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Post by silver on Dec 12, 2012 11:19:11 GMT -5
I'm posting here, because my own thread is exploded with thousend messages and I cannot follow it anymore. Not only that I'm so lost in my own life, the extreme fear of death and rebirth and the unvertainity if I'm the only one looking into this world drives me crazy. How can I find the truth, Portto ? I feel like I wander around in utter darkness, not knowing where I should go or what needs to be done. I have lost all the interest and desires in becoming somebody or having financial wealth. All these things which I sought in the past are nonsense, empty. It has no value anymore. Life is a show of smoke and mirrors. I cannot stand this emptiness anymore.  Maybe you could look at this being lost in your own life like being lost in a very large store or mall. You know for sure that you will eventually find where you want to be - you're just temporarily turned around. Some here think I'm not genuinely interested in learning whatever it is they say peeps that come here look towards learning, but I am. I'm just unconcerned about my own 'lostness' - Sure, my views will probably be looked upon with contempt by some, but I am also relatively unconcerned with how others may see me. I'm pulling for ya. |
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Post by topology on Dec 12, 2012 11:24:32 GMT -5
The "personal self" tends to be heavy. When the scary self-thoughts stop, there can be lightness. Just as there is no "personal self," there are no others either. People going to satsangs and people who never analyze themselves are the same being you are. First find the truth about your own being and then see what happens with the others. I'm posting here, because my own thread is exploded with thousend messages and I cannot follow it anymore. Not only that I'm so lost in my own life, the extreme fear of death and rebirth and the unvertainity if I'm the only one looking into this world drives me crazy. How can I find the truth, Portto ? I feel like I wander around in utter darkness, not knowing where I should go or what needs to be done. I have lost all the interest and desires in becoming somebody or having financial wealth. All these things which I sought in the past are nonsense, empty. It has no value anymore. Life is a show of smoke and mirrors. I cannot stand this emptiness anymore. It's all in your mind, Freddy. Quiet the mind through whatever technique you like. Each day just do what needs to be done for that day. And that's it. |
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Post by enigma on Dec 12, 2012 11:36:26 GMT -5
The "personal self" tends to be heavy. When the scary self-thoughts stop, there can be lightness. Just as there is no "personal self," there are no others either. People going to satsangs and people who never analyze themselves are the same being you are. First find the truth about your own being and then see what happens with the others. I'm posting here, because my own thread is exploded with thousend messages and I cannot follow it anymore. Not only that I'm so lost in my own life, the extreme fear of death and rebirth and the unvertainity if I'm the only one looking into this world drives me crazy. How can I find the truth, Portto ? I feel like I wander around in utter darkness, not knowing where I should go or what needs to be done. I have lost all the interest and desires in becoming somebody or having financial wealth. All these things which I sought in the past are nonsense, empty. It has no value anymore. Life is a show of smoke and mirrors. I cannot stand this emptiness anymore. The truth you seek is in the emptiness you fear, so it's hard to say something has gone wrong. There can be a subtle 'removal' of the one who dreads the emptiness, and what remains is the truth, which cannot be removed. It does get quite subtle, though, so you may need to relax a bit to get a sense of it. Right now, in this precise moment, everything is okay. |
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Post by freddy on Dec 12, 2012 12:57:54 GMT -5
I'm posting here, because my own thread is exploded with thousend messages and I cannot follow it anymore. Not only that I'm so lost in my own life, the extreme fear of death and rebirth and the unvertainity if I'm the only one looking into this world drives me crazy. How can I find the truth, Portto ? I feel like I wander around in utter darkness, not knowing where I should go or what needs to be done. I have lost all the interest and desires in becoming somebody or having financial wealth. All these things which I sought in the past are nonsense, empty. It has no value anymore. Life is a show of smoke and mirrors. I cannot stand this emptiness anymore. The truth you seek is in the emptiness you fear, so it's hard to say something has gone wrong. There can be a subtle 'removal' of the one who dreads the emptiness, and what remains is the truth, which cannot be removed. It does get quite subtle, though, so you may need to relax a bit to get a sense of it. Right now, in this precise moment, everything is okay. Nothing is okay, Arcanum. It scares me to death that I am the one who will always see the suffering, pain and misery in front of me and there will never be an escape. I'm forever doomed to suffering and even enlightenment isn't an escape from it because in the next dream I re-identify with the arising person and the show will go on. Where is the exit ? It is a futil game, life is a futile game. You will turn around endlessly searching for something. Even in your deathbed you are hoping that life will go on and your stupid desires are fullfiled soon. How utterly futil is this game ? It is a game you cannot win and even suicide is no option. "A stupid death brings forth a stupid birth." Niz I can only lie on the floor, hammering with my hand on it and weeping in many tears... |
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Post by topology on Dec 12, 2012 13:12:58 GMT -5
The truth you seek is in the emptiness you fear, so it's hard to say something has gone wrong. There can be a subtle 'removal' of the one who dreads the emptiness, and what remains is the truth, which cannot be removed. It does get quite subtle, though, so you may need to relax a bit to get a sense of it. Right now, in this precise moment, everything is okay. Nothing is okay, Arcanum. It scares me to death that I am the one who will always see the suffering, pain and misery in front of me and there will never be an escape. I'm forever doomed to suffering and even enlightenment isn't an escape from it because in the next dream I re-identify with the arising person and the show will go on. Where is the exit ? It is a futil game, life is a futile game. You will turn around endlessly searching for something. Even in your deathbed you are hoping that life will go on and your stupid desires are fullfiled soon. How utterly futil is this game ? It is a game you cannot win and even suicide is no option. "A stupid death brings forth a stupid birth." Niz I can only lie on the floor, hammering with my hand on it and weeping in many tears... There is no hope of escape. Once you accept that, you can move on.  |
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Post by enigma on Dec 12, 2012 13:24:28 GMT -5
The truth you seek is in the emptiness you fear, so it's hard to say something has gone wrong. There can be a subtle 'removal' of the one who dreads the emptiness, and what remains is the truth, which cannot be removed. It does get quite subtle, though, so you may need to relax a bit to get a sense of it. Right now, in this precise moment, everything is okay. Nothing is okay, Arcanum. It scares me to death that I am the one who will always see the suffering, pain and misery in front of me and there will never be an escape. I'm forever doomed to suffering and even enlightenment isn't an escape from it because in the next dream I re-identify with the arising person and the show will go on. Where is the exit ? I meant right now as you sit there in front of your puter. Not in your imaginings of what you will "always see" in the future. What is wrong right now outside of your thoughts of the future? At the very least it tells you that your suffering is happening between your ears and not 'out there'. My latest thread was written in your honor, but aside from that, here's something even more horrifying; even the end of 'your' suffering is not the end of YOUR suffering at all. Even the tears shed by others who would mourn your death are YOUR tears. Forget about the imagined future, just change your world NOW. |
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Post by andrew on Dec 12, 2012 13:44:41 GMT -5
The truth you seek is in the emptiness you fear, so it's hard to say something has gone wrong. There can be a subtle 'removal' of the one who dreads the emptiness, and what remains is the truth, which cannot be removed. It does get quite subtle, though, so you may need to relax a bit to get a sense of it. Right now, in this precise moment, everything is okay. Nothing is okay, Arcanum. It scares me to death that I am the one who will always see the suffering, pain and misery in front of me and there will never be an escape. I'm forever doomed to suffering and even enlightenment isn't an escape from it because in the next dream I re-identify with the arising person and the show will go on. Where is the exit ? It is a futil game, life is a futile game. You will turn around endlessly searching for something. Even in your deathbed you are hoping that life will go on and your stupid desires are fullfiled soon. How utterly futil is this game ? It is a game you cannot win and even suicide is no option. "A stupid death brings forth a stupid birth." Niz I can only lie on the floor, hammering with my hand on it and weeping in many tears... Many of us have been there Freddy. Its a phase. Its not very appropriate for me to offer a guarantee, but in my opinion, you will find a way out of this hole, (or the way out will find you, whichever way you want to look at it). The word 'forgiveness' is the word that springs to my mind. Can you forgive yourself for all of this, for all the suffering, for all the confusion? I'm not offering that as a long term solution, but one thing I discovered is that its best to take life on a moment by moment basis. There has been some good advice on this page in my opinion, not just from Enigma, both Silver's and Topology's advice was also good. |
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Post by sharon on Dec 12, 2012 14:18:54 GMT -5
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Post by enigma on Dec 12, 2012 14:33:45 GMT -5
Freddy: "Stop imagining and look at the world without imagination." It's good advice, akchooly. |
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Post by sharon on Dec 12, 2012 14:58:09 GMT -5
Freddy: "Stop imagining and look at the world without imagination." It's good advice, akchooly. Obviously. Giving that kind of advice to someone else is easy. That's why I'm interested in the where the fuel came from to write it. Freddy is an educated man, he's also a generous man. Thinking that he hasn't got anything left to give is killing him. And not in a good way. |
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Post by silver on Dec 12, 2012 15:08:10 GMT -5
Freddy is an educated man, he's also a generous man. Thinking that he hasn't got anything left to give is killing him. And not in a good way. Maybe freddy hasn't yet had the notion cross his mind or heart to give all he has to give - to himself. I think it's time. |
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Post by silence on Dec 12, 2012 16:00:26 GMT -5
Nothing is okay, Arcanum. It scares me to death that I am the one who will always see the suffering, pain and misery in front of me and there will never be an escape. I'm forever doomed to suffering and even enlightenment isn't an escape from it because in the next dream I re-identify with the arising person and the show will go on. You talk about reincarnation as if it were fact. You're plagued by your belief in ideas that have absolutely no relevance to your life right now. Stop the silliness and say goodbye to the boogie man. There isn't one. What happens if you stop trying to escape? It is a futil game, life is a futile game. You will turn around endlessly searching for something. Even in your deathbed you are hoping that life will go on and your stupid desires are fullfiled soon. How utterly futil is this game ? It is a game you cannot win and even suicide is no option. "A stupid death brings forth a stupid birth." Niz I can only lie on the floor, hammering with my hand on it and weeping in many tears... Stop trying to make life into a board game with grand prizes and the whole floor pounding dillema dissapears. |
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Post by midnight on Dec 12, 2012 19:10:03 GMT -5
I am depressed. I've been prone to misery and negativity since I was a young teen, but these days it's reached a new level and my brain has pretty much shut down as a protective mechanism against it. This happened after seeing that there is no 'self' in thoughts. So what exactly is the big deal? Why do people go to Satsangs? Who would want to find this out? I envy those that never analyse themselves. Those people who are too stupid to question anything. Who wouldn't want to be more like them? Perhaps we could say that it is a more shallow existence - but they wouldn't know about that, or even care. Discuss. I don't think you saw anything. I think you convinced yourself of something that seemed logically plausible. I think you did so for the same reason people go to satsangs. You thought you would get something. The problem is that you're now reaping the unbearably debilitating effects of such a belief. I'm listening. I don't know how I would have convinced myself of something to the point that I felt I was living in a dream though. I really dunno if I am that creative - and also, if I AM still doing it, why can't I just turn it off and feel like I am fully alive again??? I mean, if I have a headache, I'l just take some paracetemol and go about my day, If I am dissociated, why can't I just 'turn it off'? What do you think? |
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Post by esponja on Dec 12, 2012 19:25:59 GMT -5
Ah this Christmas period is busy and am organising my daughter's birthday too so can't reply.
It seems to me we're all nuts...particularly me!!!
I spoke with my mum last night (things are better there) she continues to bring up stuff from the past and she said she spent w day crying....why? Because her sister visited from overseas and didn't bring a present for the new born grandchild! I mean it is pretty mean in my eyes, but to spend a whole day crying and now not wanting to speak with her sister over it!!! That's craziness...like Top says, let's just quiet the mind!!!
(ps. When I say we're all nuts hope nobody is offended, I just do think we can be crazy listening to these stories...but it's not our fault. Years of flemming conditioning...why is it like this? Ooops there I go...see nuts!!)
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Post by esponja on Dec 13, 2012 0:21:30 GMT -5
Sorry guys I just had time to reread from Freddy's post. My post above was irrelevant sorry.
Having read it though, Freddy the advice above is all good and sincerely hope it helps.
What if you changed your perspective? There's no point in this dream life so instead of letting it get to you enjoy it to the max in a 'nothing to loose' way. Live life, do things you love, take risks. Act as if today was your last day. What would you do? Where would you go? Who would you see and what would you say?
I don't know if this will help but it beats your current alternative, why not just pretend. None of it matters anyway.
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