'the computer monitor is me' in some ultimate sense. There is this indescribable thing that isn't a thing watching and being watched by everything that can be seen.
Whenever I saw people say 'THIS is IT' or 'I am THAT', it was always imagined as this thing in the world that could be obtained. It was almost like I was separate from the world in some hilariously illogical way. Now it's being interpreted as THIS, right here--this indescribable thing that can only be referred to as 'this' and 'that' because the words are so vague that there's less of a chance to imagine stuff.
Thoughts? The idea that I 'did' this is sort of growing, even though I know intellectually that that isn't the case.
So I stare at the wall. For a really long time. Then it feels like the wall is staring back at me. I'm being watched has replaced I am watching.
At this point, I'd like to use some fanciness or something. Anyone familiar with the video game portal will get this immediately--Put a portal on the wall. This is the entry. Put a portal on a wall directly opposite. This is the exit. You have formed an infinite loop to walk through.
This is the only way I can relate what I saw. Me, looking at me as me, minus me. I'm watching myself, minus the I watching myself. Looking at anything is looking at me. And it isn't 'the computer monitor is me' in some ultimate sense. There is this indescribable thing that isn't a thing watching and being watched by everything that can be seen.
Whenever I saw people say 'THIS is IT' or 'I am THAT', it was always imagined as this thing in the world that could be obtained. It was almost like I was separate from the world in some hilariously illogical way. Now it's being interpreted as THIS, right here--this indescribable thing that can only be referred to as 'this' and 'that' because the words are so vague that there's less of a chance to imagine stuff.
Thoughts? The idea that I 'did' this is sort of growing, even though I know intellectually that that isn't the case.