Post by robert on Dec 29, 2010 10:36:49 GMT -5
yesterday i took my dogs for a walk. it has been very cold here, the sun was out and it was a beautiful day. we walked down to the lake and on our way back the dogs started scratching around in the snow. i looked down and felt my body disintegrate. it felt as if all physical parts of me were lying on the ground in a pile like ash. poof. i was gone. i looked back up and there was only looking. i stepped over the pile of my self and walked home. as i was walking home i realized that "o crap, this is what they mean by there is only walking, seeing, whatever." all that i can really say is wow and so what.
and it's not to diminish the wow because it was amazing, like the sense of seeing floating around at my eye level with no emotional ego commentary running through my head, "well, when are so and going to take down their lights? my mailbox is better than THAT one, is lunch ready yet, i wonder who is posting one the forum, my brothers Christmas present was the wrong size, damn these shoes are too small." you know the voice it's probably moving through your head right now. well, that and the physical aspects were gone or at least sent to their room for a time out. so now as my body lies in a pile in my neighbors yard, my only thought is, why me? why now?
a few weeks ago i became so frustrated with this searching that i stopped reading stopped posting basically quit. in full acknowledgment that none of this was or is under my control. because if effort was the necessary ingredient i would have accomplished this years ago. so i simply let go. i had also wasted too much energy fretting over mind, consciousness, awareness, self-realization, enlightenment, and on and on. too much energy considering which teacher was right or wrong as if there could be such a thing.
when i looked back up i knew that all of these different terms and techniques were the bricks and mortar i used to fashion a wall. the wall that was keeping me from seeing the truth.
robert
and it's not to diminish the wow because it was amazing, like the sense of seeing floating around at my eye level with no emotional ego commentary running through my head, "well, when are so and going to take down their lights? my mailbox is better than THAT one, is lunch ready yet, i wonder who is posting one the forum, my brothers Christmas present was the wrong size, damn these shoes are too small." you know the voice it's probably moving through your head right now. well, that and the physical aspects were gone or at least sent to their room for a time out. so now as my body lies in a pile in my neighbors yard, my only thought is, why me? why now?
a few weeks ago i became so frustrated with this searching that i stopped reading stopped posting basically quit. in full acknowledgment that none of this was or is under my control. because if effort was the necessary ingredient i would have accomplished this years ago. so i simply let go. i had also wasted too much energy fretting over mind, consciousness, awareness, self-realization, enlightenment, and on and on. too much energy considering which teacher was right or wrong as if there could be such a thing.
when i looked back up i knew that all of these different terms and techniques were the bricks and mortar i used to fashion a wall. the wall that was keeping me from seeing the truth.
robert