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Post by dominicus on Dec 21, 2010 1:12:23 GMT -5
Will try to summarize this.
Was on a bad path many years ago, a bad break up took me over the edge, depression, sadness, drugs/liquor, thoughts of suicide....so I cried out to God. Next day an old high school friend who happens to be going to school to be a preacher calls me to see if I want to do Bible studies..... talk about Divine intervention!!!
Fast forward 14 months later after meticulous Bible studies, 2-3 times a week, visiting several churches, etc ....was recommended that I do a baptism.
Get Baptized and 3 weeks after wards all types of fireworks happen. Indwelled with the Holy Spirit, mini ego death, see through walls, light within, timelessness, understanding of infinity, additional faculties that go beyond mere intellect and reason are added, etc.
Its practically a rebirth ...but I fight with it, feels like the Holy Spirit leaves me, and left behind is this grand and vast Emptiness-nothingness. It seems dreadful. I try everything to fulfill myself but constantly in the background, though peaceful, is this dreadful emptiness.
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Forward a few years later in this real living Dark Night of the Soul, I start to read material outside of Christianity as far as anything that can guide me toward "Union w/God ...the only seemingly logical solution to this madness at this point.
I come across an Advaita Vedanta book and read a sentence that says, "Just like the thought of rock is not an actual rock, so who you think you are, is not who you are."
Well this just dissected and broke down all of my logic and resulted in a 3-5 second glimpse of Oblivion even though there was no one to glimpse it.
It was the beginning to the understanding of what Union really is. Of course life beckons, family, work, sometimes 7 days a week 12 hours a day, and that just brings one back into the Matrix of Illusion.
Well since that moment almost 2 years ago, there is this HUGE battle where ego wants to remain, but the only logical choice is Ego death permanently.
You see the ego wants to sleep around, get on drugs, act crazy, rob banks, be a international psycho star ........ so to prevent this madness the only way out is this ego death.
The tricky part is, that I know 'I' is just a thought, an illusion, yet I get so lost in the illusion that it becomes difficult to regain the point of view of illusion and dropping the false.
Just wanted to vent......
Anyway glad to be part of these boards
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Post by charliegee on Dec 21, 2010 9:11:31 GMT -5
welcome, I've had a somewhat similar experience though the stimulus was the death of my wife ... I was delivered from lifelong addiction at the time as well ...
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Post by michaelsees on Dec 21, 2010 11:39:07 GMT -5
Praise the Lord!!! No joke! By allowing this "seeking" you truly discover who the "Lord" really is. I know ZD can offer so much more to your post than I so I will just give you a warm welcome hug and as they say in some circles Keep coming back! Michael Will try to summarize this. Was on a bad path many years ago, a bad break up took me over the edge, depression, sadness, drugs/liquor, thoughts of suicide....so I cried out to God. Next day an old high school friend who happens to be going to school to be a preacher calls me to see if I want to do Bible studies..... talk about Divine intervention!!! Fast forward 14 months later after meticulous Bible studies, 2-3 times a week, visiting several churches, etc ....was recommended that I do a baptism. Get Baptized and 3 weeks after wards all types of fireworks happen. Indwelled with the Holy Spirit, mini ego death, see through walls, light within, timelessness, understanding of infinity, additional faculties that go beyond mere intellect and reason are added, etc. Its practically a rebirth ...but I fight with it, feels like the Holy Spirit leaves me, and left behind is this grand and vast Emptiness-nothingness. It seems dreadful. I try everything to fulfill myself but constantly in the background, though peaceful, is this dreadful emptiness. -------------------- Forward a few years later in this real living Dark Night of the Soul, I start to read material outside of Christianity as far as anything that can guide me toward "Union w/God ...the only seemingly logical solution to this madness at this point. I come across an Advaita Vedanta book and read a sentence that says, "Just like the thought of rock is not an actual rock, so who you think you are, is not who you are." Well this just dissected and broke down all of my logic and resulted in a 3-5 second glimpse of Oblivion even though there was no one to glimpse it. It was the beginning to the understanding of what Union really is. Of course life beckons, family, work, sometimes 7 days a week 12 hours a day, and that just brings one back into the Matrix of Illusion. Well since that moment almost 2 years ago, there is this HUGE battle where ego wants to remain, but the only logical choice is Ego death permanently. You see the ego wants to sleep around, get on drugs, act crazy, rob banks, be a international psycho star ........ so to prevent this madness the only way out is this ego death. The tricky part is, that I know 'I' is just a thought, an illusion, yet I get so lost in the illusion that it becomes difficult to regain the point of view of illusion and dropping the false. Just wanted to vent...... Anyway glad to be part of these boards |
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Post by therealfake on Dec 21, 2010 17:48:46 GMT -5
Will try to summarize this. Was on a bad path many years ago, a bad break up took me over the edge, depression, sadness, drugs/liquor, thoughts of suicide....so I cried out to God. Next day an old high school friend who happens to be going to school to be a preacher calls me to see if I want to do Bible studies..... talk about Divine intervention!!! Fast forward 14 months later after meticulous Bible studies, 2-3 times a week, visiting several churches, etc ....was recommended that I do a baptism. Get Baptized and 3 weeks after wards all types of fireworks happen. Indwelled with the Holy Spirit, mini ego death, see through walls, light within, timelessness, understanding of infinity, additional faculties that go beyond mere intellect and reason are added, etc. Its practically a rebirth ...but I fight with it, feels like the Holy Spirit leaves me, and left behind is this grand and vast Emptiness-nothingness. It seems dreadful. I try everything to fulfill myself but constantly in the background, though peaceful, is this dreadful emptiness. -------------------- Forward a few years later in this real living Dark Night of the Soul, I start to read material outside of Christianity as far as anything that can guide me toward "Union w/God ...the only seemingly logical solution to this madness at this point. I come across an Advaita Vedanta book and read a sentence that says, "Just like the thought of rock is not an actual rock, so who you think you are, is not who you are." Well this just dissected and broke down all of my logic and resulted in a 3-5 second glimpse of Oblivion even though there was no one to glimpse it. It was the beginning to the understanding of what Union really is. Of course life beckons, family, work, sometimes 7 days a week 12 hours a day, and that just brings one back into the Matrix of Illusion. Well since that moment almost 2 years ago, there is this HUGE battle where ego wants to remain, but the only logical choice is Ego death permanently. You see the ego wants to sleep around, get on drugs, act crazy, rob banks, be a international psycho star ........ so to prevent this madness the only way out is this ego death. The tricky part is, that I know 'I' is just a thought, an illusion, yet I get so lost in the illusion that it becomes difficult to regain the point of view of illusion and dropping the false. Just wanted to vent...... Anyway glad to be part of these boards Hi dominicus, Fascinating post, you've really been through a lot of stuff. There is so much information there, honestly, it'll take me years to go through it all. So I have just one ask and that is if you would be so kind as to relate the circumstances, surrounding your glimpse of oblivion and what exactly you saw, felt and experienced. I'm really interested in that part.  Thanks in advance. TRF |
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Post by dominicus on Dec 21, 2010 20:34:18 GMT -5
Hey The realfake,
what I really saw, felt, experienced in that oblivion .....well first off its the most difficult thing in the world to describe because no words will do Justice to that and second there was no "Me" to experience "That .....really it was just "That."
I mean I was no different than the room, the chairs in the room, the air, everything Infinite and One. It was just one aspect of "That" ...it was very Grand and never ending. 'I' is what covers "That" up ...I and all of its psychological addictions of revolving thought processes and identifications with feelings, emotions, the senses, the roles played in life, etc.
Since that first glimpse, the glimpses come and go, sometimes while calmly watching Discovery channel, sometimes in between breaths, sometimes just at the moment of waking of from a nap.
As a matter a fact there was this one time I was sooooo physically tired and had just come home for the holidays, actually around this time but a year ago. Having been out of state working for 2-3 months ...I just collapsed into a nap, and went sooooo deep within that nap. 20 Minutes later I wake up, however there is no 'I' ...there is just this unknowingness that was pure and free.
I got up and was looking around but didn't know who I was, where I was, what I was, who the other people in this house were (family) it was 100% pure unknowing ...and about 10 seconds later I literally saw the Construct of 'I' and all of its associations come rolling out of some "hiding place" deep within ....like a rolling ball of butcher knives ....gradually all of this fell back into its usual place of 'I', and being able to label everything, and knowing all those labels, etc.
The glimpses come and go since then. Still there is alot of 'I' that gets in the way of the freedom of the no 'I' state .....though "that" feels like home, like true reality, like whats behind the curtain of all this illusion.
Since I was 4 years old, I always felt something is wrong with all of this existence. You can even see in my birthday vids, all the kids playing, while im occasionally staring off in space, almost contemplating why the heck this is all going on. Well this Union business is home, the No I state is Absolute freedom.
I've even had times where I remembered a pre-existence. Fleeting moments of having been Just a cloud of awareness this is pre-earth programing phase.
Anyway that "State" is beyond words and I was led to all of this through typical Western Evangelical "programing." The Baptism itself was the main pre-cursor that led me to this, and now I see the Eastern religions have their finger more on the button and less obscured then anyone else. Although to me it has always been all about God and Jesus ...but God has happened to be much more beyond anything I ever thought, yet much more present, and much more closer than I thought. God is very well accessible as a living relationship, but it is we that get in the way of God.
However the Oblivion state is quite scary to the ego ...the price of Union w/ God is quite literally all of you, and yet "you" are just a figment of imagination.
I will end this reply by saying that, I think specific to me and my needs, I will require some Super effort such as 1 year of solitude, disciplined life, lots of fasting 10-12 hours a day in meditation, a complete and thorough de-programing of this stubborn Illusion that is the ego. Every other option and the business of life seems to simply reinforce the Illusion.
Plus they all had to go through super efforts for the permanence of no 'I" to be. Jesus, Buddha, the majority of Mystics, Saints, Hermits, etc. It seems the most logical choice
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Post by therealfake on Dec 22, 2010 12:44:56 GMT -5
Hey Dominicus, Good luck on your journey. Remember just one thing, God or the Eternal, is "always" with you... ...or rather, he "is" you.  TRF |
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