jazz
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Posts: 197
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Post by jazz on Nov 14, 2010 9:48:17 GMT -5
Hey. I'm new here and wanted to share about my spiritual experience. I see myself as an alcoholic and I've been in AA for almost 15 months. As a result of taking the 12 steps of AA I've come to experience a profound difference in myself and how I perceive the world around me and other people. It's hard to explain with words but today I can honestly say that I have no desire to drink or drug anymore and I feel better than ever. When taking the steps in AA, you come in contact with a higer power through belief (call it god, the universe or whatever) and then you do some written inventory. The 4th step is all about getting to know yourself, the ego that is, through examining your past. You take a look at your resentments, which alcoholics usually have a lot of, and then you write down your own faults in the different examples. For example, "I'm mad at Jeff because he said I was a dork (and meant it!)". When you look at yourself honestly you find that it's just pride and selfcenterdness that is actually "wrong". You find that your sense of self worth has been threatened and maybe your personal relations. Perhaps some dishonesty as well, since you had called him a dork a few weeks ago as well. When you look at your past life in this manner and write everything down, you get a whole new idea and sense of "what you are". For me it was such a huge relief to see myself through my faults, so to speak, that all resentments vanished. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it felt like a huge burden had been lifted. Specially after the 5th step, when I shared my 4th step with a sponsor, it was like I had emptied a bag of dirt. I was physically ill for two days. I'm currently in my 9th step making amends to people I've hurt and also this step is significant. It's like cutting the chains to your past loose, making you able to "start anew". What I've found is that my ego is the problem. It has been very sick and so full of BS. I still write daily inventories to keep it in check and it's keeping me very happy when I do so. To see my own faults when I try to blame it on others, makes everything vanish - like dew when exposed to sunlight. So just wanted to share what for me has been a profound spiritual experience. Direct experience if you will. Oh, another thing that has crept in is Gratitude I've started to meditate a few months ago (bought True meditation by Adyashanti on Itunes), and have become more interested in awakening and enlightenment as a result of doing the 12 steps. In a way it feels like awakening but I'm not sure if it's the kind of awakening you guys talk about. Anyway, I'm glad to have found this forum and hope to stick around for some time. It's interesting, to say the least.
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Post by skyblue on Nov 14, 2010 12:32:16 GMT -5
Congratulaions Jazz. Good work! 12 step work has been very important in my life. Working the steps creates miracles and I credit recovery programs as a vital part of my spiritual growth. I see most spiritual work occuring in steps and 12 step has been a great learning experience for me which I know has led me to the discovery of nonduality.
Keep up the good work...one day at at time....
Sky
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mits
Junior Member
Posts: 92
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Post by mits on Nov 14, 2010 13:12:09 GMT -5
I think I had a peak experience a while ago and if I can remember it was the in the year 2006 and I was reading On Having No Head By Douglas Harding. Brooding and reflecting over it as it utterly made no sense but then it finnaly clicked I was out one day walking when a glimps occured: I realized I existed long before the this body came into existence and will continue to exist after this body.
If I can think of any more I will post them directly...soon.
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Post by michaelsees on Nov 14, 2010 14:31:03 GMT -5
Hi Jazz welcome and congrats on your sobriety. You might find this person quite a help. He's a fairly well know teacher of nonduality that has put together some amazing programs that bring a lot to the recovery process and much more. Scott Kiloby being a addict himself has done a amazing job with his recovery process and also endorses a few other programs. check this link out if you want to know more www.kiloby.com/recovery.phppeace Michael
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jazz
Full Member
Posts: 197
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Post by jazz on Nov 14, 2010 18:14:58 GMT -5
Thank you! I've never felt that I could take the credit for my recovery, it has from the beginning been as if something else led me to the rooms of AA. Of course, I would like to think that it was god and in fact it is what I believe, although I have no idea how this god operates or what "it" is. I'm from a small "Christian" country in Europe, btw, so I'm inclined to Christianity. There has been inner conflict, and still is, about abandoning my Christian beliefs for Buddhism (or non duality, Oneness), and it has made me a bit sad and disappointed and maybe fearful to find that Buddhism and Christianity don't seem to match at all. I know that these are just religions and beliefs but I'm still young in this path and I still have fear of hell and a punishing God following me around. So I've tapped into this great power that spirituality is, and now I'm kinda feeling my way, trying to settle down somewhere, so to speak. I know that I need to drop the beliefs and thoughts, but there's something inside of me that feels guilt if I were to abandon, say, prayer. Is prayer illusory? I reality, I just want the truth. That's what I think and feel. That has always been what I want and that is what I'm after when I come here. A part of me believes that it knows the truth when heard and another part of me feels it should "stick" to some basic principles and ideas, like Jesus as the savior of the world. I feel guilt if I should abandon that belief, u know? So yeah, just being honest here, and I'm still young on this path, but I'm gonna stick around for a while and see what happens Thanks again.
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Post by michaelsees on Nov 14, 2010 18:23:58 GMT -5
ZD where are you? I could comment for him but you are much better with this kind of thing.
Jazz you are in a good community here. Like you said good to stick around a while to see if it resonates with you.
peace Michael
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Post by enigma on Nov 14, 2010 20:04:07 GMT -5
"it has made me a bit sad and disappointed and maybe fearful to find that Buddhism and Christianity don't seem to match at all."
True, and yet Jesus and Buddha realized precisely the same Truth, and were pointing the that Truth, and in fact ARE that Truth. It would be necessary to dig very deep into both popularized belief systems to get to their core, where they merge into one teaching.
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Post by zendancer on Nov 14, 2010 20:06:52 GMT -5
Jazz: Check your email.
Michael: Yep. I've got a couple of books that Jazz might enjoy that are Christian but point to the non-duality commonly termed "Mystical Christianity." Of course, if one goes deep enough, all ideas must be left behind. The truth is beyond Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and any other ism. After seeing the truth, one can return to Buddhism or Christianity, but it isn't quite the same as before. LOL
I can understand Jazz's concern because I experienced the same kind of thing at one time. Most fundamentalist traditions grasp the mind in a kind of death-grip, and create thought processes that are very difficult (and frightening) to escape. I know this because I grew up in one of those traditions. People who grow up in families with a laid-back attitude toward religion can't imagine the effect that a "fire and brimstone" type of indoctrination has upon young people.
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Post by zendancer on Nov 14, 2010 21:03:22 GMT -5
"it has made me a bit sad and disappointed and maybe fearful to find that Buddhism and Christianity don't seem to match at all." True, and yet Jesus and Buddha realized precisely the same Truth, and were pointing the that Truth, and in fact ARE that Truth. It would be necessary to dig very deep into both popularized belief systems to get to their core, where they merge into one teaching. Jesus said, "I and my Father are One." The Buddha said, "In all the universe I am the only One." Kabir said, "Behold, only One in all things." Nisargadatta said, "I am THAT." Bankei said, "There is only the Unborn." Tae Heng Se Nim said, "Realization of the One Mind is the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega of the cosmos." Ryokan said, "In all ten directions of the universe, there is only one truth." Wu-men said, "The Great Way has no gate; there are a thousand paths to it. If you pass through the barrier, you walk the universe alone. Different words, but the same realization.
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louij
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by louij on Nov 15, 2010 1:23:02 GMT -5
Family structure mother christian re-born out of methodist........ father jewish lost nearly all his family in the camps.... children not encouraged to do jewish, me, the daughter, zen, satsangi, hindu, jewish, christian.....teehee wide perspective, open vibrant...... brother, reborn charismatic ... does not speak to me....... strange......... love should embrace the all of us..... we are just different flavours, like rockyroad icecream.......vs.... vanilla.....
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louij
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by louij on Nov 15, 2010 1:25:32 GMT -5
for jazz, i come out of the flowerchildren era........ been in institutions ..... have tried suicide three times........ i am.... still here. Cut yourself some serious compassion and meditation will arrive as warmth and sustaining, there is huge love energy when we quiet down. You will cry a lot as you unburden and allow your own child innocence to pilot you..... you have on a great adventure, into the heartland.... i send you warp speed love... louij
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jazz
Full Member
Posts: 197
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Post by jazz on Nov 15, 2010 12:14:35 GMT -5
Thank you louij I know I have embarked on a great adventure I get almost as excited as I used to get when I was about to drink. This is just so much better and more fulfilling then alcohol or drugs ever were. I wasn't aware back then that this spiritual world existed, but I was pretty sure that I needed to quit the drugs and alcohol, and I was gonna do it on my own and from that some kind of spiritual awakening would just happen without any effort from my side. Didn't happen and I drank again and again. Then I found AA and the steps, and it's been one way since then. Away from the old me into this great journey of spirituality and self discovery. I'm lucky, I reckon. Not everyone who's a 30 years old alcoholic gets to go on this journey and I still scratch my head when I ask myself "why me?". Just enjoy it and go with the flow, I guess
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Post by charliegee on Nov 15, 2010 12:55:24 GMT -5
hey Jazz, welcome ... I'm a sixty-four year-old drug addict who was delivered from my addiction shorthly after my wife, Maryann, passed away ... I prayed a prayer that I had prayed countless times before ... it amounted to saying, 'I don't know what I'm doing but I trust that You do. Please save me from drugs and from myself.' looking back now, it seems I'm watching a movie about someone else's life ... that's how distanced I am from that kind of life and it's way of thinking ... I am a life-long Christian who feels a need to go further ... to question my existence has always been a habit of mine ... God or however you call the positive force in the universe has freed me from one level of captivity and urges me on to greater and greater freedom ... wishing you well and if you want to communicate further, my e-mail is listed on the site ...
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Post by karen on Nov 15, 2010 13:20:04 GMT -5
I know that these are just religions and beliefs but I'm still young in this path and I still have fear of hell and a punishing God following me around. I didn't have a fear of hell, but I did have generalized fear of the path I was heading down when I started, and it seemed to help to play an audio version of "A Course in Miracles" while I slept. I did the same with a copy of "I AM THAT". I just kept the volume super low and ran them in a loop; it seemed to have helped. It at least eased my fears a bit.
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Post by peanut on Nov 15, 2010 20:27:13 GMT -5
Hi jazz...welcome...have found this community invaluable. And congrats on your sobriety.
Lightmystic...thanks for wonderful thread.
Too many experiences to share ;-) Something did occur this summer. i stretched while drinking coffee outside in the wilds of Maine and instantly realized that "i' didn't do it. Have been on this path for years and years. That was the beginning and more realizations continued and still do. There is no Me and there never was. Suffering only occurs if i believe there is an i and if that i believes her thoughts. A little convoluted but there is it. Since the summer a deepening has occurred. Grateful beyond words. What looks out of these eyes is the same thing that looks out of yours.
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