astarxy
Junior Member
Live and let live
Posts: 54
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Post by astarxy on Jun 17, 2011 22:34:01 GMT -5
I was curious about expectations in relationships, particularly romantic relationships. What role should they play? Are they detrimental or can they be used constructively? How? maby you find an answer or at least a clue in post with the same title as yours... be well..
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Post by therealfake on Jun 17, 2011 23:14:30 GMT -5
I was curious about expectations in relationships, particularly romantic relationships. What role should they play? Are they detrimental or can they be used constructively? How? maby you find an answer or at least a clue in post with the same title as yours... be well.. If you expect it, you won't get it... When you don't expect it, your expectations are realized... And if you can get that paradox, your well on your way to waking up...
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Post by souley on Jun 18, 2011 18:07:15 GMT -5
Say what? You probably expect your partner to fulfill you and make everything happy and OK. But it seems the partner is chosen, and fulfills, the role of pointing out the deepest fears and hidden issues that you have, and by that (as enigma put it) they are your true angels in this journey. My partner is kind of the opposite of myself in many ways, and I struggle with that a bit (more in the past (I hope!)) but I'm really gaining trust in that there is enormous growth in that
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Post by souley on Jun 19, 2011 14:38:46 GMT -5
I'm having some issues with my girl right now, shes having soo much stuff going on, shes working in another city and is busy 24/7. I feel that I need more of her, and I'm very afraid of working out that issue. It's like I want to just be able to let her do her thing, and I don't want to be needy. But at the same time I don't want to release that fear, because if I let go of that I fear that I might not love her or need her anymore. Pretty complex stuff these relationships..
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Post by enigma on Jun 19, 2011 14:50:34 GMT -5
The ONLY way you can love her is if you don't need her.
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Post by souley on Jun 19, 2011 17:47:00 GMT -5
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Post by dreamerkat on Jul 1, 2011 14:59:42 GMT -5
Say what? You probably expect your partner to fulfill you and make everything happy and OK. But it seems the partner is chosen, and fulfills, the role of pointing out the deepest fears and hidden issues that you have, and by that (as enigma put it) they are your true angels in this journey. My partner is kind of the opposite of myself in many ways, and I struggle with that a bit (more in the past (I hope!)) but I'm really gaining trust in that there is enormous growth in that No, I don't expect him to do that. Happiness and contentment are not something I search for from others. But I do/did have some expectations. They were rather vague . . . Spend time with me, have conversations with me, respect me, love me, not cheat on me, walk the path with me . . . All things I was more than willing-and did-give to him. I'm more confused on the give-and-take aspects of relationships . . . He has violated my trust in many ways. We've been separated for five months now, and everything and everyone tells me I should leave. I made vows and while he has broken his, I have never broken mine. Leaving him would end those vows. I'm just confused on if any expectations can be good. Should I just accept giving and not receiving anything in return? Should I accept disrespect, abuse, indifference? What is okay in a relationship? And then I find myself thinking about, if I do leave him, what about a future relationship? How do you approach that with an eye toward avoiding the problems I've had in this relationship? I am not articulating anything well . . .
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Post by therealfake on Jul 1, 2011 17:34:55 GMT -5
The courageous heart is the heart that is always present, regardless of what happens.
If your heart is present only if good things happen, your heart is not yet free, not actualized. You are still a coward, still afraid.
You have a heart, but not yet a courageous heart.
So to have a true relationship, a real relationship means to manifest the courageous heart.
To manifest the courageous heart means to continue loving regardless of the situation. (Diamond Heart Book)
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Post by dreamerkat on Jul 1, 2011 18:54:20 GMT -5
I still love him, but I am not so sure love is enough.
Isn't there a time to say enough is enough? How much neglect should be sustained? Abuse? Cheating? Just stay with it throughout it all, for love?
My decision to leave really has nothing to do with my love for him. I still love him. I do not, however, believe he loves me, despite his claims.
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Post by enigma on Jul 1, 2011 20:48:26 GMT -5
Most relationships are about self love. Various partners will come along, not to show us how we fail to love others well enough, but how we fail to love ourselves well enough, because this self love is a prerequisite to loving others. When "enough is enough" becomes the choiceless choice, then this is self love. As self love settles in, one's own company is enjoyed above all others. Often, within this self acceptance, devoid of need for others, is the seed for the most powerful Love with another; a Love based on acceptance of other. Gratitude, appreciation, the absence of expectation or need, devoid of self interest. This is how Love flows in 'your' absence.
Genuine Love is neither given nor received, it is allowed. It is here already, but it belongs to no-one.
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Post by zendancer on Jul 2, 2011 3:52:09 GMT -5
Dreamerkat: Read Byron Katie's book, "A Thousand Faces of Joy." She is saying the same thing as E., TRF, and others, but some of her lines are priceless and she offers some deep insights into these issues. True love has no expectations and cannot be affected by another person. You may love someone with all your heart, but you may not be able to live with him. Look inside yourself. Trust yourself. Be true to yourself. You know what to do.
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Post by heretic on Jul 3, 2011 10:14:12 GMT -5
The only real difference between romance and relationship, spiritually speaking, has to do with surrender. Surrender comes naturally to two people when they first fall in love. Being lost in the intimate explorations of a delicious romance, couples in the throes of romance have no time to be selfish, no will to distrust. Romance is an exercise in wholeness with no well-defined edges in time and space. Which is an opening into spirit... But if a relationship isn't based on wholeness, the ego(s) come(s) roaring back with a vengeance. So, I've learned to discern the concerns of ego and the spirit. They're incompatible. Ego wants material things, predictable conclusions, continuity, security, and the prerogative to be right when others are wrong. Pursuing these ephemeral goals shuts out another person unless she falls in line with "my" agenda or he realizes that "I" am the important one around here. Just between you and I, I would never surrender to someone's ego. Spirit is not involved in such concerns. It wants being, love, freedom, and creative opportunities. I'll surrender to that any time. At the level of ego, two people cannot want the same thing all the time. Yet at the level of spirit, they cannot help but want the same thing all the time. Making a relationship as extraordinary as falling in love is a great challenge. I have a yogini for a partner, and she never lets me forget this is "my" chosen path to the extraordinary realms. ;D Unleash your Shekinah (also spelled Shekhina, Shekhinah, Shekina, and Shechina), girl!! Men are kinda st-ewe-pid.
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Post by dreamerkat on Jul 3, 2011 11:31:42 GMT -5
I do know what I must do.
Why does it have to be so damnably unpleasant?
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Post by heretic on Jul 3, 2011 11:53:30 GMT -5
I hear ya', dreamerkat. I've been down that road, too. It hurts. Believe me when I say this. It will find you. I've read what you've shared here. Courageous. Of the heart.
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