M

[m]

Bonjour!

I am french so forgive my poor english speaking.

I like the whole idea of this blog and forum.
being a kind of old timer on the so called "spiritual search" what's happenning nowadays is very surprising to me.

I started to consciously wonder about the" reality of reality" around 1965. Doubting (for the least) my knowledge at the time. No need to say at that time, at least, in France, I was very, very lonely

And today.... Enlightened people and teachers every corner of the street!! ... What happened ?!

In the between, I met many (or pretending to be) holy people (mostly in France and in India), I had mainly only two good teachers: Hubert Benoit (*1) and Herakhan Bolé Baba ("Baba Ji"). I did appreciate Douglas Harding as well. Partulary for his teaching tools and his humour.

I must admit, according to me, even though I had a lot of fancy and very interesting experiences and understandings, I did'nt move an inch. I am still as much driven by egotism (fear, auto-delusion, suffering, and so...)

BUT..... when I happen to meet and/or listen, read so-called enlightenened people, I don't find they are that much different from me... (Two exceptions: Amma (Mata Amritananda Mayi, whom I respect a lot and whom I just don't know ( or believe to know) "where she is" and Bernadette Roberts whom I am very curious about)

SO NOW.... I doubt my my doubting my knowledge...

That is why I am very much interested in your all teaching me where I blew it.

Although E-mails are not the most easy way to communicate what is already a real challenge to communicate. I am willing to give it a try...

Looking forward for your teaching me (no kidding!)
M
(*1)Hubert Benoit: I had many encounters with him from 1970 to 1975 (somes of them I taped) and it was a surprise when I discovered what some people say about him in the US. He would be as well

[zendancer]

M: Welcome to the forum. When you get a chance, tell us about your current understanding or how your past understanding has evolved. You may understand much more than you realize. At any rate you'll find lots of people on this forum willing to offer you whatever help and advice they can.

[m]

Zendancer, I thank you for your welcoming me.

I understand writing, speaking, communicating is very important for many reasons, one of them being that you come to know what you really understand and what you don't.

Now, what I may understand, at one point, may have very little to do with what is, in fact, in reality. And that is the always-to-be-questioned relation between the map and the territory.

But, to start with, willing to answer you the best I can, I first need to know a little more specifically what you mean by "understanding" and understanding "what" ?
I may otherwise dive into a whole lot of junks which may have nothing to do whith what you are kind enough to inquire about.

BUT, by your asking me the way you asked, you already triggered something out of me. As soon as I red your mail, I knew "understanding" was absolutly not what I had in mind-heart-body.
"Understanding comes and goes, progress and regress. I always find it interresting but, time passing by, less and less important. In a way I could say : "I dont want to stand anymore under understanding(s). I want and need much more even if I don't know what.

For more than a year now, I sensed-felt that even "enlightnement"(as if I knew what enlightnement was!) is a trap. And this is may be why I am curious about Berndatte Roberts 's "No-Self". All of this, being for me very desorienting because I think I am even not on a way to enlighnenment (No-Ego) to begin with.

Did I succeeded in letting you know what I mean about where I am?
If you have any clue, thank you to let me know in return.
m

[zendancer]

M: Whether it appears that way or not your disorientation is a very good sign. Your wanting and needing much more than conventional (intellectual) understanding is evidence that the tiger has you in her mouth. Yes, you did succeed in letting me know where you are. Check your email. Cheers. ZD

[runstill]

Hi M, welcome to the board. You have a very interesting life.

I hope you can share more of your experiences. I think you will find

very good help here. Zendancer and Enigma are two members that

convey very clear spiritual pointers. I am looking forward to your dialog

with them.

Cheers

[m]

Thank you runstill.

Yes I have the feeling this site and forum is authentic; and Zendancer is somebody I can relate to. All of that is a real gift to me.
Few minutes ago I had the idea of starting o "spiritual learner site" for people like me who will ever be beginner on the path. :-)) I will not do it, I don't know enough :-)))...
m

[zendancer]

M:

After I read your story, I had to go for a long silent walk. I didn't want to think for a while. What I am going to say applies to everyone, not just you. Your life has been an incredible and somewhat frenetic adventure, but now it is probably time to stop, slow down, and find the ground under your feet. My advice is to put away books for a while because you have read enough books. There is no need to visit any more teachers because you have met more than enough teachers. Let go of all your ideas about money, the environment, the "modern world," spirituality, spiritual masters, philosophy, religion, and everything else; you have entertained enough ideas to last a lifetime.

If you want to go to a Christian monastery in the Pyrenees, that's okay, but don't take anything with you. Leave everything behind. Your body is all that you need. Take the body, but let go of the mind. The body knew when it was time to go to India, and it knew when it was time to come back to France. The body is directly connected to God, so put your attention there. It always knows what to do. "You" do not control the body; God does. The body knows when to eat and when to sleep. It knows when to go to the bathroom and when to breathe. Pay attention to the body and it will lead you home.

If you go to the mountains, spend some time each day walking uphill and downhill. Put your attention on how the body feels and what it does. Feel how it walks and how it moves. Don't try to understand anything. Just watch and feel. Keep your attention upon what is physical.

You have had several unity-consciousness experiences. Those were experiences of "what is." After they ended, you overlooked the "what is" that continued. "What is" includes everything--both amazing experiences of connectedness as well as ordinary everyday experiences that are part of normal human life. Do not seek the extraordinary. Forget about mystical experiences, NLP, rebirthing, personal growth, life coaching, and all the rest of it. Let go of your entire story. It is the story of someone who never existed. It is a story, only--a figment of imagination. Reality is all that matters, so put your attention there.

Let go of the past, let go of the future, and let go of the present. Look at the body and feel the body. It is a doorway to the truth. Forget meditation. Focus on the body. It will take you back to your childhood and far beyond. If you need to work and make some money, take a simple job that doesn't require a great deal of abstract thought.

Give up the quest for enlightenment and spiritual understanding. Relax. Take a break. Become silent. Be still. Be ordinary. Pay attention to the body. It is real. Get into the body until you and the body are one. Leave the mind behind. Only don't know. Stay with not-knowing. Become so empty and unknowing that there is nothing left but what is seen and heard. That's the best advice I can give you.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write about your experiences, but don't think of your experiences in a negative sense. There are no implications. You have always done precisely what you had to do. Every moment is new, and it is impossible to know what will happen next. I suspect that your writing on this forum may help many people. Best wishes and when you get a chance, tell us about the monastery in the Pyrenees. Is it run by Carthusian monks or is it a different order? Take care.

[m]

Just so.
This is what I feel for and this is what I will do.
Thank you Zendancer.

The monastory is Abbaye St Martin du Canigou stmartinducanigou.org/francais/index2.htm
The people in there are belonging to La communauté des Béatitudes beatitudes.org/

m

[louij]

hey m, yes, i read your note....... lean in....... welcome to this diverse page......... louij

[m]

I am going tomorrow for my retreat.
To all of you thank you, Merry Chrismas and Happy new year!
m

[zendancer]

m: Best wishes on your retreat. As they say on submarines, "Run silent, run deep." Give us a shout after you re-surface. ZD