Post by dragon on Feb 16, 2011 6:49:42 GMT -5
First to introduce myself, my name is Igor, from Croatia, i am age 22.
What is bothering me?
Well since about my 15 i readed books about human nature, about being nature, sense of it all together and so on. I have analitic mind which wants to know everything. but somehow what i wanted most is to understand tho whole mess and why are we put in here.
I readed dozens of spiritual teachers, and never find any of them good. They all complicated so much, and i always believed truth must be simple. First bigger and understanding and let's say different perspective camed while and after reading Eckhart Tole's book ''New earth''.
Then i understanded better my ''pain body'', my ego nature, all problems in my life, at least those inside one were solved, since i understanded why we act so stupid.
But i readed more. Then i camed to text of Steven Norquist named :"What is enlightenment, no, I mean really, like what is it?"
Then, something changed. Popped. I felted, while reading New Earth many times like ''hey now i feel reality better'' and it last for few seconds and maked me so happy.
This was different. For the first tim i felted what i just guessed until then, that everything just are. I know for the theory of being / world which exists, and in the middle something that experiences it and we identify with it, we may call it ego.
It was ''pretty'' cool to know until i really know it. There was no happynes, no love, no any positive or good fellings. Just emptynes. Just be, JUST IS.
Feeling words can't describe. Everything around me started to seem so unimportant. I started to look at things different. Well, may sounds weird, i didn't even looked them as things, rather as one, as i, as everything.
Last morning, i visited to shop. There was car accident and one man was bad hurted. Before, i was terryfied bi it. I was sad. Now i felt some strange feeling like ''hm, one more me, just having different experience. Well ok, if he die, he wan't go anywhere, he already is everywhere and everything already happened''. I just standed like ''wtf what was this mind???'' .
What do you think about it? Is it wrong to think like that?
I can feel that feel of i am everything and i am nothing whenever i want. I just need few seconds of focus.
One more story, my parents was divorced. I have problem that i fear for death of my parents and my closest people very much. Everytime i see my dad i say ''he is alive, great''. Todat i felt ''what if he dies, it is just one more me, with another experience. He can't die because he doesn't exist, and he will exist forever''.
Then i looked at the TV and i felt there is no difference between me and TV. We are one, we are all.
I am **ckin concerned over myself? Am i ok?
They sad enlightement is happines. This is no hapines. I realised everything just is, there is no love, mad, anger, death..we may experience it and give some meaning to it but it changes really nothing in what we are and what everything is. We may love or hate, but that change nothing, nothing happens. We are dead, and we live.
How this can be happynes?
I do not want to feel that way. I know it is true, but i want to left it for someone else. What is the meaning of just being, without experiencing your life? It simply non sense.
I believe what we experience, that is life, and what we feel, love hate etc, should be felt because it life and it is ''me''. Another part of me is just being, which overall ain't so much interesting.
Sometimes when i think or write on this my puls becames faster and i breath pretty fast.
But, if experience is life, and being is just being, state of things, why understanding that make you feel like nothing in your life ain't important?
No thanks, it's nice to feel that i am everything and nothing, as all of everything here, but i want to life my life with all my feelings like i did by now. Anyway, it doesn't change nothing a bit, right?
I want to forget this somehow, to see again good and bad, hate and love.
Again, sure it's nice and weird to feel it, being..but what is the sense in it? Things are putted together in the way that we must feel and life our lives. I don't want to look at feeling inside my as another me, rather as ALL. But that is all and this is me.
Confusing..how to love someone if in another hand you know there is no such things as love? Everything is love, and hate.
Pretty confusing..i will stick to it as something which should be there but not to have much effect in our lives.
If it would have effect, it would destroy one's life. It is awareness, nothing else.
But honestly i wish i never experienced it. It's like blue and red pills in matrix.
Here, i wanted to share my opinions and fears with people on this forum.
I will check for answers daily..have a nice day.
What is bothering me?
Well since about my 15 i readed books about human nature, about being nature, sense of it all together and so on. I have analitic mind which wants to know everything. but somehow what i wanted most is to understand tho whole mess and why are we put in here.
I readed dozens of spiritual teachers, and never find any of them good. They all complicated so much, and i always believed truth must be simple. First bigger and understanding and let's say different perspective camed while and after reading Eckhart Tole's book ''New earth''.
Then i understanded better my ''pain body'', my ego nature, all problems in my life, at least those inside one were solved, since i understanded why we act so stupid.
But i readed more. Then i camed to text of Steven Norquist named :"What is enlightenment, no, I mean really, like what is it?"
Then, something changed. Popped. I felted, while reading New Earth many times like ''hey now i feel reality better'' and it last for few seconds and maked me so happy.
This was different. For the first tim i felted what i just guessed until then, that everything just are. I know for the theory of being / world which exists, and in the middle something that experiences it and we identify with it, we may call it ego.
It was ''pretty'' cool to know until i really know it. There was no happynes, no love, no any positive or good fellings. Just emptynes. Just be, JUST IS.
Feeling words can't describe. Everything around me started to seem so unimportant. I started to look at things different. Well, may sounds weird, i didn't even looked them as things, rather as one, as i, as everything.
Last morning, i visited to shop. There was car accident and one man was bad hurted. Before, i was terryfied bi it. I was sad. Now i felt some strange feeling like ''hm, one more me, just having different experience. Well ok, if he die, he wan't go anywhere, he already is everywhere and everything already happened''. I just standed like ''wtf what was this mind???'' .
What do you think about it? Is it wrong to think like that?
I can feel that feel of i am everything and i am nothing whenever i want. I just need few seconds of focus.
One more story, my parents was divorced. I have problem that i fear for death of my parents and my closest people very much. Everytime i see my dad i say ''he is alive, great''. Todat i felt ''what if he dies, it is just one more me, with another experience. He can't die because he doesn't exist, and he will exist forever''.
Then i looked at the TV and i felt there is no difference between me and TV. We are one, we are all.
I am **ckin concerned over myself? Am i ok?
They sad enlightement is happines. This is no hapines. I realised everything just is, there is no love, mad, anger, death..we may experience it and give some meaning to it but it changes really nothing in what we are and what everything is. We may love or hate, but that change nothing, nothing happens. We are dead, and we live.
How this can be happynes?
I do not want to feel that way. I know it is true, but i want to left it for someone else. What is the meaning of just being, without experiencing your life? It simply non sense.
I believe what we experience, that is life, and what we feel, love hate etc, should be felt because it life and it is ''me''. Another part of me is just being, which overall ain't so much interesting.
Sometimes when i think or write on this my puls becames faster and i breath pretty fast.
But, if experience is life, and being is just being, state of things, why understanding that make you feel like nothing in your life ain't important?
No thanks, it's nice to feel that i am everything and nothing, as all of everything here, but i want to life my life with all my feelings like i did by now. Anyway, it doesn't change nothing a bit, right?
I want to forget this somehow, to see again good and bad, hate and love.
Again, sure it's nice and weird to feel it, being..but what is the sense in it? Things are putted together in the way that we must feel and life our lives. I don't want to look at feeling inside my as another me, rather as ALL. But that is all and this is me.
Confusing..how to love someone if in another hand you know there is no such things as love? Everything is love, and hate.
Pretty confusing..i will stick to it as something which should be there but not to have much effect in our lives.
If it would have effect, it would destroy one's life. It is awareness, nothing else.
But honestly i wish i never experienced it. It's like blue and red pills in matrix.
Here, i wanted to share my opinions and fears with people on this forum.
I will check for answers daily..have a nice day.
