The "X"

[karen]

At 18 I met a gal who told me she could see an "X" when she closed her eyes. Come to think of it, someone else told me about it, and it made it sound creepy...

Anyway, I made sure to avoid looking for it for years.

It didn't occur to me that not wanting to look into myself was why I didn't want to look for the "X", and that this was indicative of a greater problem.

As a side note: I now can see the "X" but I'm not sure if it's a structural feature of the brain, or simply my imagination creating it. Regardless I look dead center down the middle of the "X" when meditating sometimes with much benefit.

[giannis]

I 've never noticed it, and can't notice it now neither.

[karen]

It's not really important. What's important though is turning a blind eye on our inner world. That can cause problems.

[fear]

I don't close my eyes when meditating. Instead of focusing on the X or something visual, I focus only on my breath.

I think people close their eyes to minimize distractions but I find that thoughts will attempt to distract you anyway so there's plenty of distractions besides just visual distractions.

Mastering meditation is being able to focus on just one thing and not pay attention to anything else.

I guess for you it's the X, and the times when you've focused on only the X and nothing else, is where you've benefited.

I've read that the meditation posture has to be a little uncomfortable. The little bit of discomfort becomes the focus and because it's uncomfortable you can't help but just focus on it. It's like an uncomfortable stretch, you can't wait for it to be over but it's not painful, just uncomfortable. Eventually you sink into a place where you accept the discomfort and find an inner place of stillness. That sounds so cliche.

[robert]

i think that one must be careful what one decides is important. i can and do see a great deal whether my eyes are open or closed, but the truth lies beyond any vision. i spent too much time distracted by the veils of this place.

[karen]

Thanks for all the advice and reminder. Though I don't think this thread was understood.

[robert]

i reread the entire thread and i see what you mean. all that i was saying and saying poorly i might add is that even our interior life can be full of illusion. sorry for the misunderstanding.

[karen]

Robert you were right to point to not over valueing insights. It is itself an important insight.

My thanks again!

[fear]

Don't think that your thread was not understood. You were just relaying a problem you had with not wanting to look inside yourself. What more can be said about that?

I was more interested in your style of meditation rather than whatever personal problems you may have.

[karen]

Mostly now I've just been dropping thoughts, sense (to varying degrees) feelings of place and lastly the sense of self. I do that and then stuff comes rushing back in, so I repeat. Over and over - for hours if need be.

My boyfriend and I run a pipe organ service business, and I'm the person who sits at the console and holds keys while he tunes the pipes. At some churches I'll be sitting at the bench for 1-7 hours or so with nothing to do but pay focused attention to the voice of my partner who shouts out instructions. It would be considered terribly boring since not only am I sitting there for hours, but I can't drift off in a day dream (he doesn't like that ) - I have to be ready to hit the right key right away.

I took the job after an awakening of sorts, thinking that it would be perfect. And it really has. For most of the time we've been working together, I haven't handled the job well. Sometimes I felt like banging my head against the keys. I'd dread certain accounts that were all day gigs (as apposed to 1-2 hour 8 rank accounts).

But now I've turned a corner and when similar thoughts come up, I let them go.

I seem to have momentum at this point. But any thoughts that you or others have, I'm open to them. You are right, no need to slavishly follow the original topic.