Acewall

[acewall]

Sept 11, 2011 16:43:00 GMT -5 @therealfake said:

Sept 11, 2011 5:11:37 GMT -5 acewall said:

Ive just had 2 days depression.
Its been 2 years since I had a massive, blissful satori that allowed me to throw-away the anti dep pills my drs had me-on for years an years, which was making me sicker an sicker.
It was like a flash-back!

Talk about *NOTHING*, that is all-encompassing.

Its sad when you know a cry will turn the wheels inside,
but you cant even raise a tear.

I made myself saw-up a huge gum branch that fell
(wouldve killed 12 people had they been sitting there)
slowly with a small bow-saw and then dragged them
out for a verge collection tommorrow.

I have to get a chainsaw to cut the huge main-branch
an laterals as the bowsaw is only ok for200 dia branches.

I'm just beguining to 'see' the clarity in the world again now
having been far too deep and out of sight.

Nothing is really something
when depression makes one aware of Gravity!
Sometimes I could hardly stand.

What do you guys do
for this mainly 'later-age' complaint?

My Brother,

The aches, pains and gravity, of those of us in later-age, I like that phrase, are a constant manifestation in the awareness.

But that's "OK"

Everything is "OK"

It's when we make something,"Not OK", that it becomes a problem.

When you become aware of the gravity and the seeming heaviness to it and acknowledge it, it will pass on it's own.

It's just another sensation that makes it's way into the awareness and it's "OK".

Like depression, as long as you don't make it "Not OK", it will announce itself to the awareness and if there's no power to sustain it, it will disappear for an hour, or reappear when your doing something else.

If you can't allow yourself to make it "OK", to feel depressed, at least allow yourself to make it "OK" to be "Not OK".

You are whole, complete and perfect...

And yes you are "Nothing" which is "Everything", which is Love, which is...

"OK"

Peace

Thanks Fake!
Ive been adopting this-approach you mention,
but am not quick enuf on the uptake for it to become the solution.
Will keep alert to this approach,
thanks again.

and so

[acewall]

chopping wood(sawing branches with bowsaw)aint as hectic as chopping wood with an AXE as the bowsaw needs to be gently applied to keep the blade from curving off-straightnvertical,
and hense making its diversion into longer distances,
as though it knows the way it wants to go, with force.

I favour short sharp blows with an axe myself, (but not axing)
although, wavering accross the 'middle' by variating the applied-force and 'focussing-there' with the bowsaw, revealled
where depression was not; that is it. Sure thing.

But then the heavy weight of logs upon my shoulder
assisted-gravity to place me back into the consolodated-core,
as i dragged an stacked the branches
with what litte energy I could muster.

This morning, I feel sore
but had a chuckle of an ok, chatting to you guys.

Thanks.

[enigma]

Sept 11, 2011 20:10:38 GMT -5 acewall said:

Sept 11, 2011 12:52:06 GMT -5 enigma said:

That's probly where my concern for you was coming from. Sounds like it has mostly passed?

teetering.
with body pain, i take a pain killer which allows me to mobilise and be practical about the home. Im looking for ways inwhich others have moved through this filemma.
This to undo ones depression.
Get a roll-on with life.
Not a fan of being-hi or maintaining the high-life any longer, having spent most of mylife racing and making money for 'others'.
Boardering retirement.

I don't have experience with long term depression, but possibly that could imply a useful understanding? I dunno.
As I see it, depression is a kind of impotent struggle, like being angry without the movement of anger, or frightened without the movement of fear. As such, it can become entrenched by immobility as immobility is it's essence. A sense of hopelessness about feeling hopeless. A dissatisfaction with one's dissatisfaction. Trapped in one's own bear trap.

It is auspicious in the sense that all escape routes have been blocked with the exception of the one that leads directly to freedom: surrender.

I have experienced hours and occasionally days of depression, as I suspect most have. I never knew depression until it was time for my 'purification'. As I know precisely how it must end, I move fully into it, and wait quietly.(no mind) When it is ready, a movement in the heart, like a opening, perhaps a tear, and it's done. It's treated like a movement of energy in the body that must be allowed. There is no thought of it.

[acewall]

Sept 11, 2011 23:50:05 GMT -5 enigma said:

Sept 11, 2011 20:10:38 GMT -5 acewall said:

teetering.
with body pain, i take a pain killer which allows me to mobilise and be practical about the home. Im looking for ways inwhich others have moved through this filemma.
This to undo ones depression.
Get a roll-on with life.
Not a fan of being-hi or maintaining the high-life any longer, having spent most of mylife racing and making money for 'others'.
Boardering retirement.

I don't have experience with long term depression, but possibly that could imply a useful understanding? I dunno.
As I see it, depression is a kind of impotent struggle, like being angry without the movement of anger, or frightened without the movement of fear. As such, it can become entrenched by immobility as immobility is it's essence. A sense of hopelessness about feeling hopeless. A dissatisfaction with one's dissatisfaction. Trapped in one's own bear trap.

It is auspicious in the sense that all escape routes have been blocked with the exception of the one that leads directly to freedom: surrender.

I have experienced hours and occasionally days of depression, as I suspect most have. I never knew depression until it was time for my 'purification'. As I know precisely how it must end, I move fully into it, and wait quietly.(no mind) When it is ready, a movement in the heart, like a opening, perhaps a tear, and it's done. It's treated like a movement of energy in the body that must be allowed. There is no thought of it.

thanks.
it is as youre saying.

Depr came after a midnight home invasion left me with broken bones and unconcious on the road, where the tussel lead me...
My partner 9 was mths preg at the time;She dragged me off the road incase a car finished me off. Took me two years to accept I was depressed; then I made contact with the medical-proffesion as well as found a zen meditation group here to attend; as i didnt trust the Drs. It was a dam hard black period of my life,(family life) that lit-up a couple of years ago with a satori, which permitted me to see the drugs I was taking were making me worse than i was.
Libido was -100%

I stopped taking the drugs immediately without side effects
and talked the drs 'down' that I was ok.
(their concern was with non-supervised drug withdrawel)

I am frightened to go back-onto chemicals
although have made an appoint tommorrow with my dr to discuss this, mainly because of my Family.

[enigma]

Coinkidentally, I found out yesterday that a friend of a friend is in the hospital for medication related problems, which is not uncommon, so it seems wise to be cautious about such things. I hope you're doing better.

[tathagata]

Sept 12, 2011 1:59:19 GMT -5 acewall said:

Sept 11, 2011 23:50:05 GMT -5 enigma said:

I don't have experience with long term depression, but possibly that could imply a useful understanding? I dunno.
As I see it, depression is a kind of impotent struggle, like being angry without the movement of anger, or frightened without the movement of fear. As such, it can become entrenched by immobility as immobility is it's essence. A sense of hopelessness about feeling hopeless. A dissatisfaction with one's dissatisfaction. Trapped in one's own bear trap.

It is auspicious in the sense that all escape routes have been blocked with the exception of the one that leads directly to freedom: surrender.

I have experienced hours and occasionally days of depression, as I suspect most have. I never knew depression until it was time for my 'purification'. As I know precisely how it must end, I move fully into it, and wait quietly.(no mind) When it is ready, a movement in the heart, like a opening, perhaps a tear, and it's done. It's treated like a movement of energy in the body that must be allowed. There is no thought of it.

thanks.
it is as youre saying.

Depr came after a midnight home invasion left me with broken bones and unconcious on the road, where the tussel lead me...
My partner 9 was mths preg at the time;She dragged me off the road incase a car finished me off. Took me two years to accept I was depressed; then I made contact with the medical-proffesion as well as found a zen meditation group here to attend; as i didnt trust the Drs. It was a dam hard black period of my life,(family life) that lit-up a couple of years ago with a satori, which permitted me to see the drugs I was taking were making me worse than i was.
Libido was -100%

I stopped taking the drugs immediately without side effects
and talked the drs 'down' that I was ok.
(their concern was with non-supervised drug withdrawel)

I am frightened to go back-onto chemicals
although have made an appoint tommorrow with my dr to discuss this, mainly because of my Family.

one option is to just electively shut off the pain like shutting off a lightbulb, it is in your power to do this.

another is to heal yourself with the light and self awareness that is in you...rub your hands together briskly to make heat, then sharply clap your hands together so that your attention is drawn to the warmth and the vibration from the clap into your hands, you partner can do this for you to...then pass the hands over the ailing parts very close without touching...feel a sense of love, wholeness, and a healing energy flowing from your hands into the ailing areas making them whole and healthy...repeat several times a day until you are whole of body, and get up and move around gently reletively often...tell me what time zone your in and what time you usually go to sleep, and I will come and visit you and do a healing while you sleep if you like, its easy with a friend.

[acewall]

Sept 12, 2011 9:50:31 GMT -5 enigma said:

Coinkidentally, I found out yesterday that a friend of a friend is in the hospital for medication related problems, which is not uncommon, so it seems wise to be cautious about such things. I hope you're doing better.

sure thing...
talking openly about that which is deeply personal is always a good means for me to gain a roll-over. Thank you.

If your friend is available for you......
just go sit there.

What i have found is that if one is in the heart space
then words are really not neccessary, the person soon knows youre here, and responds to fellowship.

[acewall]

Sept 12, 2011 18:26:09 GMT -5 tathagata said:

Sept 12, 2011 1:59:19 GMT -5 acewall said:

thanks.
it is as youre saying.

Depr came after a midnight home invasion left me with broken bones and unconcious on the road, where the tussel lead me...
My partner 9 was mths preg at the time;She dragged me off the road incase a car finished me off. Took me two years to accept I was depressed; then I made contact with the medical-proffesion as well as found a zen meditation group here to attend; as i didnt trust the Drs. It was a dam hard black period of my life,(family life) that lit-up a couple of years ago with a satori, which permitted me to see the drugs I was taking were making me worse than i was.
Libido was -100%

I stopped taking the drugs immediately without side effects
and talked the drs 'down' that I was ok.
(their concern was with non-supervised drug withdrawel)

I am frightened to go back-onto chemicals
although have made an appoint tommorrow with my dr to discuss this, mainly because of my Family.

one option is to just electively shut off the pain like shutting off a lightbulb, it is in your power to do this.

another is to heal yourself with the light and self awareness that is in you...rub your hands together briskly to make heat, then sharply clap your hands together so that your attention is drawn to the warmth and the vibration from the clap into your hands, you partner can do this for you to...then pass the hands over the ailing parts very close without touching...feel a sense of love, wholeness, and a healing energy flowing from your hands into the ailing areas making them whole and healthy...repeat several times a day until you are whole of body, and get up and move around gently reletively often...tell me what time zone your in and what time you usually go to sleep, and I will come and visit you and do a healing while you sleep if you like, its easy with a friend.

"one option is to just electively shut off the pain like shutting off a lightbulb, it is in your power to do this."
true, this i did the moment i realised i was about to connect with the 'road' moving at high speed....but at the time the kundalini was arising and this made that possible, to dissappear before impact!

The 'rubbing of the hands' and self-healing i will get onto.....
currently 'spring is still arriving here' and as im always covered with warm-clothes, this activity would be hindered.

When Suns-up,
i laid outside naked as a new born and soaked-inside the suns heat, which as a meditation works similar.
Thank you for your suggestions.

If you wanna come astrally, youre welcome here.
Right now, at time of writing,
the time is 8,08AM tues 13th Sept.

I rise about 6AM.

Thank you brother.

[acewall]

What Im going to do today, is see the Dr about depr groups, to see if I can locate some folk
who are 'working with themself' to unlock these inner mysteries of depression.
ie, 'No-drugs than you!'

Learning to die to myself is where i Am at!

If there is no-self, then I am diving into IGNORANCE.....
all i know is that confronting-myself has proven to be a blissfullness experience.......
so into the deep-dark heart of ignorance i goes for solutions
to the age old problem of the dark night of the soul!

[therealfake]

Sept 12, 2011 19:51:17 GMT -5 acewall said:

Learning to die to myself is where i Am at!

Yes,

If you can make an ally out of that which is stalking all of us, your depression will run for the hills next time it shows it's face...

What does depression have to offer you, when you have death as a friend sitting beside you?


Peace

[acewall]

Sept 12, 2011 21:55:32 GMT -5 @therealfake said:

Sept 12, 2011 19:51:17 GMT -5 acewall said:

Learning to die to myself is where i Am at!

Yes,

If you can make an ally out of that which is stalking all of us, your depression will run for the hills next time it shows it's face...

What does depression have to offer you, when you have death as a friend sitting beside you?


Peace

Im hoping your YES is alluding to this 'form of surrender'.

I have lived a life of going straight-towards Ppl and their things that threaten my existance. Surely, there must be someone that has transcended(gone through) depression that has a few clues.
With the many knock-backs in life that i have had to date, ive learnt to capitalise(spiritually)from negative events.
Not get rich with dollars(which would be great) but always come out of things more alive than before i went in. Knowledge gained is a great thing.

I'll make DEATH my friend.
thank you for that!

The Dr visit came off ok; she's a good listener.
I'm off to the Mental Institution as soon as they can understand my case....she's sent them a referral.LOLolo,
if i stop posting all of a sudden....i'll be wearing
one of their white straight-jackets!
lol
;D

[enigma]

Well, check in once in a while with your elbows, even if it looks like this: gre tyj59j gkla gg hlkr g!

[acewall]

Sept 12, 2011 23:48:52 GMT -5 enigma said:

Well, check in once in a while with your elbows, even if it looks like this: gre tyj59j gkla gg hlkr g!

you really did use your elbows.....


cxd,. rfedti ;D

[Deleted]

skkmdxkm bnxz0

in solidarity, Acewall!

c xv1

actually, I meant insolidarity!

[Peter]

Sept 12, 2011 23:21:14 GMT -5 acewall said:

I'm off to the Mental Institution as soon as they can understand my case....she's sent them a referral.LOLolo,
if i stop posting all of a sudden....i'll be wearing
one of their white straight-jackets!

I spent a week locked up against my will in one of those places, so I sympathise. Much easier to keep a hold of the reigns, than it is to try and pick them up after the horses have bolted. Did they really need 8 guys to hold me down? Honestly, you ask an innocent question like "what year is this?" and suddenly you're pinned down with your trousers round your ankles and there's a needle going into your arse. But I'm not bitter.

Of my experience that week I can tell you that I made a lot of people a lot of cups of tea, and found talking to the other patients far more worthwhile than talking to any of the medical staff.

Good luck with it, do stay in touch.

P

PS noltg so dikfvfvikcujl.tg mabye i have boney elboews"!