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Post by zin on Nov 24, 2015 18:49:08 GMT -5
Your grief for what you've lost lifts a mirror
up to where you're bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here's the joyful face you've been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting
and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.
Rumi
translation C. Barks
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Post by silver on Nov 24, 2015 20:14:07 GMT -5
charlie, you have the makings of a smash hit country song there. Awesome!
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Post by charliegee on Nov 24, 2015 21:03:05 GMT -5
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Post by laughter on Nov 25, 2015 9:19:27 GMT -5
on every leaf
in the heart of any stone
is where you find me
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Post by justlikeyou on Nov 25, 2015 9:37:23 GMT -5
on every leaf in the heart of any stone is where you find me Very nice. Are you open to suggestion? |
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Post by laughter on Nov 25, 2015 9:51:21 GMT -5
on every leaf in the heart of any stone is where you find me Very nice. Are you open to suggestion? .. sure, why knot?  |
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Post by justlikeyou on Nov 25, 2015 10:00:25 GMT -5
Very nice. Are you open to suggestion? .. sure, why knot? I love that the first two lines point in, out and therefore everywhere. The last line could flow a bit smoother me thinks. I get hung up on the "you". My brain wants to say "you'll". I wonder if something like "I am everywhere" would flow better? Justa thought. |
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Post by laughter on Nov 25, 2015 10:38:22 GMT -5
(** facepalm **) .. sure, why knot? I love that the first two lines point in, out and therefore everywhere. The last line could flow a bit smoother me thinks. I get hung up on the "you". My brain wants to say "you'll". I wonder if something like "I am everywhere" would flow better? Justa thought. ha! ha! great minds think alike.  I agree with you that "you'll" works better than "you". My reasoning for going with "you" was that I'd have mixed the rules (syllables or sounds) between the 1st and 3rd lines, as I counted "every" as 3. I also considered something similar to "I am everywhere" as the closer, but as the first two lines are *** pompousness alert ** 2 "dwelling in emptiness", I went with that third as to jerk the reader back to the here and now of direct experience -- from the impersonal to the personal. What's very amusing about all of this is that it took like several minutes for me to type that mess, and it all happened in maybe like 3 secs as it played out.  Poem. officially dead.  R.I.P.    |
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Post by silver on Nov 25, 2015 10:59:29 GMT -5
Ha ha! You know I'm right don't you.  |
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Post by justlikeyou on Nov 25, 2015 14:02:47 GMT -5
I love that the first two lines point in, out and therefore everywhere. The last line could flow a bit smoother me thinks. I get hung up on the "you". My brain wants to say "you'll". I wonder if something like "I am everywhere" would flow better? Justa thought. ha! ha! great minds think alike. I agree with you that "you'll" works better than "you". My reasoning for going with "you" was that I'd have mixed the rules (syllables or sounds) between the 1st and 3rd lines, as I counted "every" as 3. I also considered something similar to "I am everywhere" as the closer, but as the first two lines are *** pompousness alert ** 2 "dwelling in emptiness", I went with that third as to jerk the reader back to the here and now of direct experience -- from the impersonal to the personal. What's very amusing about all of this is that it took like several minutes for me to type that mess, and it all happened in maybe like 3 secs as it played out. Poem. officially dead. R.I.P. Poems, like scripture or words of the wise only point. No need to kill 'em  |
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Post by charliegee on Nov 25, 2015 14:44:16 GMT -5
no, I am not frequenting his forum but I have read some of his books. I'll check it out, thanks.
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Post by zin on Nov 25, 2015 17:38:44 GMT -5
I love that the first two lines point in, out and therefore everywhere. The last line could flow a bit smoother me thinks. I get hung up on the "you". My brain wants to say "you'll". I wonder if something like "I am everywhere" would flow better? Justa thought. ha! ha! great minds think alike. I agree with you that "you'll" works better than "you". My reasoning for going with "you" was that I'd have mixed the rules (syllables or sounds) between the 1st and 3rd lines, as I counted "every" as 3. I also considered something similar to "I am everywhere" as the closer, but as the first two lines are *** pompousness alert **2 "dwelling in emptiness", I went with that third as to jerk the reader back to the here and now of direct experience -- from the impersonal to the personal.
What's very amusing about all of this is that it took like several minutes for me to type that mess, and it all happened in maybe like 3 secs as it played out. Poem. officially dead. R.I.P. vid Maybe a facepalm is needed here but methinks this one has been neglected too much :  |
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Post by charliegee on Dec 3, 2015 6:42:12 GMT -5
sure thing ...
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Post by laughter on Dec 3, 2015 12:58:46 GMT -5
We've all known that you were Jed for months now but just didn't have the heart to break it to you that your cover was blown. |
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Post by charliegee on Dec 3, 2015 23:07:35 GMT -5
damn it...
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R.I.P. 
